Wow. Lot of stuff again.
I guess to explain it isn't like it's some creepy orgy thing with us. I think I should say that I kind of like it too. It's nice to be all cuddled up all night and it feels really secure. It is really new to me but it doesn't feel like it's perverted or creepy. I guess a lot of that is because I am with people I really, really, REALLY love. Christie kissing me is okay with me because it isn't like she's all giving me the tongue! LOL!! No, but she does kiss me on the lips and that is intimate in a nice way. Bisexuality is absolutely forbidden so that won't be happening today or ever with me or Shari or Christie. Sharing the bed is normal with some people in the church and with others they do separate beds and even here most of the time they don't share the bed. Like even this past week it was mostly just one of us at night with Steve. When everyone is home again it will be back to normal because there is so much to do around here when everyone is home things don't happen unless two of us are free to get things going everyday.
Donald was right that this was a surprise to me but then it wasn't in a way. I guess I picked up on everyone being really comfortable with each other so when this came up I was like, "Okay, yeah, that explains it." I was really close and comfy with Christie before this but now I feel like there is nothing I can't share with her anymore so I can see how this can be a very good thing. I also get how it can be VERY bad if it gets creepy with some people. I don't know how to say this but I know it seems perverted to some but when you are there it is really kind of beautiful. I know that sounds so hypocritical from me because just hearing Christie and Steve making love in the next room freaked me out a few weeks ago and now I'm in bed with them and saying it seems just fine.
Big Love Over Logic said Happy 2nd Month Anniversary! Thank you! (-:
Thanks for saying that what happened is normal because it feels normal to me. In a way, it feels better to me to know what is happening and how my sisterwives are with Steve than to just hear something late at night and wonder about it. It does not seem to bother me anymore now. I don't know if I will say anything to Steve about being different with me because everything is different all the time and I guess I want to know what else can be different and still be okay of course. I guess I don't want to not try something I might like.
3rd asked if the church approved and I guess they do. Steve said I can talk to Pastor Jeff about it if I want. I don't know about that but I might ask a little with one of my friends who is my age and in a marriage in the church when we do the church meeting in June. I don't want to run away but I can understand how this might scare someone else and if I had known this before it would have scared me too. I guess it is like a hot bath with being in a poly marriage because you dip your toes in and pull back, then you put your foot in, and then you just kind of slowly put yourself all the way in but not all at once. And then when you do get all the way into the bath it feels good but if you had gone in all at once it would have hurt. That's the way I am looking at this.
ALM I guess to continue what I said above here is that I don't see Steve and Shari and Christie being dishonest with me about not telling me somethings but I accept what Steve said to me last week that they just wanted to tell me things when I was ready for them. I don't know what to think about Marcus. He sends me emails too and 99% of them are really good with really good advice and he even gave me good advice for pancakes!!! I was making really BAD pancakes and then he told me to get Snoqualimie Falls pancake mix at Winco and to use a lower heat and now everyone likes my pancakes! He knows I will ignore somethings but sometimes I just wait for the words to use to say something back in a nice way.
Christian Fundy Mom and church musician I know the Bible says a lot of things but you can always find lots of things about poly and poly families being together. I learned some history and until the last 100 years it was normal for families to all sleep in the same bed sometimes and the kids would be there when mom and dad were doing things sometimes. Used to be 100% normal and still is normal in some places. America just has a lot of history with the pilgrims and being Puritanical and not all of that was good. Sex is a gift from God and it can be wonderful and loving and it can be dirty but that is up to us. A married couple who go to church every week can be dirty with each other at home and it can be perverted and wrong and just because it is only two people does not make it normal or decent. So three people can be together and it can be wonderful and not perverted. Just the four of us being a family is wrong by most Christians so I don't expect to be thought of as normal because we are different in other ways too. But if w3e are not normal why do I feel so normal? I don't feel dirty or anything and I really feel closer to my husband and my sisterwives than before. I'm more comforatable with Christie and things that I was shy about I'm not so bothered about now. It really is kind of nice to have that.
Okay, this took me three hours to write and I want lunch. Have a nice weekend everyone!
