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Sunday, May 27, 2012

Marcus' questions

I have a little time so here are some answers to Marcus' questions:

1. You don't talk much about your past. You have told us all a few things but what about high school? Anything to say about that?

High school was not so much fun. My parents moved around a lot and I went to a lot of schools and didn't really make a lot of friends. My last two years in high school I independent study out of a continuation school and there just is not a lot to say about that.

2. How do you feel about Cydne maybe joining your family and sharing your husband? Do you know her well?

I know Cydne from church and she is really nice.  If she decides to stay with us I would be happy to have her in the family because compare to the rest of us she doesn't have a lot of problems to deal with. Sharing Steve with her doesn't bother me too much because it still means she is committed to the family and that says a lot.

3. What do Christie and Macy think about Cydne as a potential?

About the same as I do.

4. You mentioned a soap opera with Lauren, care to say any more on that?


5. Are you still getting hate email or other odd email?

Yes. I still get emails that ask me if I would like to leave and they are from guys who can be a little creepy. Since I stopped the anonymous comments on the blog I am not getting the hateful comments I used to get and none of those people ever send me email. 

6. If your daughters wanted to get married at sixteen (legally, of course) how would you feel about that? Especially since it is possible that you could be a grandmother before you turn forty?

I have thought about that and I am sort of mixed on it. I think I would want them to wait until they were 18 but if they were dead serious about getting married to a guy they really loved at 16 then I would rather them get married instead of sneaking around maybe. It would also be nice to be a grandmother young enough to see my grandkids get married and grow up.

7. If you were not married with the kids what was your fantasy for what you wanted to do with your life? 

This was my fantasy!  But the reality is not the same as the fantasy and it is a lot of work but it is also a lot more loving than I ever expected. I think it turned out better than the fantasy I was having about having a baby and all from four years ago. Being 17 seems so long ago now and that person then is not who I am anymore.

I hope everyone has a safe Memorial Day and I hope you all have a chance to stop and remember all the people who gave up their lives for our freedom.


Monday, May 21, 2012

Answers to all them questions

Wow! Lots of questions on the last post. I am up late and checked in and will try to do a decent job answering all this.

First, thank you to Drea about the jobs in Canada. We are really aware of that. In some jobs like truck driving the money is better in Canada but in some other jobs not so much. I think it evens out.

Didi's Questions

1. Is it pretty normal in the poly families in your church for the dads/husbands to work away from home so much? (like travelling) It seems like that would make it even harder to have relationship and feel even more like "brood mares" :-( I am in a one man/one woman marriage and when hubby is gone more than 12 hours I cry.

No, it is not normal. It is just that we need the money and the opportunity is there so that is where Steve wants to be right now. He is making a LOT of money and it is really helping us get back to normal. He says at most he will do one more year of it but by this time next year he will quit and be home all the time.

2. You said a looong time ago that your dad had stolen your innocence from you when he was in a drug high, but you had said in the first few entries that you lost your virginity right before becoming part of the poly community. I am so sorry about all of it - the dad stuff and the losing your virginity to a guy who didn't matter - I just wondered if you could clarify for me was it that your dad raped you or "just" hurt you/molested you? Either way is utterly heinous I am just trying to tie it all together.

When I was 16 my father raped me. I hope you don't mind but that's all I think needs to be said.

3. Do you guys believe like the FLDS that there is marriage in heaven and that there are greater rewards for poly families? Do you believe that salvation is found through earthly work? Like a reward? 

No. Mostly because we are not Mormons. We are Christians and salvation is up to each of us to find on our own. Poly is not something that is rewarded and I have never heard anyone say anything like that. Salvation is through faith in Jesus alone. There is no magical thing you can do on earth that God cares about because He is God and everything is His already. The gift of salvation is free and the hardest thing for people to do is to just say Thank You and accept it! It is one of the hardest things I am trying to do.

4. How can I be praying for you? I can have a glamorous view of "sister wives" at times (hey it would be nice to have someone to talk to when hubby is gone, to have someone to have sex with him when I am tired or grouchy, to have someone who is not infertile to bring children into our marriage...), but I know that you are a human being just like everyone else and that having sister wives has blessings and trials - so how can I pray for you? :)

How can you be praying for me? Pray for me that I can be more accepting and that I can stop living in the past. Those are my big problems. Everything else I am just thankful for.

Poly is not glamorous! It is a lot of hard work, it means a lot of sacrifice because my choice meant leaving my mom and my friends behind me in my old life, it is also a big test of how much you can trust someone else to be in control of everything in your life. That is one of the hard things too is to trust everyone.

5. What is your favorite bible verse? what version of the Bible do you use? Do you have a favorite pastor other than your own? Like, do you listen to sermons outside of your church?

My favorite passage right now is Psalm 25. We use the NIV and the KJV and some people use other Bibles. I have two Bibles. One is an NIV and the other is a study Bible with the NIV and then footnotes so you can see what other translations have to say if there is a difference. Our current Pastor is really nice but I always liked our last Pastor. I have been to an Assembly of God church in town with a friend from work and it was nice. 

oh and any form of discipline for the kiddos - do you get "their mom" or do you handle it yourself? If you do handle it and they disagree do they undermine you?

We don't really have any serious problems with the kids but yeah sometimes I might say something and if it is wrong the deal is everyone backs me up in front of the kids and then says something to me in private. That only happened with Steve's older daughters and not with the little kids. I would do the same thing for anyone else if it came up.

