November 5, 2011

Hey there. It has been a while since my last post. I didn't post anything last month part because it was really busy and then part because there wasn't really much to say.

The change in the weather is really nice. We had a hot and humid summer and with it being cool now it is so wonderful to go outside and not sweat all over the place. Hate to say but I sweat like a guy sometimes and it is not pretty! It has been nice having the fire going again and sitting around and talking.

One of my friends from the resort that I met over the summer joined the church on Sunday and that was awesome. There had not been a new member for a while so this was like a little party. Speaking of the resort they called me this morning to ask if I would work during the holidays and maybe into the spring and I said I would. Be nice to have the extra money and maybe get some nice presents for Christmas.

I found an old recipe in Steve's mom's recipe box and it was pretty good. It is called "Raisin Spice Cake" and it really is awesome and I don't even like raisins!

Raisin Spice Cake

2 cups seedless raisins
2 1/4 cups water
1 cup vegetable oil
2 cups sugar
2 egss, beaten
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground clove
2 tsp all spice
2 tsp nutmeg (optional because it gives some people heartburn)
3 1/2 cups of flour. (Whole wheat unbleached flour works really well with this recipe.)
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda

Combine the raisins, spices, and water and simmer to a light boil and let it simmer for 15 minutes. Remove from heat and add oil, then the sugar, and then the eggs followed by the salt and baking soda. Sift in the flour and stir until smooth.

Pour the mixture into a greased 13x9 glass pan.

Bake at 375F in a regular oven or at 350F in a convection oven for around 35-40 minutes (check it at around 30 minutes).

It is awesome when it is hot but after it cools you can dust it with powdered sugar just to make it look nice. I also tried serving it with a Lemon-Brandy sauce and that worked out really well, too.

I got to admit I like this recipe because it gives a great smell to the house! I know I say to simmer it 15 minutes but I like to go 30 and add another 1/4 cup of water just so I can enjoy the smell! It is like a nice potpourri!

Okay, we have the telephone guy coming out to put in some new connection so I have to go. You all have a nice day!

Megan

Nice break.

Time away from this was nice. The moderation on comments got turned back on. It is funny the questions from the one person about my personal stuff wasn't mean like the one comment I deleted. Someone told me in an email that some people are braver on the internet than in real life and you can see it here sometimes when people post stuff they would never say to you in person.

Thanks Helene for your nice response. Nice to have a friend!

I was not offended by the questions because like you said it was nothing that wasn't put on here before but I don't mind looking at it and seeing how things have changed for me.

Anonymous said...
I have a few questions: I'd like to know about your first time with your husband. Did you two have a honeymoon? Did you start babymaking right at the start? What did you think the first time you were fucking him and you knew you were going to have a baby? Do you like sex now? Is it your idea or his idea to have sex? You ever do it and not want to? What does he do when you don't want to have sex? What do your sisterwives think of quiverfull and providentialism?

1. No, we really didn't have a honeymoon.

2. Yes, we started babymaking right at the start.

3. It scared the hell out of me.

4. Most of the time.

5. His most of the time.

6. Yes.

7. He pesters me until I say yes or just give in.

8. Mostly we just accept it.

There is another post about patriarchal crap and it is funny the person wrote about me having three husbands. I have been on email with someone who is writing a story with a woman who has more than one husband and I guess if you can have a man with three wives then I guess a woman can have three husbands. Why not?

If we were talking about gay polygamy or whatever you would call it then I don't think anyone would care. Like if five gay men or five lesbian women lived as a family would they get in trouble or would anyone who reads this blog care about it? I don't think so. I also don't think anyone would care if a woman lived with three men and had their kids. Maybe she could also call all of them her husbands.

With our situation the thing is that women from inside the church have a choice about what they do and not all of them marry and have kids. Most families in the church are a man and a woman and maybe 1/3 of them are poly families. It is expensive to be poly and you have to do a lot of things first before the church approves of your being a poly family. That means you need to be married for a while, have kids of your own, and be totally debt free and not many people can do all of that.

Women from outside the church, like me, accept the patriarchy and the Providentialism as part of our lives because this life is better than what we left behind. All of the women I know who joined the church left something worse behind them and this can be VERY hard to take sometimes but it is still soooo much better than being homeless, abused, around drugs and alcohol, single mom no one wants to date, and more.

Here I go with this:

I know I have a lot of friends on line and some of them know this but not all.

When I was sixteen my father was out of prison on parole and he was way into meth and I was seriously hoping the probation officers would test him and send him back to jail but he was always sober when they showed up and they did not test him so that didn't happen. One time my mom was out of the house and he was doing a lot of meth and he raped me. He got more prison time for that and then he died and now I finally feel safer.

It left me seriously messed up and my mom was not a lot of help because she was doing meth too. She is off it now and is starting a new life but the two years between when I was raped and when I married into my family she was all about the pipe. College was not going to happen and getting a job in Sacramento and getting a place of my own was not going to happen.

When I was 17 it got into my head that I wanted a baby and I wanted a baby bad. Yeah, I know all the psychological stuff about wanting a baby to love and being emotionally f*cked up and it was all true for me. I knew it at the time that I was messed up but that changed nothing. I also knew I wanted a safe place to be in and I wanted to be with people who already had a safe home. When Christie invited me to visit I cried the first time when I left because what they had was such a dream to me.

