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Thursday, December 27, 2012

Sad News

Macy's little girl, Rebecca Ann, died yesterday. Rebecca had breathing problems at birth and on the 24th we took her to the hospital. They flew her to Salt Lake City and yesterday morning she passed away from pneumonia and sepsis. We will be having a funeral on Saturday.

God be with you all and I would appreciate your prayers for Macy right now.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

More babies!

Its been a CrAzY! month here!

On October 1 Macy had her little girl, Rebecca Anne who was 6lbs 7oz and 14 inches tall and is a tiny little thing but very healthy and born with a full head of black hair!

Then on October 18 Christie was blessed with another boy, Samuel Issac who was 8lbs 10oz and 19 inches tall and it looks like he will have some sandy hair when it comes in.

We had an early snow and the weather is cold so there has been an awful lot going on at the same time all three of us are with our babies most of the time. Hannah and Cydne have been a HUGE blessing because they do so much around here to help. I try to cook at least once a day to help but when I cook then someone else has to watch Malachi (who is getting the nickname of 'Mel' from everyone).

Malachi had a hard time for a week or so in late September and he ran a fever up to 101 and we were at the doctors office a lot. They ran a bunch of tests and didn't know what it was making him sick so they just did a lot of medicine and he got better but was really tired for a while after that. I had to wake him up to get him to eat a few times and that is just scary with a baby. He is doing okay now but is still catching up on his weight and I won't feel better until he is back to 100%.

The price of feed has been a big deal to us, too. Over the summer the places that buy my eggs wanted lower prices and last month I lost my two best customers because the price they wanted and then what I needed to charge didn't work out. I kept 50 chickens and 30 of the pullets for us and for maybe a little extra money but sold the rest to a place in town that paid me a good price on them. Losing the income hurts and I really can't make it up this year by cooking at the resort. We are doing okay with the cattle because we don't usually buy any feed for them and that is a good thing. Steve is doing really good working up in North Dakota all the time and he is back to having a full crew work for him again. There is some talk about oil drilling around here and I hope it happens so we can have Steve close to home all the time.

Cydne is going to stay with us and we will be doing a ceremony for her and Steve the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She really likes things here and she and Steve are happy with each other and she should make a nice addition to the family.

I wish I had time to write more but that is all for right now.

God bless you all and pray for our country with the election going on in a couple weeks!


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Happy Birthday Malachi!

On Saturday, August 25th just after noon a big boy named Malachi Stephen decided to come into the world! He's 10lb 8oz and 22 inches long and has red hair just like his sister Laura does! He is really his daddy's boy and is going to be a really big boy when he grows up.

The labor was my longest. It started a bit on Thursday and got going on Friday night. Saturday morning was not a lot of fun but then things happened at noon and right after noon it was all done. We almost went to the hospital and I think if it had gone on anymore I would have wanted to do that. But everything is fine now and I am looking forward to Macy and Christie having their babies soon, too!

Sorry for a short post but I do not have a lot of time right now!


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

June 27, 2012

Good Morning!

It was pretty quiet this morning and I have some time so I thought I would post an update.

Things are going pretty good. The summer has been kind of mild so far and that has been nice. The baby is coming along fine and so are Christie and Macy with their babies. It is a little weird to see us all pregnant at the same time. Hannah says we look like "Happy Feet" sometimes!

One thing different this year is we have Polish guys working on the ranch instead of Mexican guys. They are really awesome. They are Catholic and they go to church, no drugs or drinking, and they are amazing hard workers! They promised to stay on until the end of August and then they go back to school but for right now they are doing tons of work.

Cydne is fitting in just fine and is like part of the family now. She is like us and wearing maxi dresses or shorts around the house instead of farm dresses and all and she likes it a lot. She does a ton of work, too! Hannah has been less stressed with the help and that has been a good thing.

The chickens are doing great. Almost 1000 of them in the barn and all now and we get about 40 dozen eggs a day from them and that means around $200 a day coming in on them and that helps a lot. We have had some problems with stray cats and dogs lately. A lot of people I guess are letting their pets go thinking the country is a nice place for them but it isn't. Coyotes and now the wolves love to chase and kill the cats and dogs and we find what is left around the ranch every now and then. Pretty sad.

