Dan's questions answered

My apologies to Dan whose questions I missed! Dan is a man who is looking to start a poly family and is still looking for a poly-accepting woman as his first wife.

Saw your blog comment for questions :)

So here's a new one for you. If i were courting or just married to my first wife, and you had a chance to talk to her as someone who's been poly for a while now, what advice would you give her as her friend? What would be important points youd think she should know from a female perspective?

 

A: To be honest my first experience with someone who was a first wife and then had her family become poly was Shari. Shari was Steve's first wife and they were married for seventeen years and had three girls when Christie joined their family as the second wife. Then I joined as the third followed by Macy. That was too much for Shari and she ended up divorcing Steve and moving away.

 

So my first advice here isn't to your future wife it's to YOU. Be sure that your future wife is really okay with poly and I would say it would be best to find someone who was raised in poly to be your first wife. It would be so much easier for her to accept poly if she were already raised in it...and Shari was already raised in it and it was hard for her to handle! It was an adjustment to have Christie join the family and then me and Macy really made for a shock. And then my advice to her is to know that she won't be the only person in your life but that it can work out if that's what she wants, too. Christie is the new first wife in the house and she LOVES our life and says so all the time and that makes things a lot easier for all of us. We still fight over stuff like anyone else would but we love each other and love how we live and that's what is most important.

 

There are lots of details I could write here but this is the most important thing if you ask me. Your first wife has to really want to have a second wife in the house right from the start.

 

- Megan

December Answers

Merry Christmas to everyone if I don't get a chance to say it later!

I have some time and wanted to answer your questions...

From Darja:

1. Do you want your daughters to be poly? If so, how old do you want them to be before you let them marry?

A: I want my daughters to choose their own path and I'd like them to be 18 before they get married.

2. Are you going to have more babies?

A: Probably. I'm trying to take some time right now and would like to wait at least a year before there's another baby.

3. You used to be reluctant or fearful about pregnancies. Has that changed? Are you more welcoming of becoming pregnant now?

A: I'm not afraid of it for sure! And I will admit that there are times when I really miss the feeling of being pregnant. I guess yeah that I do end up welcoming being pregnant again. I hadn't thought this through until your question so thank you for that one!

4. Someone asked if you would be willing to be a surrogate mother and I'm curious, too.

A: I'd consider it for a loving Christian family. I think I'd have to know them because I can't imagine having a baby and then never being a part of his or her life after that.

5. Macy left your family. Will she be replaced with someone else?

A: That's just too soon to say. Maybe is the best answer I can give right now.

6. Can you post one or more of your favorite recipes?

A: I'll do this in a separate post real soon! Promise!

From Helene:

1st question: How do you logically explain the phenomenon of wives subordinating themselves to the concept of the male head of household, and then working outside the home to help “provide”?

A: Steve is the spiritual head of the family and we follow his lead on a lot of things. We depend on him for most things but we still like to have our own money for things we want. But not all the work we do is for money, I still make quilts for women's shelters and for fundraisers and I use some of the money I earn at working to pay for quilting supplies. I guess you can call that a hobby because quilting is relaxing to me and it's something I can do and hold a baby at the same time. Macy and Cydne never worked so it's not like we have to work we just choose to.

2nd question: Specifically, how do you justify, logically, economically, and morally, creating 6 children, and then spending your time in a resort to earn money, and spending money to hire a helper at home?

A: I think I answered some of that in my first answer. I work so I have my own money. We hire helpers sometimes because we just need the help around the house and sometimes the helpers are like myself and Cydne and they might be considering joining our family or another family and they just want to see what its like. We had a helper over the summer and she was awesome around the house and then in the fall she chose to go to college and that was fine. I guess I should say that when I am out of the house its nice to take a break from being a 24/7 mommy and then I get to enjoy a different responsibility. I mean I love my life but cooking is a kind of me-time and getting a chance to do it outside of the house is wonderful and I get paid for it, too!

From Marcus by email:

1. What happens to you and your kids if Steve dies? He's old enough that you guys should think about it.

A: We have a plan for it and the plan is us wives will stay together and run the ranch and keep living together. Maybe other things might happen but that is our plan for now.

2. Would you marry again if something happened to Steve?

A: I don't know. If I had to say so right now the answer would be no.

From Andrew by email:

You still keep in touch with your mother?

A: Yes. We don't talk a lot anymore but we email and there are cards in the mail and stuff.

You never mention any siblings, why not?

A: My brother died when I was fourteen and my parents didn't have any other kids. I miss my brother but we were never really close so I never really got to know him. He was into his own thing and the two of us never had a lot to do with each other so not a lot of things ever remind me of him if that makes sense.

Do you love your husband in a romantic way now?

A: I love him but is it all Romeo and Juliet? It never was. He knows I didn't exactly love him at first but love took time and when it came along it was something different from romantic love but it is still love just the same.

I hope that answers all your questions!

- Megan

Answers & Questions

Happy December!!

First off Christie is doing better after things got rough for a little bit. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!

My little Cathy is doing great and she's a very, very happy little girl!!! She's also developed red hair like her sister Laura!

I haven't posted much this year so I thought I would open this up to your questions and I promise you'll get an answer! Feel free to ask anything you want and that includes personal stuff. The only topic off limits are some questions about my children.

In the meantime I hope you all have a bee-yoo-tee-full Christmas!

Hugs!

Megan