But why didn't I just marry a guy my age? Guys my age are addicted to their phones and their video games the same way my parents were into meth. I don't know ANY guys under 30 who have it together in any way and I was not going to wait until I was 30 to start a life when I needed a life at 18. So I married Steve and my family and I accepted the sex and the patriarchy as part of what I chose to do all on my own because even with the things that are hard this is still almost a dream compared to what I left behind.

You know the biggest change for me? I live in a house that is CLEAN. No dirty clothes on the floor, no trash piled up and stinking, no dirty dishes caked with goo, and no one on meth stealing everything that is worth anything so they can have their white dragon. We have some drama here but we NEVER have the probation officers busting in at 3am to do a check, we never have the police just messing with us because they know we are trouble, we don't go from one apartment to another because my mom or dad smoked the rent money and we got evicted again. I am not sleeping on my cousins couch. Or in the car.

I came to this wanting a safe place and I wanted babies and I have both. It is not a big fantasy land because all of that came with something too. The safe place and clean house takes a LOT of hard work and that is part of why I am not on the net a lot. Christie is working again and she is not even home right now. Steve and Tab are gone on work. Me and Macy and Hannah are doing everything at home right now and it is a lot of work. Having my babies meant being with Steve and he is a WONDERFUL man and he tries his best with me and he has been patient with me when it is the right thing and he has not been patient with me at time when that was the right thing too. He knows about my past and he has done what he thought was right and I look back and I think it was all fine because things are turning out pretty good.

He knew what was best for me and I was forced to trust him if I wanted to stay and things turned out pretty good I think. I know that is called patriarchal but is that wrong? It is hard to let someone else make your important choices for you but if they make better choices for you than you know you can make yourself then isn't that a good thing? I think it is.

I was up last night and saw a TV show about models in New York city and all the hard things they do. My life is a lot easier than that! And the men in the fashion business use them like toys and go on to the next girl. THAT is abusive patriarchal(ism?) to me! Poly is easy compared to being a model in New York.

I don't think this would work for most women and I REALLY don't think this kind of poly would work for most men. Most guys my age will never know what it is like to own a car or a house or be debt free. Most of them live with their parents.

I liked a comedian we saw on TV and he said people my age are stupid with the cell phones. He said he looks at kids and they all look like a monkey at the zoo with a nut! I like that but I think they look like squirrels with a nut.



What I mean is that where I am is where I needed to be two years ago. It is where I need to be now. It is not always easy but it is better than the other choices I had back then.

I guess I had something to write! (-:

Megan

My last post for a while.

Just taking a break until I have something to write about that doesn't sound like I am whining all the time.

I also went back and read my blog from beginning to end and I realized it is not anything to be all that proud of. That makes me really appreciate the people who read it and were friends to me anyway! Thank you!

Megan

Questions?

Hi. I'm just not thinking of anything to write right now and maybe I am a little not in the mood. If anyone has any questions please post them and I will respond. If you want to ask a personal question you can email me if you want.

megancwinkler@yahoo.com

Been working at a restaurant in town the past few Friday and Saturday nights and it has been nice to get out. They just need extra help until Labor Day and then after that I will go back to working when they cater or have parties. I love my family but getting to talk to people about things like movies and college and the news instead of babies and livestock and all has been nice.

Time to get lunch on. Have a nice weekend!

Megan

August 2, 2011

Just some things on my mind.

The girls are both walking now. Patty runs but Laura is walking and that is a relief because she was kind of slow on that compared to Patty.

Danny is doing great and has had no breathing problems, thank you Jesus.

Christie, Macy, and myself are all not pregnant still and it has been kind of nice to just have each other's company and all be able to do stuff at the same time. There has been a LOT of swimming with the heat and humidity. Not as bad as it has been like a week or so back, but it has still been really hot and humid compared to California. I miss Cali for the weather but not the people.

I picked up a summer job as a sous chef at a hotel in town for Friday and Saturday nights and I started last weekend. It was pretty easy stuff with just simple gravies and sauces and I added in a couple reductions I can do and they went over well. I'm going to see if they will let me try out my sourdough. I did a starter on the sourdough in October and I played with it and got it going pretty good. It makes a pretty nice baguette and if you go with rolls they end up pretty light. Saturday night I did popovers with the rolls and they were pretty popular too.

We did an interview. Steve got a call from a guy with a Japanese newspaper called Sankei Shimbun and he asked to come visit and he did not bring a camera or anything. He was very polite and says he just wanted to meet us for background on Christian poly families. He said that people in Japan are very interested in this and he was pretty cool saying that a lot of people in Japan are poly but they don't say it out loud. Like a man will have a wife and a family and then have a mistress and a family with her, too. He says there are people in Japan who want to be more open about things and if Americans can do it then maybe they can too.

Haven't seen any wolves all summer but the coyotes are coming around a lot to see if they can get at the chickens. We also had a fox come around and it was not doing anything aggressive it was just curious so we let it alone and now it comes around some days and just looks at us. We say hi and sometimes it sits down and keeps looking.

We had a pair of Cardinals around for a few days. The male is really pretty! They're kind of unusual around here but we have been told they come around when it is really hot where they normally live.

I got the Lord of the Rings movies on Blue ray and just have to find time to watch them.

My friend Lydia is doing really good with her first pregnancy. She's been sick a little but not too bad. Macy lent her a couple dresses since they are about the same size and Macy isn't using them right now.

There's a coyote outside yipping. I never get bored with that kind of thing!

It is late and that is about all for now.

I will still do questions if anyone cares and I also owe some people some e-mails, especially Alice. I will try to get to them soon!