You have really done an amazing job with this blog. It is very interesting to read your thoughtful words and learn so much about the daily lives of a plural family. It is great that you have found happiness and love and I wish you and your family many blessings.
ReplyDeleteWhat you have shared is a very beautiful part of plural marriage. We appreciate you letting us into your family and their lives.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
M & Scott
Megan, I appreciate the honesty with which you share. This issue has divided your readers, but it's good that it's out there.
ReplyDeleteI'm not really sure where I stand on the issue of sharing a bed. I have a very strong belief in keeping sex within marriage, but within marriage I'm less conservative. Song of Solomon is a very steamy read when you understand all the metaphoric language, and its central theme (found in the very center of the book) is God's blessing to the husband and wife: 'Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers.' I think it's saying, hold nothing back! Enjoy each other fully.
The Bible says much less though about the relationship between sister wives. King Solomon had many wives (way too many), but in the context of sex, the poem only talks about the one. That doesn't necessarily mean wives can't share the same bed, but it does seem to imply that sexual intimacy is a private expression of love between one man and one woman.
Like I said, my opinion one way or the other isn't as strong as most commenters. Above all, I still sense a very strong and genuine love in your family and that has to be a good thing.
My biggest concern is probably for you and Christie. It's great that you really love each other, and that you've grown so close, but you need to be careful. If Christie is as sexually driven as you suggest, things could get really confusing really quickly — and that could lead to a lot of pain later on if it's against your beliefs and those of your family and church.
The one thing I really really hope you keep doing is listening very carefully to your inner voice. We learn to do this better throughout the years..and I just hope you don't look back in ten years and feel 'i wouldn't have done that was the choice presented to me now'..
ReplyDeleteIn terms of what's natural and feels comfortable.. I can't really agree with the line of reasoning you provide in this post. People might feel very comfortable walking around naked in some cultures, in poor countries it is to this day not uncommon to see someone responding to the call of nature of the bigger kind in public.. Yet Prophets have been sent to people to dress them with honour, modesty, moral excellence..they showed people that some things which seemed very natural to them were not honourable in God's perspective. Like marrying two blood sisters, or marrying your stephmother etc..
I get why your church allows sisterwives to have sex with their husband at the same time..it isn't explicitly forbidden in the Bible. They don't allow for bisexuality because that IS explicitly forbidden. And since they allow it, the burden is on them mostly..and in that sense I am a bit relieved for you.
According to me however watching other people have sex is not honourable at all, no matter how close it makes you feel to a person. And that is why your church forbids porn..
The line of thinking you presented in the beginning was that sex is intended for procreation according to your church and that is why oral sex isn't allowed.. what has Christie got to do with your effort to make babies with Steve?
In response to 3rd. Where is it not honorable to marry two blood sisters? It says not to marry a sister to vex the other. If your intent is to cause hurt or strife (vex), then it would be wrong to marry a blood sister of your wife. Marrying your step mother is an abomination. The two are totally unrelated, yet you are lumping them together.
ReplyDeleteAs for bisexuality being explicitly forbidden.... There is only one reference to a female giving up the natural use of her body, and it's in the New Testament.God's law is silent on the issue, yet condemns sodomites to death. Maybe women should automatically be lumped into that category?
There is a difference between two wives and their husband sharing (marriage bed is undefiled) vs two dikes. They have given up the natural use of their body, as it's pretty hard to have a family without a husband, yet the married ladies can get pregnant, or have the man, any time they want.There also may be a difference between the wives doing things separately vs together with the husband. We are left to our own interpretation with this one.
Personally, I'm not sure I would want to be together, so I'm not trying to justify my own desires either.
3rd... said...
ReplyDeleteThe line of thinking you presented in the beginning was that sex is intended for procreation according to your church and that is why oral sex isn't allowed.. what has Christie got to do with your effort to make babies with Steve?
That's exactly what I was thinking. These seem like rather arbitrary lines drawn.
Regardless, the four of you are "married" so it really shouldn't matter what permutation you choose to indulge in God's gift to your relationship. You share all other responsibilities simultaneously, so why is this wrong?