I wrote some of this on another blog and I guess I should write it here too.
I did most of my growing up in a smaller city near Los Angeles and me and my mom moved up to northern California after my dad went to prison the second time. I had an older brother but he got into drugs like my dad and died when I was 14. I don't talk about him much just because we were never close and I just don't want to talk about it is all. But I use to have a brother.
My dad was a truck driver once and he started using meth so he could work longer hours and then it became all about the drugs. He got caught and went to prison for three years and then was out on parole and that was the worst time of my life.
When someone goes to prison they lose their rights but what most of you don't ever know is the person's whole family loses their rights too. Life was hell with him on parole because we had the parole officers, local cops, and social workers in the house all the time and anytime they wanted. It didn't matter if he wasn't home they would just bust in and search everything including my stuff and just toss it all over the place. When he skipped parole and ran away it got worse because then the parole people were busting in the door all the time looking for him. It would be 3am or 4am when they would come and they would handcuff me and my mom and they would search for him and search our stuff. I had a cell phone and a computer but they took them and then said I never had any so I never got them back. That's why I didn't care about having a computer until I got one last Christmas.
The LA County social workers were the worst part. They act like fucking gods and always threatened to put me in foster care and one of them tried to get me to sleep with him. I told at my school and it stopped but no one believed me because it was the wonderful social worker against the daughter of a fugitive. And school was bad because the social workers would pull me out of class all the time to 'counsel' me and it was just to mess with my mind and mess me up at school. I mean they would come to the school just to embarrass me in front of everyone. The school found out my dad was a meth head so that meant I was too. As if the social workers were not bad enough the school security people were ALWAYS stopping me and searching my stuff. It got so bad I just cut school as often as I could and then with enough bad grades I got into independent study so I didn't have to deal with school anymore. I read a story in the paper not so long ago that more than half of the social workers in the county had felonies on their criminal record! Some were even registered sex offenders and they were working with little kids! I am not surprised because they act like criminals all the time anyway.
If you have not guessed I HATE social workers anymore. I can forgive a lot of things and a lot of people but social workers who think they are all that and who have this authority that no one ever questions are just cockroaches to me. I'm not supposed to be happy about it when bad things happen to bad people but when bad social workers get justice I smile about it.
I can understand the parole officers and the cops a little because they have to assume a criminals family would be helping him but the social workers are suppose to HELP you and they ALWAYS want to ruin everything! I stopped having friends because they wanted to know who my friends were and then they would go see my friends and their parents and ask them if I was doing drugs or anything and then after that my friends would not see me anymore because they thought I was as bad as my dad.
When my father went back to prison things got better and my mom moved us to northern California to get away from the LA County social workers. In Sacramento we got visited one time and the social worker said everything looked fine so she never bothered us again. With my dad back in prison we didn't have parole people around anymore either. When I found out he got denied parole until 2026 I was SOOOOOOOO happy about it! I don't EVER want his problems in my life again and I would scream if parole officers came here to look for him.
My mom and me are getting along better since I moved out but we didn't talk a lot for a lot of years. When she divorced my dad and left LA was when I was the proudest of her. It was hard for her to do all that but she did it to leave all the problems behind and start over and both of us are starting over.
My new life is not perfect I know but for me this is still paradise compared to what I am use to. No one yells here. No one steals my money to buy drugs. No one steals my stuff to sell for drugs. There are no cops here at 3am. No social workers. None of the people I know here punish me because my father is an asshole who loves his drugs more than anything else.
In this house I can put a $100 dollar bill on my place in the closet and no one will touch it. No one will even ask me about it and that means no one was in my stuff. I know because I tried that when I moved here and it was one of the little things that told me this was a good place to be. If the $100 disappeared then I was going to disappear too. It is still there.
I don't think I will be answering any questions about any of this. I want it behind me is all but I guess I needed to say all of this just to get it out there.
Friday, May 15, 2009
May 15, 2009
Wow. Lot of stuff again.
