Thursday, May 14, 2009

May 14, 2009

It's been a very interesting week. It's been very quiet around the house with Shari and the girls up in Oregon. With four less people here it's been really easy to get the meals and the chores all done so I've had a lot of time to myself and then I've had a lot of time with Steve and Christie too. But after so long with so much happening here all the time the house seems so empty and not so small like it used to.
The construction for the addition is waiting on a building inspector to approve the electrical work and then they can do the walls. Steve says it is still going to be done in a few weeks.
Okay, so Christie and I were sleeping together after Nanna moved here and we got a lot closer than we used to be and that is a good thing. Christie kisses the girls all the time like Steve and Shari do and last week she came to bed with me and kissed me good night. On the lips. I was really surprised but then was okay because they do that a lot anyway and it was nice.
So Shari went up to Oregon with the girls and Steve was here all week until he left today to go up for the funeral. He had a lot of work that could not be left behind so he had to stay. Well, Christie and I had been sleeping together and she invited me to sleep with her and Steve. She ended up telling me that she and Shari and Steve sleep together sometimes and they even get busy together. Christie said she didn't at first when she came here but after she had Eric they started all sleeping together with the baby in the room so it wasn't so much work for Christie and then one thing led to another and she said one night Steve was cuddled up to her and they got going with Shari sleeping in the bed.
I had to think about it and then went ahead and tried it. Steve was a very happy man! It was different for me because Steve is different with Christie than he normally is with me and so when we were all together he was with me more like how he is with Christie. Some of it I liked and some of it is just okay.
So I found out again that some things here are different than I thought. I didn't know they slept together and did things and I don't think I would be here if I had know that when I started but now it seems okay. Two months into this and everything is different for me. I guess I was naive in how I saw things because now I think about it and some of the things that surprised me were right in front of me all along and I just didn't know what I was seeing.
Tonight it is just me and Christie and the babies so we are renting some movies and ordering a pizza for dinner. We have to drive in to pick it up and Christie is promising me we can get a chocolate dessert at the bakery. Mmmmmm!!!

Email time. I might be on to update this later tonight. I'm not sure.


  1. I'm curious how Steve was different with you as compared to how he was with Christie? And what is it you like and what do you dislike?

    I'm also interested in how Shari is feeling?

  2. Shari is still feeling pretty bad. I'll see her on Monday when she gets back so maybe sometime after that I will post more about her.

  3. Marcus, I read your comment before I'd read Megan's post, and I must confess to thinking: Oh no, Marcus is asking about sex again — the guy is obsessed! But after reading the post I completely understand your curiosity.

    Megan, I've heard that quite a few polygynous marriages do sex with more than one wife in the bed, but having pictured your family as fairly conservative (e.g. no oral sex) I was really surprised. It sounds like you were too!

  4. Happy 2 month Anniversary. Megan :) Thank you for sharing these new developments, I know they are very personal.

    What is going on in your family is very common. When we add our new spouse, we want one marriage, one bed, one family. I kind of thought things might lead in that direction with your family but I was somewhat surprised as I thought they would have discussed it prior to you entering the family. But you never know things change. With several families from sisterwives things changed later in the marriage and they weren't together until later, so everyone is different.

    If you would like Steve to be more like he normally is with you even when you are in bed with he and Christie I would tell him what you like. Men usually like you to tell them what you like, so I would just tell him what you like and what is just okay :)

    Thank you for sharing, M

  5. how does the church you attend think about this? is it something they approve?
    to me it's perverse.. :( and I feel a bit sad to read this, since I thought you had a very nice thing here, a clean and blessed marriage..
    I am happy you are happy with the situation, as otherwise you would have had your heart broken another time, and with all family drama you've been through I really don't wish for more drama for you
    So, I personally would run away immediately from the whole thing.. and I hope you look at your inner most feelings to see if this makes you feel happy and at ease.. if this is truly the type of family you wish for
    all the best megan

  6. I must say that when I read this I was saddened and a big red flag went straight in the air. I too am curious as to what your church would say about three-somes. Also, Christie kissing you on the lips has sexual overtones no matter how you justify it. Couple that (no pun intended) with the three of you becoming intimate makes me wonder if future threesome trysts might lead Christie becoming more sexual towards you. Are you going to be okay with that when/if it happens?

    I too think that kind of bedroom behavior should have been discussed with you prior to you joining the family.

