Sunday, March 29, 2009

So many poly people!

Wow! I can't believe how many poly people are out there! The lady at http://3rdlady.blogspot.com/ wrote some nice things on my last post and when I read her blog and all the other comments and then some other blogs I can see why what I have been doing here is kind of a fairy tale. I really want to say thank you to everyone who wrote a comment for me and then led me to their blogs. It really helps me appreciate what I have.

I got to talk to Shari and Christie about the jealousy thing and both of them said there is some jealousy for them with me joining the family. Shari said it was her cross to bear and Christie was just simple saying that it was natural to have a little jealousy. During the week Shari and I had a chance to talk and she said she wanted me here because she wants more little kids in the house and was afraid that she might not have anymore. She's concerned that menopause is happening to her and said that after Hannah was born she was afraid there might be no more babies for her and that was a part of why she wanted Christie and then me to join the family. She says she loves me now that she is getting to know me better and wants me here even if I don't have any babies.

Christie and I sat up way late on Friday night talking and she told me a lot of things. Christie is okay with a lot of the rules here but she does her own thing too. Her hair isn't so long like Shari's and she isn't so into the church like Shari is. Christie says she has some jealousy for me being with Steve but that it isn't that she is so jealous of me just that she wants to be with him too. Christie is a lot more sexual than I am and has a real thing for getting pregnant and being pregnant. I can kind of understand that because I'm starting to really want to be a mom and when I'm with Steve now it's been really neat to think we could be making a baby. And this weekend is my period so I'm not pregnant right now. Christie says everytime she has her period it's a thrill to her to be with Steve because then she wonders what might happen. I wasn't thinking like that and just thought once you started having sex that sooner or later you'd have a baby but now the way Christie talks it's like you get to have your first time sort of every month.

I hope I don't talk too much about sex but this is all new to me and I'm thinking about it a lot anymore. It probably sounds stupid but I used to think about having babies and being married without ever really thinking about sex. I mean I knew what it took to have a baby and I knew what married people did but I just never thought of it like I would be doing it myself. It's like I am this whole different person now in some ways. I never thought about it before that I would like being loved by a man and now I just kind of go wheeeee! when Steve is with me! I just love being kissed and held and he just makes me melt sometimes when he looks at me. And then the sex is just so amazing! It's so wonderful to be so close to Steve that way and I can understand when Shari and Christie say they get a little jealous because it is something to want.

I got to see Christie and Shari have a little argument this week. Stevie is talking more about wanting to get married when she turns 16 and Christie is totally against it and says Stevie needs to go to college and see the world a little before she makes this decision and Shari was saying Christie is a hypocrite because Christie has said in the past that she wished she had got married at 16 instead of waiting and then screwing up her life for so many years. Shari said to me later that this is going to be hard to deal with because she knows that Stevie has her mind made up and that Christie does too and so it will be a hard time coming with them. Shari says she and Steve would rather Stevie go to college at least until she is 18 but that they know Stevie doesn't care to study so much and just wants to be a wife. Lauren is different and wants to go to college and travel like Christie did before getting married so there is no fight about Lauren but I can tell it won't be simple when Stevie asks for legal permission to get married. Christie says she is a big hypocrite but still thinks the right thing is for Stevie to get to see a little of the real world before deciding to stay in this one.

Part of what is causing problems is that everything major in the family is supposed to be decided by all the adults and if one of them doesn't like something it doesn't happen. Except that the moms only get to make deciscions for their own kids and that's something that is supposed to prevent problems but in this case it is causing a problem. Christie said to me that she expects Stevie to be getting married by September whether Christie likes it or not because that just seems to be the way things are going.

I don't really have an opinion on it and have stayed out of it because I don't think I know enough to say anything. 16 is young to get married but if you know that getting married and having a family is all you want from life then I guess I don't see why to wait until you're 18. At least Stevie would be marrying a guy who has a good job and will have his own house and can take care of her and that is a lot better than a lot of girls her age who get pregnant and then stay at home with their parents and have the baby. Christie is the one who said this and sometimes she doesn't make sense like she says this and then argues that Stevie should not do this.