The men keep working in North Dakota because there is so much work and they want to make money when they can. Tab and Stevie have made enough that they are buying their own home and it should close escrow this week. We'll miss them being here but they need their own place and we could use the extra room. Christie will probably move back out to the guest house once Tab and Stevie move to their new place.

We had a couple from the church move back from Texas to be here and that was nice to see this week. They were in Houston working for some gas company and got laid off so they came back. They are really cute with two adorable little boys! The husband is going to take some work up north for now and the wife is going to be a stay at home mom. Both of them grew up in the church and it is kind of rare for kids who leave to come back.

It is time for me to go and get some stuff done but there is the update!

I am always good with questions if anyone has any and anonymous people can IM/email me if they want.

megancwinkler at

Happy Wednesday!


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Marcus' questions

I have a little time so here are some answers to Marcus' questions:

1. You don't talk much about your past. You have told us all a few things but what about high school? Anything to say about that?

High school was not so much fun. My parents moved around a lot and I went to a lot of schools and didn't really make a lot of friends. My last two years in high school I independent study out of a continuation school and there just is not a lot to say about that.

2. How do you feel about Cydne maybe joining your family and sharing your husband? Do you know her well?

I know Cydne from church and she is really nice.  If she decides to stay with us I would be happy to have her in the family because compare to the rest of us she doesn't have a lot of problems to deal with. Sharing Steve with her doesn't bother me too much because it still means she is committed to the family and that says a lot.

3. What do Christie and Macy think about Cydne as a potential?

About the same as I do.

4. You mentioned a soap opera with Lauren, care to say any more on that?


5. Are you still getting hate email or other odd email?

Yes. I still get emails that ask me if I would like to leave and they are from guys who can be a little creepy. Since I stopped the anonymous comments on the blog I am not getting the hateful comments I used to get and none of those people ever send me email. 

6. If your daughters wanted to get married at sixteen (legally, of course) how would you feel about that? Especially since it is possible that you could be a grandmother before you turn forty?

I have thought about that and I am sort of mixed on it. I think I would want them to wait until they were 18 but if they were dead serious about getting married to a guy they really loved at 16 then I would rather them get married instead of sneaking around maybe. It would also be nice to be a grandmother young enough to see my grandkids get married and grow up.

7. If you were not married with the kids what was your fantasy for what you wanted to do with your life? 

This was my fantasy!  But the reality is not the same as the fantasy and it is a lot of work but it is also a lot more loving than I ever expected. I think it turned out better than the fantasy I was having about having a baby and all from four years ago. Being 17 seems so long ago now and that person then is not who I am anymore.

I hope everyone has a safe Memorial Day and I hope you all have a chance to stop and remember all the people who gave up their lives for our freedom.


Monday, May 21, 2012

Answers to all them questions

Wow! Lots of questions on the last post. I am up late and checked in and will try to do a decent job answering all this.

First, thank you to Drea about the jobs in Canada. We are really aware of that. In some jobs like truck driving the money is better in Canada but in some other jobs not so much. I think it evens out.

Didi's Questions

1. Is it pretty normal in the poly families in your church for the dads/husbands to work away from home so much? (like travelling) It seems like that would make it even harder to have relationship and feel even more like "brood mares" :-( I am in a one man/one woman marriage and when hubby is gone more than 12 hours I cry.

No, it is not normal. It is just that we need the money and the opportunity is there so that is where Steve wants to be right now. He is making a LOT of money and it is really helping us get back to normal. He says at most he will do one more year of it but by this time next year he will quit and be home all the time.

2. You said a looong time ago that your dad had stolen your innocence from you when he was in a drug high, but you had said in the first few entries that you lost your virginity right before becoming part of the poly community. I am so sorry about all of it - the dad stuff and the losing your virginity to a guy who didn't matter - I just wondered if you could clarify for me was it that your dad raped you or "just" hurt you/molested you? Either way is utterly heinous I am just trying to tie it all together.