Megan

A quick note on moderation

I'm going to try leaving the moderation open again but I am no longer going to allow anonymous comments. If you want to make some nasty comments you will have to put your name to it.

Things are going okay right now. We lost some cattle in the heat and I lost about 20 of my chickens. That was pretty hard.

I'll try to write more when I get more time.

Megan

Andrew's comment

It was bad but I left it there because it was true that I am whiny. Promise I'll try to work on that. If I knew how to edit that thing down I would but I will just leave it.

We got HBO for free last weekend and recorded the last part of Big Love. I never watched a lot of that show but the end was bad. Why kill the husband off? It just seemed wrong and then over someone's grass. Does anyone else think they had way to much drama on that show and that no one who is actually poly is anything like that?

Things are okay here and I hope you all are doing good too.

July 8, 2011

It's been a while since I posted a long post and I had a chance so here goes.

Danny the new baby is doing fine now and he's breathing good without the humidifier on all the time and that's a good thing because my room was pretty gross on the warm nights. He's gaining weight now and that is a relief. Someone mentioned maybe he is allergic to cow milk and he is not getting any cow milk yet.

My girls are both talking now but Patty started first and she's even saying small things like "Want water" "want cookie" and stuff like that.

Steve is doing really good with his work and he says it is the summer time and it's always easy to get work in the summer. Tab is with him working and they get along and are friends anymore. I think Steve likes having Tab around and thinks of him like a son in a way.

Tab and Stevie haven't had any kids yet but she says she is going to be happy to be a mom when the time comes.

Christie and Macy and their kids are doing good, too. What's funny right now is that none of us are pregnant for the first time in a long time. It would be nice to be that way for a while so we could enjoy the summer. I had a small glass of wine on the 4th and it was really nice because it made me feel kind of normal to be able to have a glass of wine and not be the pregnant girl who can't have any.

My bringing up the quiverfull thing caused some problems. It was not because I was arguing about it it was just I wanted to know more about it. It also makes me a little mad that this is what it is but no one wants to call it quiverfull and no one really wants to talk about it but then it is so big a deal. Christie calls it the elephant in the room.

I will deal with it but it is just wrong to me that the truth is not something you're supposed to talk about.

My friend Lydia is pregnant and seems pretty happy about it. She's like me the first time knowing that the baby changes everything and some of your choices go away when you find out you're pregnant. Up until that happens you can think that you can change your mind if you want but after that your responsibilities really change.

I added to my chickens and we made part of the barn into a hen house. I'm not sure exactly how many we have now but we all think it is around 350 chickens now. Every morning I am getting about eight to twelve dozen eggs and the money is starting to help out a lot.

That is about it for right now.

Have a Happy Saturday!

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July everyone! I hope your holiday weekend is as good and blessed as mine!

June 23, 2011

Hi,
Daniel is doing good. We had him to see the pediatrician and things are doing good. He's 10 pounds 4 ounces and the doctor said that was a little slow for gaining weight but it should get better when we stop the caffeine. I really thank everyone for the prayers!

I had an older lady Donna visit today and we were talking about the church and how things are and we were talking about Providence and it is something I hear sometimes. So I asked if Providence meant something more to the church and she got into how it has everything to do with why there's no birth control. I did some reading and found out it is called Providentialism and it is also known as Quiverfull.

This came up on here a long time ago and back then I didn't know a lot about the church so I said it wasn't us. I am wrong and I apologize to anyone who had me tell them we were not Quiverfull. They don't use that word but it is still the same thing if you ask me.

It's weird because living it seems pretty normal but when you have a name for it then it starts to sound sort of strange.

It is something to think about.

Update with Daniel

Forgive me if I make this short. Daniel was born almost four weeks early and he is having problems with breathing. It is better now but at first we had to have him with a humidifier and a machine to blow air up his nose all the time and now he can come out of his room more often. He should be okay after a while but it has been really hard for a while because he was doing a lot of apnea at first and it scared the hell out of everyone. We had to work to get him breathing a few times and he is on caffeine drops to help for now. The pediatrician says he should be okay in another month so we just need to get through this.

A prayer would be nice if you do that!

Megan

Daniel Paul - June 8th, 2011

Wednesday afternoon at 1:13pm Mountain Time we got to see Daniel Paul for the very first time! He's nine pounds and ten ounces and 22 inches long and he's noisy and waves his arms a lot.

Labor started around midnight on Tuesday and we called the midwife about 2am. We did it at home this time and it was so much nicer than at the hospital. The labor was 13 hours but once the birth started it went pretty quick and it was really pretty easy this time. Right after he was born there was a little excitement because I did some bleeding but then it ended. The OB today says I am fine and not to worry about it.

I would write more but it is late and I am seriously needing some sleep. I owe emails to Alice and Charity and a shout out to DT but it will have to wait, okay?

Love to you all and God bless you!

Megan

Why poly?

I was on IM with a friend last night and we were discussing why I did poly and my feelings with my father dying and all. I've always said that part of the thing for me was having other women around but last night it came out of me that the big reason poly appeals to me over a traditional relationship of husband & wife is because I am afraid to be alone with a man.

Steve is wonderful and I love him for himself and two years into this I could live alone with him and the babies if I had to. But I don't think I'd want to. Maybe that's part of why the jealousy thing is not that big a deal for me?

Having Christie and Macy (and Shari) to lean on and have as friends and family in the house has been very important to me. Without Christie to talk to I may have left early on and not because of anything Steve did, but just because of lingering fears in me.