    I have to be honest and say that it seems to me that Marcus is looking for his jollies with his line of questioning. The begnign-ness of his questions feel creepy and sinister. Marcus reminds me of someone who violated me via a phone conversation.

    This man was a sexual deviate who called saying he was a doctor and that the place where my husband worked had been visited by clients outside the country. He said that these visitors had a contagious disease and that all the employees and their families were being contacted. He started asking innocent health questions and they gradually escalated into sexual questions, which was where I terminated the call.

    I was pregnant at the time and very concerned when he stated the reason for his call. I got wiser as the questions became irrelevant to the issue. Sorry, but Marcus's line of questioning is very similar to that guy's MO. If you're not comfortable answering questions, Megan, it is perfectly alright to let them go un-answered.

  7. I don't understand how sharing a bed with more than one person is holy or Biblical. There is plenty of mention in Scripture of men taking more than one wife, with God's approval--but God's design for sexual intimacy ("let the marriage bed be undefiled") is always one man with one woman.

    I'm afraid that my whole attitude and perspective of your situation has changed. I'm hoping that you'll speak to your pastor's wife about this, and that there may be clear guidelines in place for others who may be looking for God's blessings in this type of family.

  8. Wow, I'm a Christian Fundamentalist and a polygamist and NO WHERE in the bible does it say that sharing of beds is appropriate. I agree with 3rd, it sounds like someone likes to be intimate with thier spouse and put on a show. In my own opinion, not revealing to you this HUGE factor in thier marrriage is misleading and Steve is wrong for not keeping your feelings under consideration. If they want to share a bed, fine..but YOU should have been informed. This is lifestyle is not about hiding, it's about truthfulness and honor. I would be very angry with my husband if this ever came across the dinner table as a topic of conversation..

    More importantly, it is only TWO months and you are learning BIG things that should have been in the "We want to bring you into the family" conversation. What are you going to learn five months or a year down the road??

    The marriage bed and intimacy between a husband and wife is just that, between a husband and a wife. The TWO will be become ONE in flesh..Not Two will become ONE if flesh while number three sits by and watches...Each wife desearves her own space and her own idenity. And each wife deserves to be naked and vunerable in front of ONLY her husband and not her sisterwife..

    And I'm sorry, but many Poly. families that are centered around the Gospel are NOT like this. Do not let people fool you to think that this is "normal" within a Christian household. I fellowship with many poly. families and I know of only ONE family that shares a bed because of circumstance...Most families are NOT NOT NOT like this..I can assure you and I would throw money on it!

    I usually never respond to blogs!!! But my sister in Christ, this is too big not to comment!

    In Love

  9. The marriage bed is undefiled when a man shares his bed with his wives only. Any serious Theology expert will tell you it was normal in those days for everyone to sleep together and share tents...

  10. Regarding BLOL's post: The sharing of sleeping quarters back in Biblical times had more to do with limited resources and lifestyle rather than a Divine sanctioned sleep over/orgy.

    People who lived in tents were nomadic -thus the need for movable dwellings. Nomadic lifestyles tended to dictate that material possessions consist of the bare essentials because of the constant picking up stakes and moving on to greener pastures - thus the bare minimum of tents for the family. There also was the issue of staying warm in cooler climates - more bodies more warmth. And yes, due to the nature of the living arrangements a man would couple with one of his wives in the midst of the others - But it was driven strictly by the lifestyle - not for sexual stimulation and gratification.

    I would imagine that when a man and one of his wives had intercourse they would be discreet and the other wives would not watch. I also doubt that a couple of the wives would lie in wait waiting to tag team it with the other wives. I'm sure it was a solitary act and not a sexual smorgasboard for the husband.

    Theology experts will tell you it was normal in Biblical days to stone a child if it was disrespectful to it's parents. I doubt BLOL would find that a good enough reason to justify such a horrible act today.

  11. You've made some good points ALM.

  12. wow.. read your post.. i would really be watchful.. about this situation megan, like other commentators have said.. its not wholesome/or healthy for a marriage to be that close.. you know in marriage everyone has to have boundaries, even more so in a plural setting, really i am talking from an experienced point of view like some of the other ladies here...

  13. To the people that have said this is UN-biblical I would say - prove it.
    What we as Christians have been taught is FAR from what was OT law or NT teachings.
    And to ALM - maybe the reason our society is in the shape it is today is because we didn't do what God commanded us to and thought we knew better. ( in the case of stoning a child)
    Children these days have no fear of their parents and rule the roost.