I guess to explain it isn't like it's some creepy orgy thing with us. I think I should say that I kind of like it too. It's nice to be all cuddled up all night and it feels really secure. It is really new to me but it doesn't feel like it's perverted or creepy. I guess a lot of that is because I am with people I really, really, REALLY love. Christie kissing me is okay with me because it isn't like she's all giving me the tongue! LOL!! No, but she does kiss me on the lips and that is intimate in a nice way. Bisexuality is absolutely forbidden so that won't be happening today or ever with me or Shari or Christie. Sharing the bed is normal with some people in the church and with others they do separate beds and even here most of the time they don't share the bed. Like even this past week it was mostly just one of us at night with Steve. When everyone is home again it will be back to normal because there is so much to do around here when everyone is home things don't happen unless two of us are free to get things going everyday.
Donald was right that this was a surprise to me but then it wasn't in a way. I guess I picked up on everyone being really comfortable with each other so when this came up I was like, "Okay, yeah, that explains it." I was really close and comfy with Christie before this but now I feel like there is nothing I can't share with her anymore so I can see how this can be a very good thing. I also get how it can be VERY bad if it gets creepy with some people. I don't know how to say this but I know it seems perverted to some but when you are there it is really kind of beautiful. I know that sounds so hypocritical from me because just hearing Christie and Steve making love in the next room freaked me out a few weeks ago and now I'm in bed with them and saying it seems just fine.
Big Love Over Logic said Happy 2nd Month Anniversary! Thank you! (-:
Thanks for saying that what happened is normal because it feels normal to me. In a way, it feels better to me to know what is happening and how my sisterwives are with Steve than to just hear something late at night and wonder about it. It does not seem to bother me anymore now. I don't know if I will say anything to Steve about being different with me because everything is different all the time and I guess I want to know what else can be different and still be okay of course. I guess I don't want to not try something I might like.
3rd asked if the church approved and I guess they do. Steve said I can talk to Pastor Jeff about it if I want. I don't know about that but I might ask a little with one of my friends who is my age and in a marriage in the church when we do the church meeting in June. I don't want to run away but I can understand how this might scare someone else and if I had known this before it would have scared me too. I guess it is like a hot bath with being in a poly marriage because you dip your toes in and pull back, then you put your foot in, and then you just kind of slowly put yourself all the way in but not all at once. And then when you do get all the way into the bath it feels good but if you had gone in all at once it would have hurt. That's the way I am looking at this.
ALM I guess to continue what I said above here is that I don't see Steve and Shari and Christie being dishonest with me about not telling me somethings but I accept what Steve said to me last week that they just wanted to tell me things when I was ready for them. I don't know what to think about Marcus. He sends me emails too and 99% of them are really good with really good advice and he even gave me good advice for pancakes!!! I was making really BAD pancakes and then he told me to get Snoqualimie Falls pancake mix at Winco and to use a lower heat and now everyone likes my pancakes! He knows I will ignore somethings but sometimes I just wait for the words to use to say something back in a nice way.
Christian Fundy Mom and church musician I know the Bible says a lot of things but you can always find lots of things about poly and poly families being together. I learned some history and until the last 100 years it was normal for families to all sleep in the same bed sometimes and the kids would be there when mom and dad were doing things sometimes. Used to be 100% normal and still is normal in some places. America just has a lot of history with the pilgrims and being Puritanical and not all of that was good. Sex is a gift from God and it can be wonderful and loving and it can be dirty but that is up to us. A married couple who go to church every week can be dirty with each other at home and it can be perverted and wrong and just because it is only two people does not make it normal or decent. So three people can be together and it can be wonderful and not perverted. Just the four of us being a family is wrong by most Christians so I don't expect to be thought of as normal because we are different in other ways too. But if w3e are not normal why do I feel so normal? I don't feel dirty or anything and I really feel closer to my husband and my sisterwives than before. I'm more comforatable with Christie and things that I was shy about I'm not so bothered about now. It really is kind of nice to have that.
Okay, this took me three hours to write and I want lunch. Have a nice weekend everyone!