My friend on IM says this was the best decision I could have made for myself and I questioned that quite a bit. But as I think about it, this was the best thing for me. I needed a situation that allowed me to be happy as a mom and to feel love and that allowed me to grow into being a wife with a healthier feeling about affection.

Is it for everyone? Of course not. But it is for me.

Update and answers to Questions

Sorry it took me so long to do this. Things have been busy, I'm not so happy sitting in this chair for too long, and I hate to say but the internet has not been so important to me lately. Kind of funny that real life is getting in the way of my computer time! Most people complain it is the other way around!

I saw the OB today and she says I am due any time now. She says another couple weeks might be good but that the baby seems fine and he's a good size even if he comes right now. The first time I did this I was so happy to have it over with but this time it's been so easy and comfortable that I've been enjoying it and I am going to miss being pregnant when the time comes. I know my little boy will be wonderful but there's this amazing thing about always having someone right with you all the time. Like that is news to some of you, I know, but it is new to me.

Carlee is trying for another baby again and I am hoping she has an easy time.

We're having some serious drama with Lauren and I am asking for prayer in that situation.

Stevie and Tab are doing good. Tab is working with Steve a lot and there is more work coming for the summer so things look pretty good that way.

Christie and Macy and their kids are doing good. So far neither of them is expecting yet but give it time and we know things will work out.

Patty and Laura are my blessings! Patty is starting to walk around on her own from like one wall to another and we're trying to get Laura to stand up on her own. She can stand a little but only if you're holding on to her.

I owe you all some answers so here we go:

Charmed asked if Tab's name was short for anything and it is just his nickname.

She also asked how Shari was doing and I think she is okay from what I hear. She moved to a new apartment in Seattle in a place called Capital Hill and it sounds nice.

M.Lynn asked some things: What are some differences (good or bad or just different) that you see between the last church community you were in CA and where you are now? Are both church fellowships connected to each other or completely independent and different styles, doctrine, etc?

So my old church got together once a month and it was like a picnic and all day long and it was like a family reunion each time. The new church meets every Sunday and it is nice but I kind of miss having church less but then having it more intense when we did do it. Things are less strict here and that is part because no one really watches us all that much. You get left alone here. So like we dress modest when we're out but it's okay to wear jeans and all or even shorts in the summer just not Daisy Dukes or lowriders is all.

Are you in touch at all with your mom since moving out of state? How do you feel that relationship has changed as you have settled into the family?

I talk to my mom on the phone enough. She has a boyfriend and he sounds nice and is nice to me when I call so I'm happy for her. With my dad gone I'm hoping she can start over and have some happiness. My relationship with her changed when I moved in with my family and for a while it got worse and then I got pregnant and I think she accepted things more at that point when she saw that I was serious about my family and my family was serious about me. I look back and I can see how important getting pregnant can be to making you part of a family. It's like instant roots.

What are things your family does for fun?

Horse riding and riding ATV's is a lot of fun and we also go to Yellowstone and Salt Lake City sometimes but then it is just Sundays when all of us go somewhere together. It just gets too much attention to go out like that. I do quilts and I did a chicken quilt and I will post the picture here. Quilting is kind of relaxing and I am enjoying doing it.



Do you think your family has settled for the long haul in the area you are at now or do you anticipate moving often?

We're home. (-:

Do you spend much time with the women in other families at your church or is most of your time focused with specifically your family?

Yes, I do. My two best friends from church anymore are Carlee and Lydia and we spend a lot of time together. Carlee is over here a lot and after the baby comes I plan on being over to help with her garden this summer.

and this might be too personal so just let me know---how do you work through/what do you talk to yourself about and think through when you are needing time with your hubby and he is with another wife and you feel jealous? do you have difficulty by like visioning their relationship or do you just train your mind to not think about the relationship your hubby shares with the other wives?

I'd be lying if I said it never bothers me that he is intimate with someone else but then I love the someone else he is with so that makes it easier. It is strange to get used to the thought that we share him but then sometimes that makes us closer. Like I have two friends to talk to about some very personal things and they totally understand what I'm saying and I totally understand it when it's one of them saying things like that. Being so close like this makes us all family and there are times when you see what we have as being family and so much more than just friends. I mean it is hard to have a jealousy in your heart for someone who loves your babies.

Are there times where your hubby confuses wives names?

Yes.

Isa asked about water and where we are we have rights to the ground water and we can let the cattle drink the creek water but we're not allowed to put in a dam or anything. Other weird thing is we can't use rain barrels off the roof because people downstream own that water. So we have a cistern. Weird thing is a rain barrel is illegal but a cistern is okay. And we have no water meters.

An anonymous person asked about our dinner table and we have two of them now. It's the best way to feed everyone at the same time.

Marcus asked what made my father a monster and I had over a month to think about answering that question. He took away my teenage years is what he did. He was selfish and on drugs and his love for his drugs mattered more than anything and in the end of it I gave up dances and dates and proms and yearbooks and just waited to be 18 so I could leave my old life and start a new one.

I watched the end of Oprah yesterday and the part where she had the scene from The Color Purple was really powerful. When Whoopi Goldberg said to Danny Glover that thing about how everything he had done to her he had already done to himself it just planted like a seed with me. It's been on my mind and maybe that's what got me to write in this blog finally.

By killing the child I once was my father killed any chance he could have had at being a decent person. There's no curse I could have prayed on him any worse than what he already did to himself.