I went to Costco on Friday with Shari and Lauren and it was pretty amazing how much food we eat! We bought $1382 worth of food and stuff for the month and it was pretty amazing to get it all in the truck! Shari says the garden and then the beef Steve gets from our cattle helps us get by and that this is pretty good for food for nine people. And then we still go to the local store in Lincoln for somethings.

Next Sunday we get to go to church with all the families and that will be really neat. It will be my first time there as a wife and that part is pretty cool. Christie's friend Melissa is coming and Christie says she wants to hook up Melissa with this family from Colusa. Melissa already has a little girl from a boyfriend and I see what Shari said that most women who come to this are older with kids or younger with kids and that I was pretty rare because I didn't have any baggage when I came here. I don't know about the baggage just because I wasn't divorced with a kid I don't think I was perfect.

I have to go now and I'm sorry I am not writing as much. It seems like I have more and more to do all the time and then some of my usual free time is just not there anymore.

PS: Thank you again to everyone for the comments and the invites to read their blogs!

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for writing of your experience. It is nice to see a positive experience when all we've ever gotten from mainstream is negative, even though we all know there are many happy families out there.Some day we hope to find another lady to join our family. I also appreciate how you made a few concessions to join the family (like dresses). That is what love is all about.

    I think Stevie should get married, especially if her guy can provide. Maybe not everyone is ready to marry young, but some are. We would have married before my wife was 18 if her parents would have allowed it. It caused a lot of hard feelings that took years to overcome. I'm not saying we should let teens do whatever they want, but if the situation looks good, it won't do any good to force something else. Personally, I would be very excited that one of my daughters wanted to marry a decent guy instead of college or experiencing the world. There isn't much out there that is worth experiencing.

    May God bless you as a wife and mother. CC

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  2. I just recently stumbled upon this blog and am so in love with your story. You're very brave for following your heart into uncertain territory. I have been searching the internet for stories like yours- stories about poly relationships that are filled with LOVE and revolve around FAMILY rather than all the negativity surrounding this lifestyle. Your story is inspiring and I would love to hear from you as to where you started your search for this type of family. You've been blessed with what sounds like a wonderful family, and your positive attitude and loving heart make you a beautiful, deserving person of it!

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  3. There are a lot of wonderful people out in cyber space. Your positive story is an inspiration to many, not just about polygamy, but also about relationships in general. I hope you will continue to share your story.

    I totally understand where Christie is coming from about Stevie. I got married at the age of 16 (hub was 18) and am still married to the same wonderful man over 30 years later. It was exciting at first as we were very much in love, but later, when I had a house full of kids and my siblings were single in college, I went through a period of extreme regret about all the things I missed out on - college, dating, traveling, etc. Once you make a decision to get married and have kids as a teen you can never go back and make up that time.

    I love my husband and my children but I wish I had experienced more of life as a single adult before marriage. It's an important growing stage that helps define you and your values. I had to grow up very quickly and figure out who I was at the same time dealing with a husband and small children. I have always felt my children would have had a better mother if I had really grown up first before having them. However, no-one could convince me to wait when I was 16. Hind sight is 20/20!

    Different topic and another question if you don't mind - How will all the wives work out their sleeping schedule with Steve once you get into a normal routine? Will you have a regular rotation schedule set in stone or will you have a flexible one that allows for fertility cycles?

    CM

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  4. Shari says the garden and then the beef Steve gets from our cattle helps us get by and that this is pretty good for food for nine people.

    How do you all go about getting the meat from the cattle? Does one of you have butcher duty or are cattle sold and you guys just get a cut of the meat?

    And then we still go to the local store in ... for somethings.

    Earlier in your posts you mentioned that Steve was not cool with you mentioning where you guys live. I think you inadvertently let something slip there.

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