Dan's questions answered

My apologies to Dan whose questions I missed! Dan is a man who is looking to start a poly family and is still looking for a poly-accepting woman as his first wife.

Saw your blog comment for questions :)

So here's a new one for you. If i were courting or just married to my first wife, and you had a chance to talk to her as someone who's been poly for a while now, what advice would you give her as her friend? What would be important points youd think she should know from a female perspective?

 

A: To be honest my first experience with someone who was a first wife and then had her family become poly was Shari. Shari was Steve's first wife and they were married for seventeen years and had three girls when Christie joined their family as the second wife. Then I joined as the third followed by Macy. That was too much for Shari and she ended up divorcing Steve and moving away.

 

So my first advice here isn't to your future wife it's to YOU. Be sure that your future wife is really okay with poly and I would say it would be best to find someone who was raised in poly to be your first wife. It would be so much easier for her to accept poly if she were already raised in it...and Shari was already raised in it and it was hard for her to handle! It was an adjustment to have Christie join the family and then me and Macy really made for a shock. And then my advice to her is to know that she won't be the only person in your life but that it can work out if that's what she wants, too. Christie is the new first wife in the house and she LOVES our life and says so all the time and that makes things a lot easier for all of us. We still fight over stuff like anyone else would but we love each other and love how we live and that's what is most important.

 

There are lots of details I could write here but this is the most important thing if you ask me. Your first wife has to really want to have a second wife in the house right from the start.

 

- Megan