I know it is not very Christian but I cannot bring myself to pray for him.

News

I found out earlier tonight that my father is dead. He died in prison after getting cancer. He was a monster in my life and I am glad that he is dead so I don't ever have to worry about him in my life ever again. My life was pretty normal until he messed it up.

I know I have some responses to do but I am not thinking of those things right now. I am sorry.

Things will be better.

The Up Late Update

I can't sleep. I am guessing it is the pregnancy thing or something. I'm totally wide awake.

I haven't really posted a lot in a while so this is a good time for it.

The best thing lately is Patty is walking. She started standing at around nine months and now at almost 1 year she is walking. I mean it is not like she is walking all over, but she can put her hands on things and walk around or if I hold her hand she can walk a while. Laura is still crawling and is wonderful and my wonderful little angel!

Christie is crazy busy with her work. Macy and Steve are trying for another baby.

Tab and Stevie are doing better after being here a while. Tab got a job of his own and says they will have their own place as soon as he can afford it but for now it is really nice having them live here.

My friend Carlee lost her baby. I can't even tell you how sad that has made her family. The doctor said there was no way that baby would have lived so I guess it is merciful but you still ask why even have that happen at all?

I'm horny. Everyone tells me it is hormones and all but it is a little too much for me. I mean it is nice that I am finally feeling very positive about sex but it is also kind of strange because my mind is one way and my body is another.

Marcus wrote to me. It was a really nice letter! He attached pictures of his new house and his girlfriend (cute!) and I am praying for his happiness.

Snow is boring.

I've had a couple people send me serious letters about national health care. I guess my whole opinion of it is if it is so wonderful then 1) why do people have to be forced to buy it? and 2) why is it the very first thing that Congress and Obama did was make sure they could keep their health care? And now like a whole bunch of unions and states and all are wanting to be exempt from it?

I mean if the people who know the most about it won't use it then I am thinking it won't be all that great for me either.

Canada looks like they might legalize poly! That would be so awesome! I am thinking if it gets legalized there then it won't be a long time before it is legal here, too.

Having one baby is waaaaaay better than having two! This has been so easy compared to the last time! My feet don't hurt, my boobs feel better, I am not ripping stretch marks all the time, and I don't feel as big as a whale. If it is just one at a time after this I will be so happy!!!

The chickens are happy and doing well. I have some chicks already and the summer will probably see 60-100 new babies in the yard! That also means I will need to sell some chickens soon and that is cool with tourist season coming up.

It is 2:24am and time to go to bed even if I can't sleep.

I would LOVE some questions! Ask me ANYTHING you want. If it's bad I just won't answer so feel free to ask any crazy questions as anonymous if you want, I won't mind.

Everyone take care and I hope you are all enjoying the Spring!

Reporter needing help

I have a reporter who wrote to me looking for someone to do a story or show on pregnancy and poly. I can't do it but anyone want to? Let me know and I will send your info to her. She is from Discovery Channel.

Robyn's Questions

If Steve were suddenly not there (as in BigLove) would you wives all stay together as a family unit and raise your children together? Or is Steve what holds the family together and if he weren't there you would simply be single mothers and drift appart over time? Robyn

I am sorry but we don't get HBO. Christie bought the first season of Big Love on DVD and it was just too much drama. There were things in it that were just not right but I guess that makes a good TV show.

If Steve were not there then we are taken care of financially and at this point I think all three of us would stay together at least for a while. The church tends to want widows to remarry and maybe...? I don't know. I hope it never comes up. But with the three of us our kids tie us all together and I don't ever see us drifting apart.

Thank you for the really good questions!

Candice's Question

From Candice:

I had a bit of a question: I follow a lot of Muslim blogs and polygamy is coming up SO MUCH lately. I really see the contrast between the life they lead and your's. As you might know, polygamy in Islam is a bit different. It's normally not a big family like your's, but more about a husband going from one home to the other, both wives and her children living separately from each other. What do you feel are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? Would you give up the sisterhood you have with your wives and the "big family" feel to have more of a one-on-one relationship with husband and only only you, him and your children to take care of?

I guess I am used to this and I really like it. But it could be hard if you didn't like your sisterwives and maybe that's something the Muslims think about. I also think the Muslim men don't want to be outnumbered in the house. Steve sometimes has to deal with the fact that three women will sometimes outvote his opinion and sometimes he will say he doesn't want something to happen and we all do it anyway.

Two years ago when I was thinking about this (I just had my 2nd Anniversary! Yay!) a big thing that made me want to do this was the thing that I would not be alone with a man but would have another woman to have as a friend in the house. It was a million percent different when I got married than what I thought it would be but I am still sure about this one part and I love my sisterwives and would never want to be living alone without them.

A really good question

This was from Anonymous:

Hi Megan, I enjoy reading your posts and I'm glad you've found the love / family situation that works for you! I have a question that I've kind of always wondered about poly families and I thought you might be able to answer it or give an educated guess because you know a lot more families than I do. How many of the families that you know are truly making it on their own (by that I mean the husband is supporting everyone) as compared to how many have all the unmarried (in the legal sense) wives receiving welfare benefits? I know that's a typical criticism of poly families, that most of the family is just receiving welfare and I'm curious if you think it's true or if most of the families you know are truly supporting themselves. (no judgment intended, just genuinely curious) Best wishes to your family, hope spring is right around the corner!

I am sure I wrote about this before but I don't mind answering this again.