  14. I'm surprised by some of the responses to your latest post, Megan. It almost sounds like they're making arguments for monogamy. Some of your critics are patently reading their own personal preferences into the Bible.

    Freedom as established in the Genesis story of the first couple is defined by what is prohibited. Adam and Eve could eat of any tree except one. From the remaining trees they could eat freely without sin. In a similar manner God has given the wife’s body to the husband and the husband’s body to the wife for their mutual enjoyment and satisfaction. The same principle applies in a plural marriage. The only ethical restriction given in God’s Law for sex between husband and wife has to do with the calendar. They are to abstain from intimacy during the wife’s menses (Lev 15:24; 18:19). Otherwise, the spouses may choose to express their love physically in any manner, any frequency, and at any time that gives them pleasure. There is no command prohibiting a husband from sleeping with all his wives or having sex with them in the same bed at the same time. The key issue is whether you recognize polygamy as marriage. If a man has more than one wife, then he and they have the freedom to determine how they will sleep and have sex together.

    If we consider the matter theologically, then biblical polygamy mirrors the Godhead. In mathematical terms God is not 1+1+1=3, but 1x1x1=1. God is one in substance. In my view, sleeping together symbolizes the unity and oneness that should exist between a man and his wives. From a relational point of view, it seems to me that the success of a polygamous marriage requires that the women be close to each other. I don’t think they can have a segmented existence, each being a sort of half-time wife and a single mother the rest of the time when she isn’t with her husband. I don’t think polygamous marriage should function like a condo time-share arrangement. To be truly one requires that the lives of the spouses be intertwined, like the allusion in Ecclesiastes 4:12, “A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” A plural marriage is “1” so share your lives as “1”, not as separate ships that pass in the night.

  15. ALM,

    Since I grew up in a household with a parent who holds a Doctorate in Theology, teaches at Lutheran Seminary, is a Lutheran Pastor and Volunteer Police Chaplain...I hardly think I need you to tell me that stoning a child is something that occurred during Biblical times, but thanks for thinking I'm ignorant of that fact. Obviously, I would never condone such an action...

    But as long you have brought up stoning... There are some readers here who would be well served to put down their own stones.

  16. I have to agree with "Big Love over Logic" about the stones being thrown at Megan and her family.

    That being said ALM has misrepresented the Torah. There is no law that requires stoning a child for being disrespectful. ALM must have Exodus 21:17 in mind, which prescribes the penalty for the specific crime of cursing parents. It's always wise to read a Bible verse first, as well as its context, before offering interpretations.

  17. I think ALM's point is getting lost now in this debate about stoning! It probably wasn't the best analogy I agree, but her point was still valid I think… that just because it was 'normal' (or accepted) for God's people in certain periods to 'sleep together and share tents', does not automatically imply that polygamous group sex was condoned by God.

    Other people have made good points too though. I'm still not sure what I think of this. Perhaps it's something that is best left to each person's conscience?

  18. Megan, ignore the nit wits. You do what is really right for you and your family. I don't see anywhere in the Bible it says you can't cuddle with your husband while another wife is around. Anyone who says he is SURE about what happens in nomadic tents thousands of years ago is either EXTREMELY old or just guessing. Please your husband and love your family. If others don't like it, let them go fly a kite. Prayers are with you.

  19. Hi Megan!

    I've been reading your blog for the past couple of days and I must say that it's a very interesting read. The idea of polygamy really intrigues me and I've learned a lot so far. You seem very mature for your age and I guess that's a must in your situation.

    Not to sound rude or degrading, but everyone is forgetting that before their church came about it was an orgy based commune. Right? So their roots are intertwined with that ideology. It's kind of hard to go from something that liberal to an extreme conservative form of living which is what all these readers are expecting.

    I expected this to come about in her relationship since I've been reading. It's ingrained in their history I guess.

    Regardless, I feel like when God intended polygyny, whether in the Islam or Christianity, the intent was for using the marital bed as a special place for man and wife only. Not man, wife and wife.

    This is just my opinion of course! Live and let live!

    BTW I'm trying to get pregnant too and it's a struggle when you want it so much but it doesn't happen as quickly as you'd like.

    Good luck in everything sweetie!

  20. All I have to add is, "Tolerance, live and let live."