I guess to explain it isn't like it's some creepy orgy thing with us. I think I should say that I kind of like it too. It's nice to be all cuddled up all night and it feels really secure. It is really new to me but it doesn't feel like it's perverted or creepy. I guess a lot of that is because I am with people I really, really, REALLY love. Christie kissing me is okay with me because it isn't like she's all giving me the tongue! LOL!! No, but she does kiss me on the lips and that is intimate in a nice way. Bisexuality is absolutely forbidden so that won't be happening today or ever with me or Shari or Christie. Sharing the bed is normal with some people in the church and with others they do separate beds and even here most of the time they don't share the bed. Like even this past week it was mostly just one of us at night with Steve. When everyone is home again it will be back to normal because there is so much to do around here when everyone is home things don't happen unless two of us are free to get things going everyday.
Donald was right that this was a surprise to me but then it wasn't in a way. I guess I picked up on everyone being really comfortable with each other so when this came up I was like, "Okay, yeah, that explains it." I was really close and comfy with Christie before this but now I feel like there is nothing I can't share with her anymore so I can see how this can be a very good thing. I also get how it can be VERY bad if it gets creepy with some people. I don't know how to say this but I know it seems perverted to some but when you are there it is really kind of beautiful. I know that sounds so hypocritical from me because just hearing Christie and Steve making love in the next room freaked me out a few weeks ago and now I'm in bed with them and saying it seems just fine.
Big Love Over Logic said Happy 2nd Month Anniversary! Thank you! (-:
Thanks for saying that what happened is normal because it feels normal to me. In a way, it feels better to me to know what is happening and how my sisterwives are with Steve than to just hear something late at night and wonder about it. It does not seem to bother me anymore now. I don't know if I will say anything to Steve about being different with me because everything is different all the time and I guess I want to know what else can be different and still be okay of course. I guess I don't want to not try something I might like.
3rd asked if the church approved and I guess they do. Steve said I can talk to Pastor Jeff about it if I want. I don't know about that but I might ask a little with one of my friends who is my age and in a marriage in the church when we do the church meeting in June. I don't want to run away but I can understand how this might scare someone else and if I had known this before it would have scared me too. I guess it is like a hot bath with being in a poly marriage because you dip your toes in and pull back, then you put your foot in, and then you just kind of slowly put yourself all the way in but not all at once. And then when you do get all the way into the bath it feels good but if you had gone in all at once it would have hurt. That's the way I am looking at this.
ALM I guess to continue what I said above here is that I don't see Steve and Shari and Christie being dishonest with me about not telling me somethings but I accept what Steve said to me last week that they just wanted to tell me things when I was ready for them. I don't know what to think about Marcus. He sends me emails too and 99% of them are really good with really good advice and he even gave me good advice for pancakes!!! I was making really BAD pancakes and then he told me to get Snoqualimie Falls pancake mix at Winco and to use a lower heat and now everyone likes my pancakes! He knows I will ignore somethings but sometimes I just wait for the words to use to say something back in a nice way.
Christian Fundy Mom and church musician I know the Bible says a lot of things but you can always find lots of things about poly and poly families being together. I learned some history and until the last 100 years it was normal for families to all sleep in the same bed sometimes and the kids would be there when mom and dad were doing things sometimes. Used to be 100% normal and still is normal in some places. America just has a lot of history with the pilgrims and being Puritanical and not all of that was good. Sex is a gift from God and it can be wonderful and loving and it can be dirty but that is up to us. A married couple who go to church every week can be dirty with each other at home and it can be perverted and wrong and just because it is only two people does not make it normal or decent. So three people can be together and it can be wonderful and not perverted. Just the four of us being a family is wrong by most Christians so I don't expect to be thought of as normal because we are different in other ways too. But if w3e are not normal why do I feel so normal? I don't feel dirty or anything and I really feel closer to my husband and my sisterwives than before. I'm more comforatable with Christie and things that I was shy about I'm not so bothered about now. It really is kind of nice to have that.