In our church couples don't take another person into their family unless they are 100% debt free and have some money put away. There are no set rules about that because things happen and the rules are not going to get in the way of doing the right thing, meaning the right thing to do is always the right thing to do regardless of the rules. Like how Jesus and the Apostles healed people on the Sabbath. The rules said you're not supposed to do that but it was the right thing to do.

But mostly the rule is obeyed and only a family that can provide for a new person is accepted in doing that. Like some people ask if my family will ever add a fourth wife and that is not going to happen that I can imagine even if we wanted to. We're pretty tight on money and that will not change that I can see so it's not something to worry about.

Families that have problems get help from the church and the church has a reserve fund for that kind of thing. Our old congregation had the goal of being able to support all of our families for a year and they met that goal. Our new congregation is not doing as well and it will be a while before we get to being able to support everyone for a year. But if a family has a hard time the church does the support first because we do not want attention from anyone.

I do know some poly people are anti-American and they take welfare and call it 'bleeding the beast' and we absolutely would NEVER do that! I also have some friends online who are FLDS and they tell me they don't do that either.

I also know I never would have done this if it meant going on welfare to make things happen. Not like I am down on people who get welfare, it's just if I have a choice I don't want to be one of them.

Heidi's Questions

Heidi, Thanks for giving me something to write!

1. Describe a day in the life at your farm with your family.

I'm usually up around 5am to get breakfast going unless it was my night to sleep in with Steve or to sleep in by myself and then I will get up around 7 or so. If I'm doing breakfast I get it prepped and on the table for 6:30 and that's right about when everyone else is up. By 7:30 the kitchen is clean and I'm either with the babies or the chickens collecting eggs for the day. After that I usually bake bread or prep for lunch and somewhere in that I take about an hour to be with my girls. Noon time and it's lunch and that lasts about 30 minutes or so and then it is back to babies or out to feed the cattle. After those chores are done I take another hour with my babies and then it's time to start dinner. Dinner is usually on the table at 6pm and it's cleaned up by 7pm. Then it is time to sit with the family and we talk or sometimes watch movies or something family friendly on TV. Sometimes we are out to the hot tub at night and I'll soak my feet since I can't be in there for now. Then bed time is around 9 to 10 and I usually go for 10 and feed the girls a little before bed so they sleep all night.

2. Now that you've been married a while, describe how your marriage is different from what you thought it would be (before you moved into the family home), and/or how much it's like what you thought it would be.

I am not sure what I thought it would be like before. I really didn't think of the marriage part I mostly just thought of the babies and not living at home with my mom part. That sounds pretty bad and it is pretty bad. I think I was doing things just because they were things to do and I didn't think about them as much as I should have. My wedding night was the start of a very long reality check. In a lot of ways I think it is a lot better than I thought it would be because I have gotten to know and love everyone and this is the best and most loved I've ever been. It's hard to explain but there is this warm feeling in my heart now that was never there before and I hope it never changes.

3. Tell us a funny story about what it's like to live in such a big family (I bet all those kids do some romping together).


I don't really have any stories but maybe a lot of little 'pictures'. Like getting busy with Steve in the kitchen and getting caught. Skinny dipping in the pool for the first time. Sleeping with Macy or Christie and feeling really close to them. Having one of Steve's daughters slip into my bed at night to be close to me because they love me. Having four babies and two toddlers crying all at the same time and no one else is around to help. Finding my first chicken killed by a coyote. Laughing around the dinner table as a big family. Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve and everyone dressed for church. Birthdays and LOTS of them! Chatting in the kitchen with a teenager about things that I did a few years ago as a teenager. Feeling so much older than I did two years ago. Quilting and enjoying it and not missing the city. Church picnics with lots of happy families. Showering with someone else and realizing you didn't think about it. Trusting someone with everything.

Cryng right now because I am so happy!

February 17, 2011

Just an update since I have some time right now:

Steve's daughter Stevie and her husband are going to be moving here to live with us in the guest house around the end of the month. Their home was being foreclosed on and the bank would not work with them so they negotiated to just leave at the end of the month instead of getting evicted. Stevie's husband lost his job and that messed things up for them and then we can't afford to do anything for them so the only thing left is to have them move here. It will be nice to have Stevie with us again but this was not the best way to do that.

It's been cloudy and will be cloudy with snow all week and I am starting to miss the better weather in California. But that's all I miss there!

My church has had two visitors lately. Lydia is visiting with a family and she decided to stay and so they're doing a wedding at church on Sunday for them and that will be nice. We also have a FLDS boy (he's 19 I think) who came in to the shelter in Denver and has moved in with a family up here. The family is going to help him get himself set up so he is not homeless anymore. He's really nice and I am hoping he stays on in town after he gets a job and all.

Steve sold his airplane because he says it was too expensive anymore to just sit in a hangar and then without a lot of work right now he doesn't need it. Macy, Christie, and me we don't miss the plane because we always worried about him flying around in it and now he's just going to use an airline when he needs to get somewhere.

My pregnancy is going so easy this time. I didn't realize how hard it was the first time until now.

Patty and Laura are doing really well. Christie has been home and she spends a lot of time with all of the babies teaching them and she's got Eric starting to read now and that is so cool! I don't think I did any reading until I was 6 or 7.

The chickens are doing good. We put in some lights in the barn for them and that got them laying more so we are leaving the lights on 16 hours a day for them.

I finished another quilt and it will be a wedding gift for Lydia. I did a quilt with chickens on it. (-:

Things are going on so I have to go but there is most of what is going on right now.