When I was 16 my father raped me. I hope you don't mind but that's all I think needs to be said.

3. Do you guys believe like the FLDS that there is marriage in heaven and that there are greater rewards for poly families? Do you believe that salvation is found through earthly work? Like a reward? 

No. Mostly because we are not Mormons. We are Christians and salvation is up to each of us to find on our own. Poly is not something that is rewarded and I have never heard anyone say anything like that. Salvation is through faith in Jesus alone. There is no magical thing you can do on earth that God cares about because He is God and everything is His already. The gift of salvation is free and the hardest thing for people to do is to just say Thank You and accept it! It is one of the hardest things I am trying to do.

4. How can I be praying for you? I can have a glamorous view of "sister wives" at times (hey it would be nice to have someone to talk to when hubby is gone, to have someone to have sex with him when I am tired or grouchy, to have someone who is not infertile to bring children into our marriage...), but I know that you are a human being just like everyone else and that having sister wives has blessings and trials - so how can I pray for you? :)

How can you be praying for me? Pray for me that I can be more accepting and that I can stop living in the past. Those are my big problems. Everything else I am just thankful for.

Poly is not glamorous! It is a lot of hard work, it means a lot of sacrifice because my choice meant leaving my mom and my friends behind me in my old life, it is also a big test of how much you can trust someone else to be in control of everything in your life. That is one of the hard things too is to trust everyone.

5. What is your favorite bible verse? what version of the Bible do you use? Do you have a favorite pastor other than your own? Like, do you listen to sermons outside of your church?

My favorite passage right now is Psalm 25. We use the NIV and the KJV and some people use other Bibles. I have two Bibles. One is an NIV and the other is a study Bible with the NIV and then footnotes so you can see what other translations have to say if there is a difference. Our current Pastor is really nice but I always liked our last Pastor. I have been to an Assembly of God church in town with a friend from work and it was nice. 

oh and any form of discipline for the kiddos - do you get "their mom" or do you handle it yourself? If you do handle it and they disagree do they undermine you?

We don't really have any serious problems with the kids but yeah sometimes I might say something and if it is wrong the deal is everyone backs me up in front of the kids and then says something to me in private. That only happened with Steve's older daughters and not with the little kids. I would do the same thing for anyone else if it came up.

The Preacher's Kid asked some stuff too:

I'm curious about how things are supposed to unfold between Cydne and your husband. I know you said she's staying to earn money and help out for a few months but I'm wondering if they're "dating"* as well in the meantime? Or will things between them be completely platonic until or unless Cydne decides to join the family permanently? 

Nothing is going on right now simply because Steve is not here. If anything ever happens with them in the future that is up to them. Things will stay pretty platonic unless Cydne wants to get married into the family.

*for lack of a better term -it sounds like your family doesn't exactly believe in the mainstream version of dating.

Our church does not believe in the mainstream version of dating. Look at the world and look at what dating means anymore. People sleep together all the time and think nothing about it and then people live together and then break up and move out if they want to and it is all really cheap and the people who do this stuff all end up pretty unhappy. I don't think the way the church likes to do things is perfect but then I can see why they do things this way because it takes the sin out of the courtship. I mean you get to date each other for a while but once you start courting there comes a time when you have to make up your mind to do something more or to move on.

On that unhappy thing one thing I have noticed when I talk to people here is how few people use drugs for depression. It is not an easy life but it seems the hard work and all makes you happier or else it doesn't leave you much time to think about why you are sad. I think about myself and if I had stayed at home I know I would be depressed. I was really depressed when I married Steve and it amazes me now that he took me in because I was really not a lot of fun to be around some times.

I guess this way works for us.

Good Night!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Didi's questions and etc.

Didi posted a nice letter and I thought I would respond and then post some updates after that. 

Hi Megan,

so I just read your blog from day 1 until this most recent entry - it only took me about 2 days ;-)

There are a couple of questions I have - probably because I read it all in one lump sum and I think there may have been some entries that were removed that I never saw.

How are things with Lauren?? You had said there were problems - then nothing else was said and then recently you said Hannah is still there, does that mean Lauren moved out?