Okay, this took me three hours to write and I want lunch. Have a nice weekend everyone!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
May 14, 2009
It's been a very interesting week. It's been very quiet around the house with Shari and the girls up in Oregon. With four less people here it's been really easy to get the meals and the chores all done so I've had a lot of time to myself and then I've had a lot of time with Steve and Christie too. But after so long with so much happening here all the time the house seems so empty and not so small like it used to.
The construction for the addition is waiting on a building inspector to approve the electrical work and then they can do the walls. Steve says it is still going to be done in a few weeks.
Okay, so Christie and I were sleeping together after Nanna moved here and we got a lot closer than we used to be and that is a good thing. Christie kisses the girls all the time like Steve and Shari do and last week she came to bed with me and kissed me good night. On the lips. I was really surprised but then was okay because they do that a lot anyway and it was nice.
Okay.
So Shari went up to Oregon with the girls and Steve was here all week until he left today to go up for the funeral. He had a lot of work that could not be left behind so he had to stay. Well, Christie and I had been sleeping together and she invited me to sleep with her and Steve. She ended up telling me that she and Shari and Steve sleep together sometimes and they even get busy together. Christie said she didn't at first when she came here but after she had Eric they started all sleeping together with the baby in the room so it wasn't so much work for Christie and then one thing led to another and she said one night Steve was cuddled up to her and they got going with Shari sleeping in the bed.
I had to think about it and then went ahead and tried it. Steve was a very happy man! It was different for me because Steve is different with Christie than he normally is with me and so when we were all together he was with me more like how he is with Christie. Some of it I liked and some of it is just okay.
So I found out again that some things here are different than I thought. I didn't know they slept together and did things and I don't think I would be here if I had know that when I started but now it seems okay. Two months into this and everything is different for me. I guess I was naive in how I saw things because now I think about it and some of the things that surprised me were right in front of me all along and I just didn't know what I was seeing.
Tonight it is just me and Christie and the babies so we are renting some movies and ordering a pizza for dinner. We have to drive in to pick it up and Christie is promising me we can get a chocolate dessert at the bakery. Mmmmmm!!!
Email time. I might be on to update this later tonight. I'm not sure.
The construction for the addition is waiting on a building inspector to approve the electrical work and then they can do the walls. Steve says it is still going to be done in a few weeks.
Okay, so Christie and I were sleeping together after Nanna moved here and we got a lot closer than we used to be and that is a good thing. Christie kisses the girls all the time like Steve and Shari do and last week she came to bed with me and kissed me good night. On the lips. I was really surprised but then was okay because they do that a lot anyway and it was nice.
Okay.
So Shari went up to Oregon with the girls and Steve was here all week until he left today to go up for the funeral. He had a lot of work that could not be left behind so he had to stay. Well, Christie and I had been sleeping together and she invited me to sleep with her and Steve. She ended up telling me that she and Shari and Steve sleep together sometimes and they even get busy together. Christie said she didn't at first when she came here but after she had Eric they started all sleeping together with the baby in the room so it wasn't so much work for Christie and then one thing led to another and she said one night Steve was cuddled up to her and they got going with Shari sleeping in the bed.
I had to think about it and then went ahead and tried it. Steve was a very happy man! It was different for me because Steve is different with Christie than he normally is with me and so when we were all together he was with me more like how he is with Christie. Some of it I liked and some of it is just okay.
So I found out again that some things here are different than I thought. I didn't know they slept together and did things and I don't think I would be here if I had know that when I started but now it seems okay. Two months into this and everything is different for me. I guess I was naive in how I saw things because now I think about it and some of the things that surprised me were right in front of me all along and I just didn't know what I was seeing.
Tonight it is just me and Christie and the babies so we are renting some movies and ordering a pizza for dinner. We have to drive in to pick it up and Christie is promising me we can get a chocolate dessert at the bakery. Mmmmmm!!!
Email time. I might be on to update this later tonight. I'm not sure.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Very quiet this morning
First I want to say Thank You to everyone for the nice comments! Shari read them last night and was amazed that so many people we don't even know cared about us. Thank you!