Anonymous asks more questions

With all of the babies in your home, do they all live together in a nursery-type area of your house, are they split up and live with their mom, or is it some other arrangement?

The babies live with their moms but during the day they are with whoever is free to be with them.

Do the old kids have their own rooms, or do they share?

Lauren and Hannah are sharing again.

Yahoo Groups post from Alan M. - VERY COOL!!!

Alan M. sent this to me from Yahoo Groups and I am just posting it here because it is pretty awesome!!

@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@##@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@

Polyamory advocates break new ground in one of Canada's highest courts, with media coverage to match. A happy poly household is featured on TV, with toddler. We read that "Three is the new two," "Poly is the new gay," and "Is polyamory the new black?" Deborah Anapol weighs upsides and downsides. And a study uncovers a pathetic truth: many young lovers recall the opposite of what their partner does about their agreement on whether to be monogamous.

If you haven't kept up with Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com) in the last three months, here is some of what you missed:

** Canadian activists take the case for poly decriminalization to British Columbia's highest court. "Attorney John Ince, representing the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association, delivered the most direct and specific defense of polyamory as a legitimate way of life ever presented before such a high court. By evening the news was all over Canada...."

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/11/radical-intrusion-into-private-sphere.html

** More on the Canadian case, including a poly family who came very out:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/search/label/Canada

** "Three is the new two, as couples explore the boundaries of non-monogamy". "The Hill-Thompsons are like any other young family expecting their first baby.... There is, however, one thing about the Hill-Thompsons that makes them a little unusual: there are three of them." Another mainstream newspaper shows that it can do a good job:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/11/three-is-new-two-as-couples-explore.html

** A happy poly household is featured on TV, in a place that has left a terrible past behind:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2011/01/poly-on-tv-where-world-was-reborn.html

** Thirty years later, poly movement co-founder Deborah Anapol offers thoughtful observations on the downsides and upsides of poly life:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/11/downsides-of-polyamory.html
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/upside-of-polyamory.html

** More college newspaper coverage, including more remarks on "poly as the new gay":

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/recent-poly-thoughts-in-student.html

** A women's magazine asks, "Is polyamory the new black?"

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/poly-explained-for-checkout-counter-set.html

** New culture? New advice columns needed. A roundup of both knowledgeable and clueless attempts to deal with the subject:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/new-culture-new-advice-columns-needed.html

** Kind hearts, cruel results? Although love should be the great clarifier of values, poly love is no better than the usual kind at guaranteeing that you won't mess someone up:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2011/01/kind-hearts-cruel-results.html

** "How to have an Open Relationship." A strong, healthy feminist voice in YES magazine sets an example:

http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/what-happy-families-know/sex-without-jealousy-love-without-ownership

** Poly and jolly for the holidays. Okay, they're over, but go ahead and enjoy this collection anyway:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/poly-and-jolly-for-holidays.html

** History buffs: Although the word "polyamory" was coined for its current meaning in 1990 and 1992 (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2007/01/polyamory-enters-oxford-english.html), a version of it first appeared as early as 1953 -- but not for someone we would apply it to:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/first-appearance-of-word-polyamorist.html

** And a large study reveals the sad truth: most young couples who *think* they have had a discussion about monogamy, and agreed with each other whether or not to be exclusive, might as well have been talking to the wind. A coinflip would do almost as well for telling whether the other partner heard what they said, or heard the opposite. Communication catastrophe in mainstream monogamy:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2011/01/communication-catastrophe-in-mainstream.html

------------------

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http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com

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http://twitter.com/PolyintheNews

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http://www.facebook.com/people/Alan-Polyinthemedia/100000352531409

I've done 476 of these reports in the last six years, covering roughly 1,000 items in news media of all kinds. Archived entries are sorted by topic, date, and sometimes location and language. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I do creating them!

Happy snow season,

Alan

P.S. Hope to see you at Loving More's Poly Living conference in Philadelphia next weekend, February 4-6:
http://www.lovemore.com/conferences/polyliving/pleindex.php

...and/or at Atlanta Poly Weekend March 25-27:
http://www.atlantapolyweekend.com/

(Crossposted)

Anonymous questions from blog and Brian

These are questions that were from an anonymous person on the blog and from Brian from Halifax.

Anonymous asked:

Now that you have been married a while and with baby #3 on the way, how has your love changed (if at all) towards Steve and your sister wives?

It is almost two years since I got married and things have changed a lot. The big thing is that I do love Steve and Christie and Macy. At first there was no way to say that because I didn't really know them and for a while I think I was even a little afraid of Steve. Once I was pregnant I really got to see how everyone could be and it was easy to start loving them.

Is this the life you imagined for yourself and how has it changed you being poly.

On the first part yes and no. I mean I came in to this with a fantasy and not thinking things all the way through and then I had to deal with reality like a husband is also a man, babies need a LOT of love and care, a home is a full time job, the world is not all about me, and the love you get is equal to the love you give. (My favorite line from a Beatles song!)

The second part is I think I was poly coming in to this and now I am just a part of a family. You don't really think of the poly thing a lot every day and the times when the poly thing is a big deal just don't happen that much. I mean most of the time being poly is just being in a big family and doing chores and cooking and talking to each other and stuff like that.

Brian from Halifax asked:

So how many kids do you want?

I want four or five but reality is I will probably have maybe six or seven. Who knows? Doing things one day at a time is the best way to do anything and that is what I am doing.

Alice's Questions

How is the quilting coming along?