The Preacher's Kid asked some stuff too:

I'm curious about how things are supposed to unfold between Cydne and your husband. I know you said she's staying to earn money and help out for a few months but I'm wondering if they're "dating"* as well in the meantime? Or will things between them be completely platonic until or unless Cydne decides to join the family permanently? 

Nothing is going on right now simply because Steve is not here. If anything ever happens with them in the future that is up to them. Things will stay pretty platonic unless Cydne wants to get married into the family.

*for lack of a better term -it sounds like your family doesn't exactly believe in the mainstream version of dating.

Our church does not believe in the mainstream version of dating. Look at the world and look at what dating means anymore. People sleep together all the time and think nothing about it and then people live together and then break up and move out if they want to and it is all really cheap and the people who do this stuff all end up pretty unhappy. I don't think the way the church likes to do things is perfect but then I can see why they do things this way because it takes the sin out of the courtship. I mean you get to date each other for a while but once you start courting there comes a time when you have to make up your mind to do something more or to move on.

On that unhappy thing one thing I have noticed when I talk to people here is how few people use drugs for depression. It is not an easy life but it seems the hard work and all makes you happier or else it doesn't leave you much time to think about why you are sad. I think about myself and if I had stayed at home I know I would be depressed. I was really depressed when I married Steve and it amazes me now that he took me in because I was really not a lot of fun to be around some times.

I guess this way works for us.

Good Night!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Didi's questions and etc.

Didi posted a nice letter and I thought I would respond and then post some updates after that. 

Hi Megan,

so I just read your blog from day 1 until this most recent entry - it only took me about 2 days ;-)

There are a couple of questions I have - probably because I read it all in one lump sum and I think there may have been some entries that were removed that I never saw.

How are things with Lauren?? You had said there were problems - then nothing else was said and then recently you said Hannah is still there, does that mean Lauren moved out?

Also, I want to ask this, but I REALLY don't want to be "pervy" and I don't mean it in a perv way - it's just something I often wonder about poly families and sister wives and big love didn't even touch on it. :) A: do y'all spank your children and B: do you spank each others kids or just the ones you gave birth to? :) If you don't spank then other forms of discipline - do you discipline your sister wives children or just your own I guess??

Why can't you post any pics? I understand wanting to protect identities, but like back when you were wearing dresses all of the time you could have posted "headless" pics or something? It's so hard to really know someone without pictures. :)

God bless!

Hi, Didi!

So yeah we had a soap opera thing go on with Lauren and it got resolved last fall when she got married to a guy from the church. She is over sixteen and the marriage was legal. She's currently expecting her first baby and I am hoping that everything goes good for her.

Spanking happens around here but it's really very rare. Most of the time the kids are just great and it is not a problem but if they do act out we usually just put them in a room by themselves for a time out and that takes care of it. A spanking around here means a swat on the rear and NOT a beating.

I don't post pictures anymore. I used to and it just didn't work out. I do share pictures with my friends online and sometimes that includes people from the blog. If I get to know someone that is one thing but I really don't want to run into someone in public who knows me and I don't know them.

The picture of me on the blog is me and it gives everyone enough to know about what I look like but I will be honest and say that it is a little old and I have gained some weight since then and my hair is not as perfect as I used to keep it.

Hope that answers your questions. You probably know I don't mind questions so you can ask more if you want.

Update for around here

Our big news is that we hired a helper for around the house and she moved in two weeks ago. Her name is Cydne  and you say it the same like you would "Sidney" and she is going to work here at least until November. After that she might choose to stay on if she wants and be our fourth wife. She is raised in the church and graduated high school two weeks back and needed a job and was also wanting to get married. One of the big problems around here right now is too many boys have gone to college or the military or they left to find work and they don't want to come back. Cydne is doing this job with us to save money and she is thinking about leaving for college in Denver maybe or staying on and starting a family. Whatever she does is in the Lord's hands and we're just thankful to have her help around the house for now.

Hannah is doing better with some help and is still serious about college especially because she gets to use all of the college fund money. She and Christie are going to go to Michigan in the fall to check out Hillsdale College which is a college that takes in a lot of homeschooled kids. I am thinking she will do this and that is nice to see. Not like this is all that bad but it is nice to see that this isn't the only choice for anyone.

I am getting $5 a dozen with my eggs still and the chickens are doing great. We expanded their run and Steve let me add another old construction trailer for a second coop. We got 300 more chicks from a hatchery and they showed up in the mail and they were sooooooooo cute! They are all Rhode Island Reds and they are supposed to do pretty good in cold weather. My barred hens are doing good and are good layers. We tried a few meat chickens and I don't think I will do that again. They grow too fast and you end up having to eat them just because they don't seem so happy. The barred chickens are pretty friendly and they get up to six or seven pounds on scratch and lay crumble and they also eat a lot of bugs especially in the summer. We have let them loose in our vegetable garden this spring to eat the bugs and they have been pretty good. We don't let them near the potatoes because those are poisonous to the chickens but they are pretty safe with everything else.

I finished my 20th quilt for the shelter in Denver and I am starting a red, white, and blue one I hope to finish for 4th of July to auction off at church.

Steve and Tab are working hard in North Dakota and they are home usually every two weeks. Tab is talking about going up to Canada to work in the oil sands driving trucks. There is a lot of money to make doing that right now and they need like 100,000 people to do all the work that needs to get done. They have more jobs than North Dakota and some of them pay a lot more too.

Hate to say but we are doing a late lunch and it is time for me to go.

Have a Happy Saturday!