Also, I want to ask this, but I REALLY don't want to be "pervy" and I don't mean it in a perv way - it's just something I often wonder about poly families and sister wives and big love didn't even touch on it. :) A: do y'all spank your children and B: do you spank each others kids or just the ones you gave birth to? :) If you don't spank then other forms of discipline - do you discipline your sister wives children or just your own I guess??

Why can't you post any pics? I understand wanting to protect identities, but like back when you were wearing dresses all of the time you could have posted "headless" pics or something? It's so hard to really know someone without pictures. :)

God bless!

Hi, Didi!

So yeah we had a soap opera thing go on with Lauren and it got resolved last fall when she got married to a guy from the church. She is over sixteen and the marriage was legal. She's currently expecting her first baby and I am hoping that everything goes good for her.

Spanking happens around here but it's really very rare. Most of the time the kids are just great and it is not a problem but if they do act out we usually just put them in a room by themselves for a time out and that takes care of it. A spanking around here means a swat on the rear and NOT a beating.

I don't post pictures anymore. I used to and it just didn't work out. I do share pictures with my friends online and sometimes that includes people from the blog. If I get to know someone that is one thing but I really don't want to run into someone in public who knows me and I don't know them.

The picture of me on the blog is me and it gives everyone enough to know about what I look like but I will be honest and say that it is a little old and I have gained some weight since then and my hair is not as perfect as I used to keep it.

Hope that answers your questions. You probably know I don't mind questions so you can ask more if you want.

Update for around here

Our big news is that we hired a helper for around the house and she moved in two weeks ago. Her name is Cydne  and you say it the same like you would "Sidney" and she is going to work here at least until November. After that she might choose to stay on if she wants and be our fourth wife. She is raised in the church and graduated high school two weeks back and needed a job and was also wanting to get married. One of the big problems around here right now is too many boys have gone to college or the military or they left to find work and they don't want to come back. Cydne is doing this job with us to save money and she is thinking about leaving for college in Denver maybe or staying on and starting a family. Whatever she does is in the Lord's hands and we're just thankful to have her help around the house for now.

Hannah is doing better with some help and is still serious about college especially because she gets to use all of the college fund money. She and Christie are going to go to Michigan in the fall to check out Hillsdale College which is a college that takes in a lot of homeschooled kids. I am thinking she will do this and that is nice to see. Not like this is all that bad but it is nice to see that this isn't the only choice for anyone.

I am getting $5 a dozen with my eggs still and the chickens are doing great. We expanded their run and Steve let me add another old construction trailer for a second coop. We got 300 more chicks from a hatchery and they showed up in the mail and they were sooooooooo cute! They are all Rhode Island Reds and they are supposed to do pretty good in cold weather. My barred hens are doing good and are good layers. We tried a few meat chickens and I don't think I will do that again. They grow too fast and you end up having to eat them just because they don't seem so happy. The barred chickens are pretty friendly and they get up to six or seven pounds on scratch and lay crumble and they also eat a lot of bugs especially in the summer. We have let them loose in our vegetable garden this spring to eat the bugs and they have been pretty good. We don't let them near the potatoes because those are poisonous to the chickens but they are pretty safe with everything else.

I finished my 20th quilt for the shelter in Denver and I am starting a red, white, and blue one I hope to finish for 4th of July to auction off at church.

Steve and Tab are working hard in North Dakota and they are home usually every two weeks. Tab is talking about going up to Canada to work in the oil sands driving trucks. There is a lot of money to make doing that right now and they need like 100,000 people to do all the work that needs to get done. They have more jobs than North Dakota and some of them pay a lot more too.

Hate to say but we are doing a late lunch and it is time for me to go.

Have a Happy Saturday!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Three Years!

Yay! Steve and I are having our third anniversary today! I wish he was here so we could do something romantic that he is off work helping to take care of our family and that's more important. It is hard to believe so much time has gone by and then it also seems like not a lot of time has gone by at all. When I think about who I was three years ago I think of myself than as a little girl and now I feel so much more grown-up. Naïve is the word I always use to describe myself from back then.

