It's a little rainy here today. I know we need the rain but it would be nice to have some sunny days, too.
Steve was off to work early this morning and it was back to the normal routine getting breakfast on and all. It's weird not doing the honeymoon and just starting a normal life but this is the way it is done. One thing that was really nice was when Steve left I got a kiss goodbye and not just a hug like I used to.
I have Eric and Emmy for the day so Christie can do her work and the girls are going to do dinner tonight so I have some time to myself.
Shari sat with me after breakfast and we talked and she was interested in how I was doing. She was pretty open talking about sex and said I can expect Steve to give me a lot of attention in that way for a while. She said it was pretty normal that we would be like newlyweds for a while because we are newlyweds. She was a little late telling me a few things to expect from Steve and it was really sweet that she knows him so well. I haven't said it to her yet but it makes me feel closer to her because of what we share with Steve.
I wasn't so sure about writing about the bedroom stuff but Shari said to feel free and go ahead because it is a big part of my life right now. Okay then.
The sex has been a big thing for me because I had it the one time and it was over before I really even knew it was happening. I guess I always thought it didn't really count. The last two years I wondered what it would really be like and then a few months ago I started to really, really want everything that went with it and all. I've written about it all before and I don't want to be saying the same things again but it all really was important to me. I told some of this to Christie one night and she said to me "Girl you just need to get it over with." and I think she was right about that.
All of the things I was imagining about it and dreaming about it and fearing about it went away once it was done. Christie had said it was great once the first time was done because then she was free to just do it and she said it was liberating to be able to do it and not worry about getting pregnant or using birth control and she was right. I was really nervous with Steve on Saturday night and he was wonderful about it all. I didn't want a light on and he was okay about it and when I asked him to be slow he was. Actually being with him was so much different and better than I thought it would be. I guess I expected it would be painful and then just done and it was warm and close and loving and the most personal thing I have ever done. I really love Steve but had kept my distance in some ways and then all of a sudden I'm closer to him than with anyone else in the world. I'm just sorry he isn''t the only person to ever see me naked.
Steve made it wonderful the whole time and told me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me and he was so tender and gentle. When I asked him if he was about to (-: he said he was and he kissed me and held me tight and I could feel it happen and then everything was different after that. I didn't care if he saw me and I didn't jump a little when he touched me because it just felt so comfortable after the first time was done. Shari said I looked so peaceful on Sunday morning and I guess I feel pretty peaceful now. All the worrying I was doing is settled and over and I can just be me now. It was very special on Sunday wondering if I was a mom yet. I know it doesn't always happen so fast but it is so cool to think for the first time about the maybe. It is really awesome to think that sometime this year I will start being a mom. Dreams are so wonderful but when the dream is real it is a lot more beautiful.
I know I say a lot about being a mom maybe, but being a wife is pretty wonderful! Having all of Steve's attention is the most incredible thing in the world and feeling him loving me and wanting me and wanting a baby with me is the most powerful feeling I can imagine. Just calling it 'love' doesn't seem to be enough. I loved him before this but now it's like all these things got wrapped up in one.
Sorry to have to stop here but it is getting late and time to go.
BTW my new picture was taken by Christie on Saturday and she did all the stuff with the computer to it. She took it after the wedding when I was changing and she said I just looked so perfect.