Shari left early this morning to go up to Oregon for the week with the girls. They left around 7am and expect to be there around 2 or 3pm. Steve is out discing the fence line for fire prevention and Christie is out on the patio with the babies. Steve has work to do here in town and will go up to Oregon on Thursday for the funeral. They expect about 200 people for the funeral and there will be people coming from all over the world for this.
Steve is not being the smiley person he usually is and when he and I took a nap together yesterday he mostly just wanted to hold me. I'm used to him being like this soldier kind of man and it is different to see him this way. He knew Nanna all his life and losing her is like losing a mom for him. His own parents died in 1999 and 2000 and Nanna was kind of the last parent he had.
The nights have been cool and with the construction on the house and me not wanting to go back to my old room I've been sleeping with Christie this week and the two of us are trading off with taking care of the babies at night. It's kind of nice to have so much time with the babies but I wish it wasn't because of what happened. I like sleeping with Christie and that is a surprise to me. She is very cuddly and it she says I am warm so she wants to be close. She didn't know Nanna so much and some of the talk about Nanna has been news to her too. We talk a lot at night and I guess this week we are becoming very close and I like that.
It's a really nice morning here today. It's a cool breeze and I can smell Christie's coffee in the house and I had some today too. It was really good with fresh cream in it. One thing I have loved here is fresh cream and butter all the time. I can't explain how much nicer it is than store bought. The butter is almost white and the churn makes it fluffy. Sometimes I just eat a little on its own it's so good!
I want to have some chickens and Steve promised me a chicken coop before the end of the month. I guess I want to have something to do to contribute to the farming and with my chores and all chickens would be a good thing to do. I don't know about killing them and I might let Steve do that when the time comes.
I'm going outside now. I'm wearing shorts and a t shirt today. Christie is doing the same thing and Steve doesn't mind because the girls are not here. I like the dresses but it is nice to be sort of my old self again too.
Shari left early this morning to go up to Oregon for the week with the girls. They left around 7am and expect to be there around 2 or 3pm. Steve is out discing the fence line for fire prevention and Christie is out on the patio with the babies. Steve has work to do here in town and will go up to Oregon on Thursday for the funeral. They expect about 200 people for the funeral and there will be people coming from all over the world for this.
Steve is not being the smiley person he usually is and when he and I took a nap together yesterday he mostly just wanted to hold me. I'm used to him being like this soldier kind of man and it is different to see him this way. He knew Nanna all his life and losing her is like losing a mom for him. His own parents died in 1999 and 2000 and Nanna was kind of the last parent he had.
The nights have been cool and with the construction on the house and me not wanting to go back to my old room I've been sleeping with Christie this week and the two of us are trading off with taking care of the babies at night. It's kind of nice to have so much time with the babies but I wish it wasn't because of what happened. I like sleeping with Christie and that is a surprise to me. She is very cuddly and it she says I am warm so she wants to be close. She didn't know Nanna so much and some of the talk about Nanna has been news to her too. We talk a lot at night and I guess this week we are becoming very close and I like that.
It's a really nice morning here today. It's a cool breeze and I can smell Christie's coffee in the house and I had some today too. It was really good with fresh cream in it. One thing I have loved here is fresh cream and butter all the time. I can't explain how much nicer it is than store bought. The butter is almost white and the churn makes it fluffy. Sometimes I just eat a little on its own it's so good!
I want to have some chickens and Steve promised me a chicken coop before the end of the month. I guess I want to have something to do to contribute to the farming and with my chores and all chickens would be a good thing to do. I don't know about killing them and I might let Steve do that when the time comes.
I'm going outside now. I'm wearing shorts and a t shirt today. Christie is doing the same thing and Steve doesn't mind because the girls are not here. I like the dresses but it is nice to be sort of my old self again too.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Patricia Luther 1936-2009
Shari's mom passed away on Tuesday night. She never woke up after the stroke.