Steve called me earlier today and said happy anniversary and that was really sweet. It is really hard for him to take time away from work to make phone calls like that so I really appreciate it. Even though he is not here were going to have cake and a little bit of a party to celebrate. We do this for all of the anniversaries that take place around here. I wish Steve was home for more of them.

To answer a few questions that I got on the blog and in e-mail it is true that the house will be kind of crowded real soon but were not worried about taking care of the babies and the kids we have plenty of food and the money thing seems to be fixed now. It is a big house and we have a lot of room and then we also have the guest house and Tab and Stevie will be moving out of the guest house this summer now that they have enough money for a down payment on their own place. The plan is for Christie to move back out there with her kids and then Macy and me will share the house with our kids and Hannah.

It's kind of warm for winter this year which isn't bad. I know people are all crazy about global warming and all that but I am happy to have some warm weather. It has been nice to be out in shorts and a T-shirt a few days and it is also been nice to use the swimming pool. "Warm" for us this time of year means that it's not freezing and we don't have 6 feet of snow on the ground. For California this is probably a little cool in the 60s and high 50s but for here this is really nice. We already have green grass coming up and that means we can save money on putting out hay and alfalfa for the cattle. It also means we don't have 2 miles of dirt road to go over in snowmobiles to get to the main road.

One question was asking why I don't talk more about my children and the other children here. Part of it is because they need to have a little privacy, part of it is because I don't like telling people too much about my children, and a small part is that I don't want to tell people so much that they can recognize us in public.

I will say that my little girls are doing just fine. We still have to be very careful with Laura about sunburns but Patty does just fine in the sun. Both of them are talking and like typical girls they don't ever stop talking! Danny has been a very good boy and he is actually been a lot easier to take care of then the two girls were at his age.

Macy and Christie's kids are doing fine too. Eric is four years old now and he is the man of the house when his father is not around. He helps a lot with the animals and it is pretty amazing to watch this little boy push around big huge cows and bulls.

We don't hear from Shari much. Lauren chats with her sometimes and we do know she and her boyfriend are doing okay and she likes her job and really likes Seattle. I miss her sometimes and then at the same time things are so much more relaxed around the house without her and her rules. Some of the rules we keep because they make sense but then some others like wearing dresses all the time we just don't do anymore. We try to keep modest when we are outside of the house or off the property but around the house it doesn't matter much because everybody knows what everybody looks like and everybody knows what everybody does. There are not too many secrets around here.

Things are doing better at church because the economy is doing a little better at least around here. The money from North Dakota is really helping things out. I know the rest of the country is not doing so well but at least this little corner of the world is doing better.

One of the really cool things that took place at church was we had a Muslim family and their kids join the church and come to Christ! They moved here from Minneapolis because it was not safe for them to be Christian back there. They are really really nice people. I don't know if they will take another wife but I do know that they are really cool with the whole poly thing. I do not know too much about their conversion experience and maybe that is too personal for them but maybe someday they will tell me about it.

Well, I guess that is about all for right now. I have not done much work outside of the house so there is not much to tell about that, I am still cooking of course, and I am quilting but not so much now that the weather is better.

I hope you all have a blessed March and just in case I don't write anything here anytime soon I hope you have a blessed April as well.


Thursday, January 19, 2012

January 19, 2012

It is been a while since I've been on here and I guess it's time to tell you what what all is going on in life. The big news is that all three of us are pregnant! Macy and I are due around the end of August and Christie is due around the end of September maybe first of October. It is going to be a very difficult summer with all three of us out of action. We have Hannah at the the house still but I just can't imagine her doing all the work that's going to need to be done while the three of us are in the late stages of pregnancy. We'll probably have to get some help from someone at the church or we might have to hire somebody. We'll see.

The men are still working in North Dakota and they're doing really well. Steve found an apartment for him and Tab so they got out of the container they were living in. Oh and when I say container it's more like a motorhome than just a plain container.  They had heat and electricity and a bathroom and all that. Fortunately it hasn't been a very cold winter, we were expecting it to be really really cold for them especially in North Dakota and it's actually been kind of mild.

