Late on Tuesday

Eric is not feeling well so I'm up and figured I'd take the time to write. I have a lot of email to get to and will try to get to it tomorrow.

Christie and I had a long discussion on Monday night about a lot of things and I have to say she has been very nice to me and very supportive to me. The first thing she got into is that after the wedding I'll be seeing the lawyer to become part of the family in the legal sense. I'll have the same share in the family that everyone else has and that's supposed to make sure I'm protected. I don't think it will be needed but Christie said that they do it this way to help make sure it is never needed. I argued a little and she just says "Shut up and roll with it!" and she is right. It's not my place to refuse this.

I went to the doctor today to get a check up and Christie let me drive her car to go to the appointment. It's really nice to be trusted not to be a jerk behind the wheel of someone's nice car. The point of the check up was pretty obvious to make sure I don't have any STD's or stuff like that and I don't. I'm in perfect health the doctor said. Yay!

Saturday is coming up REALLY fast!!! My mom now says she might come and that would be really nice. A few of my friends are coming and then a few of the people from church are coming so it looks like about 60 people will be there now. Wow. Shari finished the dress and I tried it yesterday and it was really pretty. Steve will be wearing a tuxedo so it will be very traditional.

Part of what Christie and I talked about Monday night was what to expect with Steve. She told me that the wedding is mostly to resolve my place in the family and not about any pressure to be with Steve and that just because there is a wedding doesn't mean there has to be a wedding night. I asked her about her first time with Steve and she said it was on her wedding night and that she was really ambivalent (my new word, LOL) about things just because there is so much committment happening all at once. She said it is a lot to think about and that 'sealing the deal' was the hardest part because it could not be undone. She said it was all sort of unreal to her up to that point and then she said it got very real.

Christie married Steve when she was 26 and she was pretty honest with me that he was not her first lover. She didn't say how many but she said that the difference with Steve was she knew Steve wasn't with her just to have sex but to make a baby even their first time. She said it makes the whole experience a lot more different than sex just for fun. That does make me kind of nervous knowing that I might be pregnant in a few months. It's also pretty amazing to think that I might be pregnant in a few months!

Christie said that the first time was the hardest for her because there were so many emotions involved but then after that was done she said it was a lot easier to enjoy being with Steve. She didn't get pregnant right away and she said after a period she would be a little nervous thinking that this might be the time but then she said Steve is so gentle and caring that she found herself just loving him and thinking about a baby less and less and then she got pregnant.

I guess out of all that I feel a little better that it's okay to be nervous but I'm also thinking that I might want to go ahead and let Saturday night be more than just another Saturday night.

O-:

I guess I should mention too that part of why I can't sleep isn't just Eric. Steve came home earlier and I was alone in the kitchen making dinner and he stopped me and kissed me. Someone said something to me about curling my toes last week and Steve curled my toes! He is an AmAzInG kisser!!! I know I have all these worries but I'm also wanting to find out what else he's good at.

Time to write something else!

I took a picture last week when it started to clear up and it was pretty good. It's the picture at the top of this post. Christie let me use her camera and she has a really good camera but it is a little complicated to figure out at first. She says I can practice with it so I might do more pictures when there is something worth taking pictures of.

Eric is crying again so I have to go. Good night!