Pretty good. I finished a quilt with chickens for my bed and then did another with US flags on it for Steve's Christmas present and it was fun! I do it when I am watching TV or just sitting and talking and it keeps my hands busy. I never got why some people do it but it is relaxing and sort of addictive so I get it now.

How are you feeling with this pregnancy? Are you extra tired?

I'm doing better than with the first one. This is soooooo much easier just having one baby! I get tired but not too bad.

You haven't shared recently on the blog about what your little ones are doing now. Are they getting around well on their own? Do they have any words or specially little cute actions that make you smile? You had said that you were going to have to start out sleeping together. Are they still sleeping together.

I got turned off talking about them because of some of the hate mail I get. Just figured why share something nice when some assmonkey will try to make something bad out of it? The girls are doing fine and Patty is still ahead of Laura. Laura is still the quiet one and she's a mommy's girl and Patty just loves everyone. It's pretty cool to see them so different already. They sleep together and it's funny that Patty fusses if she isn't put down with Laura so we keep them together.

Oh...how are the chickens doing? I'm curious, about how many eggs are you getting each day right now? How does that number compare to what you got during the Summer?

The chickens are doing really good. My big surprise was finding a hen with eight chicks in the wood pile outside the barn. It is freaking COLD out so it was a miracle she kept them all going. They're all inside now with the other birds. I get about five dozen eggs a day now and I sell them to one restaurant now in town for $5 a dozen. That sounds like a lot until you figure gas and all and the restaurant likes the eggs because around here most eggs come from like Kansas and you just get the white ones.

Lydia's Questions

Lydia (who says she is 18 and poly-curious) emailed me some personal questions and I decided to put the answers here after I emailed back to her.

How do you feel after almost two years of marriage? Do you think this is permanant for you?

I feel happier than I did before, that is for sure! At first it was not easy but some of that was me adjusting to not having all the drama going on. When you're used to fighting all the time and then it stops it takes a while before you're not ready for a fight all the time. Yes, it is permanent. There's no going back on motherhood and I love Steve and Christie and Macy and would never want to be away from them.

How do you feel about sex now? Are you still scared?

I am much more comfortable with sex now and most of that is because I know Steve and I love him now. I love being with him and thinking about having babies for him is beyond words for me! Every time he is with me he is telling me he wants to have children with me and it makes me feel so loved and so important. It is also easy to forget being scared when the sex is really good!

...do you think you will have a fourth wife in the house?

Not that I can imagine. Money is really tight and being away from California has cost us more money in some ways so I don't see that happening. I won't say 'never' because I know better but I will say not now and not any time soon.

Do you want your girls to be poly?

I want my girls to be happy. Whatever that means for them is fine with me.

What do you do for hobbies and for yourself?

I cook a lot and I am quilting too and that is fun. And taking care of the family is also something I love to do and I enjoy it so it is kind of a hobby. It is a lot of hard work around here but it is not like it is a job with a boss telling you what to do. You just see things that need doing and you do them.

still getting hate mail and perverted mail?

Not so much. I had one last month and it was not so bad. Marcus and a few other people chat with me on IM when I have the time and we do chat about personal things and I don't mind because it is sometimes nice to have someone to chat with about that kind of stuff. I wish I had more time for the computer because I miss friends like Fay, Thia, Carlton, and especially Erica.

Edward's question

Suppose I (and my wife) decided after much prayer and discussion that our family would be better with another wife in the picture. We don't live in a state with any noticeable population of polygamous households. How or where do we find like-minded people to even discuss courtships or that sort of thing?

Hi, Edward

I found my family on the Sac-Poly Yahoo group and there are a lot of other sites where you can meet poly-minded people or just chat with them. I am not an expert on poly so I don't want to really say what sites to go to but maybe the people who read my blog have some sites they like and will share?

I liked what you said with: We don't live in a state with any noticeable population of polygamous households.

That because it is probably not true! I had no idea that California had a LOT of poly people until I started looking. Most of the poly people I ran into were not religious or are pagan (their words, not mine) but then some are religious and they really keep it all on the downlow so you don't know they are there. We used to live near Roseville, California and almost none of our neighbors knew we were a poly family.

The Fundamentalist LDS people are in a few states but then I get email from some of them who live in states I don't think most people know about. I won't say where to protect their privacy.

One bit of advice if you want to be left alone is don't call your 2nd wife your wife anywhere in public. She can be a friend who lives with you, your mistress, you can even say she is an ex-wife and no one will ever care. In my house I just say I live here is all and that's all people ask.

Poly is not easy for some people but if your wife is 100% in favor of it I think it is beautiful. You get to have a best friend in the house who knows everything. That is the other thing, if you have any secrets and want to keep them then poly is not for you. Like with us there are three women who really know Steve and we talk and when something is up one of us notices something, another noticed something else, the third noticed something more, and then we talk and put it all together.

I will keep you in my prayers that no matter what you decide to do it is the right thing for you both!

Megan

Okay, it is freaking cold!

The snow is mostly six feet deep around here and it's in drifts that are like sand dunes in a way. It's beautiful but not when you have things to do.

I don't know why, but I am just not thinking about a lot to write lately. Maybe it is motivation? Maybe I'm a little bored. Every day is more or less the same since Christmas so it is not like it is all that exciting.

I am always good with questions and I don't mind if anyone wants to post just random thoughts about stuff like global warming...HAH!!!!

Here's a prayer that you all have a wonderful 2011!

TTYL