Christie is home from traveling and she has been doing taxes lately. It's that time of year for her. So while she is at home we still don't get to see her an awful lot because she is so busy. We also get a lot of phone calls when she's working and that's kind of weird having the phone ringing all the time.

My babies are doing great! Laura is talking and she won't shut up! Which makes her just like her mom! Patty is doing pretty good too and she is in full on toddler mode. She gets kind of moody sometimes but mostly she's really happy and very active. She loves to be physical with all the animals and she likes to tell me all about all the animals that are coming by the ranch. We have a fox that comes around sometimes and we feed it cat food. Patty wants to treat it like a cat and she really wants to pet it and she always gets mad when I don't let her. The fox seems nice enough but they do carry rabies and even though there's no rabies around here we have to be careful. I hate to admit but I've pet the fox a few times. Laura is my little inside girl and she is not much for being outside the house. In some ways that's good because she's really fair skinned like her mother is and would easily get sunburned. Danny is a typical boy and he is doing well. He says a few words here and there but is mostly quiet and he likes to play with his toys. Kind of like his father!

The church is doing okay. A few of the families have had to dip into the welfare fund because they were out of work and they had a hard time. Praise God, no one is on welfare. We have had a lot of people in the shelter in Denver and in December there was a big call for extra blankets and jackets and clothes. We sent what we could from the house but I really wish we could've done more. It's so sad to hear about people who are out on the street and homeless and then I think about the fact that I could easily be one of them right now if my life had gone just a little bit differently. I am very, very blessed. Right now I think most people are blessed just to have a job, a home, and food on their table. It is really scary how many people in America right now do not have all of these things. What is even scarier is how many of those people are just normal people! They are not the kind of people you would expect to be out on the street begging for food or extra money.

Where our family is getting our finances in order there is a little bit of pressure in the church for us to take on a fourth wife. I now understand what Shari went through having to deal with a third and a fourth wife in such a short time. I like our life the way it is right now and I know it is selfish but I don't want to share our home with someone else. Two other families in the church recently went poly and added second wives. The one lady has two little girls and she was unmarried and the daddy of the little girls was messed up in drugs and he got killed in some drug deal. The other girl was fresh out of foster care and turned 18 and they kicked her out so she was homeless and ended up at the shelter in Denver. Now she has a family. I know all of this is not perfect but where would these people be if they couldn't find a family? And that makes me feel like a hypocrite because the same kind of charity that brought me into this family is the same kind of charity I don't want to share. Pretty bad I know. I do know that as long as Steve is working out of town we are definitely not adding anyone to the family but then on the other side of that the money he makes working out of town makes it easier to add someone. I just don't know what the right answer is here.

Cooking. I need a different subject!

I have really dug into my cooking and have had some fun. Over the weekend I made a beef Wellington but instead of beef I used bison. Bison is a lot leaner than beef and it has a stronger taste. The result was a very nice dinner and we also had leftovers for Sunday. I am also playing with bread and I made a three grain raisin bread yesterday and it came out really good. The recipe needs a little more tweaking because it is really dense and I would like to make it a little more airy. I made a pumpernickel about a month ago and it went really well with soup and I know I will try that again. Most mornings right now I am making sweet rolls and I put cinnamon or jam on them and serve them that way. Sometimes I just put butter on them too.

I discovered tea! Christie brought home some Tetley's tea from England and she made me try it and I am really liking it! It is really smooth and it does not have a lot of acid in it like most tea does. Most tea upsets my stomach but this does not. Yes, I like peppermint tea but that isn't really tea like what most people talk about.

There was no snow for the holidays so I did not work at the resort and I kind of missed having some adult time away from the house. The money would've been nice too. I just like having my own money to spend instead of using family money. I am hoping with the storm coming in right now that we get enough snow that the resort can open and we can start getting some snowmobile people in. Then maybe I can get some work.

Well, I guess that's enough for right now. I mean I don't know what else to say so I think I will wrap this up and hope that everybody has a Happy New Year and that 2012 is a much better year for all of you than 2011 was!

Bye for now, Megan