Her name was Patricia Lucille Luther and she was born in North Platte, Nebraska on July 16, 1936. She was loved by a lot of people and she will be buried at the Oregon farm where Shari was born. Patty was a beatnick in the 1950s and she joined the commune in Oregon in 1959 and had five children including Shari. When the commune ended she was one of the women who stayed and married a man who was taking care of three other women who had kids at the commune. She had a lot to do with the commune becoming a Christian church. I never really got to meet her or know her but with all the people who are here right now I can tell she was loved. Her funeral will be in Oregon next Saturday (the 16th).
Her name was Patricia Lucille Luther and she was born in North Platte, Nebraska on July 16, 1936. She was loved by a lot of people and she will be buried at the Oregon farm where Shari was born. Patty was a beatnick in the 1950s and she joined the commune in Oregon in 1959 and had five children including Shari. When the commune ended she was one of the women who stayed and married a man who was taking care of three other women who had kids at the commune. She had a lot to do with the commune becoming a Christian church. I never really got to meet her or know her but with all the people who are here right now I can tell she was loved. Her funeral will be in Oregon next Saturday (the 16th).
Monday, May 4, 2009
Not good.
Shari's mom is not expected to make it for much longer. The doctor said her brain activity isn't going on anymore so it is a matter of time now. Shari was home last night for a little while and it broke my heart to see her like that. She is so strong all the time and now she is just like she is so lost. Please pray for Patty and pray for Shari too.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Patty
The update for Shari's mom is that she went to the hospital when she was having a hard time breathing. She had a blood clot that went into her heart and caused a heart attack and they put her on drugs to break up the clot and then late last night the clot broke up and part of it went into her lung and a part went into her brain. She had a stroke and lost function in her lung and Christie told me that the doctors say she may be okay but it will be a while before they know anything.
For now Steve and Shari are at the hospital 24/7 with some small breaks and Christie is here with me to take care of the girls and the babies and the ranch. The whole house feels so much different right now with this going on. I'll post an update when there is something to say.
There were some questions:
Just curious but in what website did you find Steve, Shari and Christie?
I was posting on a few sites after Christmas and Christie saw me on one site and then contacted me when I posted on a local Yahoo groups poly site that I was curious about this. She invited me to the house to see things for myself and now here I am.
do the poly families ever let anyone join who isn't religious? just curious.
Yes. Christie joined and she wasn't religious at all. But she is trying and she says she now has faith because she has seen God acting in her life since she came here. I believed in God when I came here but was not really into the Bible or any of that and now I am learning too.
Tomorrow Christie and I are taking the girls to the church meeting and the big deal is that we have a Hispanic couple who are ex-catholics joining us. Pastor Jeff has been meeting with them for a long time and the leadership voted to let them join in April. I don't know anymore about them but Steve says they are a nice couple with two boys and a little girl and that he knows them from his work. This will make our group five poly families and eight couple families.
If you pray I would like to ask you to pray for Shari's mom. Her name is Patty and she is 72.
Thank you.
For now Steve and Shari are at the hospital 24/7 with some small breaks and Christie is here with me to take care of the girls and the babies and the ranch. The whole house feels so much different right now with this going on. I'll post an update when there is something to say.
There were some questions:
Just curious but in what website did you find Steve, Shari and Christie?
I was posting on a few sites after Christmas and Christie saw me on one site and then contacted me when I posted on a local Yahoo groups poly site that I was curious about this. She invited me to the house to see things for myself and now here I am.
do the poly families ever let anyone join who isn't religious? just curious.
Yes. Christie joined and she wasn't religious at all. But she is trying and she says she now has faith because she has seen God acting in her life since she came here. I believed in God when I came here but was not really into the Bible or any of that and now I am learning too.
Tomorrow Christie and I are taking the girls to the church meeting and the big deal is that we have a Hispanic couple who are ex-catholics joining us. Pastor Jeff has been meeting with them for a long time and the leadership voted to let them join in April. I don't know anymore about them but Steve says they are a nice couple with two boys and a little girl and that he knows them from his work. This will make our group five poly families and eight couple families.
If you pray I would like to ask you to pray for Shari's mom. Her name is Patty and she is 72.
Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)