Dan's questions answered

My apologies to Dan whose questions I missed! Dan is a man who is looking to start a poly family and is still looking for a poly-accepting woman as his first wife.

Saw your blog comment for questions :)

So here's a new one for you. If i were courting or just married to my first wife, and you had a chance to talk to her as someone who's been poly for a while now, what advice would you give her as her friend? What would be important points youd think she should know from a female perspective?

 

A: To be honest my first experience with someone who was a first wife and then had her family become poly was Shari. Shari was Steve's first wife and they were married for seventeen years and had three girls when Christie joined their family as the second wife. Then I joined as the third followed by Macy. That was too much for Shari and she ended up divorcing Steve and moving away.

 

So my first advice here isn't to your future wife it's to YOU. Be sure that your future wife is really okay with poly and I would say it would be best to find someone who was raised in poly to be your first wife. It would be so much easier for her to accept poly if she were already raised in it...and Shari was already raised in it and it was hard for her to handle! It was an adjustment to have Christie join the family and then me and Macy really made for a shock. And then my advice to her is to know that she won't be the only person in your life but that it can work out if that's what she wants, too. Christie is the new first wife in the house and she LOVES our life and says so all the time and that makes things a lot easier for all of us. We still fight over stuff like anyone else would but we love each other and love how we live and that's what is most important.

 

There are lots of details I could write here but this is the most important thing if you ask me. Your first wife has to really want to have a second wife in the house right from the start.

 

- Megan

December Answers

Merry Christmas to everyone if I don't get a chance to say it later!

I have some time and wanted to answer your questions...

From Darja:

1. Do you want your daughters to be poly? If so, how old do you want them to be before you let them marry?

A: I want my daughters to choose their own path and I'd like them to be 18 before they get married.

2. Are you going to have more babies?

A: Probably. I'm trying to take some time right now and would like to wait at least a year before there's another baby.

3. You used to be reluctant or fearful about pregnancies. Has that changed? Are you more welcoming of becoming pregnant now?

A: I'm not afraid of it for sure! And I will admit that there are times when I really miss the feeling of being pregnant. I guess yeah that I do end up welcoming being pregnant again. I hadn't thought this through until your question so thank you for that one!

4. Someone asked if you would be willing to be a surrogate mother and I'm curious, too.

A: I'd consider it for a loving Christian family. I think I'd have to know them because I can't imagine having a baby and then never being a part of his or her life after that.

5. Macy left your family. Will she be replaced with someone else?

A: That's just too soon to say. Maybe is the best answer I can give right now.

6. Can you post one or more of your favorite recipes?

A: I'll do this in a separate post real soon! Promise!

From Helene:

1st question: How do you logically explain the phenomenon of wives subordinating themselves to the concept of the male head of household, and then working outside the home to help “provide”?

A: Steve is the spiritual head of the family and we follow his lead on a lot of things. We depend on him for most things but we still like to have our own money for things we want. But not all the work we do is for money, I still make quilts for women's shelters and for fundraisers and I use some of the money I earn at working to pay for quilting supplies. I guess you can call that a hobby because quilting is relaxing to me and it's something I can do and hold a baby at the same time. Macy and Cydne never worked so it's not like we have to work we just choose to.

2nd question: Specifically, how do you justify, logically, economically, and morally, creating 6 children, and then spending your time in a resort to earn money, and spending money to hire a helper at home?

A: I think I answered some of that in my first answer. I work so I have my own money. We hire helpers sometimes because we just need the help around the house and sometimes the helpers are like myself and Cydne and they might be considering joining our family or another family and they just want to see what its like. We had a helper over the summer and she was awesome around the house and then in the fall she chose to go to college and that was fine. I guess I should say that when I am out of the house its nice to take a break from being a 24/7 mommy and then I get to enjoy a different responsibility. I mean I love my life but cooking is a kind of me-time and getting a chance to do it outside of the house is wonderful and I get paid for it, too!

From Marcus by email:

1. What happens to you and your kids if Steve dies? He's old enough that you guys should think about it.

A: We have a plan for it and the plan is us wives will stay together and run the ranch and keep living together. Maybe other things might happen but that is our plan for now.

2. Would you marry again if something happened to Steve?

A: I don't know. If I had to say so right now the answer would be no.

From Andrew by email:

You still keep in touch with your mother?

A: Yes. We don't talk a lot anymore but we email and there are cards in the mail and stuff.

You never mention any siblings, why not?

A: My brother died when I was fourteen and my parents didn't have any other kids. I miss my brother but we were never really close so I never really got to know him. He was into his own thing and the two of us never had a lot to do with each other so not a lot of things ever remind me of him if that makes sense.

Do you love your husband in a romantic way now?

A: I love him but is it all Romeo and Juliet? It never was. He knows I didn't exactly love him at first but love took time and when it came along it was something different from romantic love but it is still love just the same.

I hope that answers all your questions!

- Megan

Answers & Questions

Happy December!!

First off Christie is doing better after things got rough for a little bit. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!

My little Cathy is doing great and she's a very, very happy little girl!!! She's also developed red hair like her sister Laura!

I haven't posted much this year so I thought I would open this up to your questions and I promise you'll get an answer! Feel free to ask anything you want and that includes personal stuff. The only topic off limits are some questions about my children.

In the meantime I hope you all have a bee-yoo-tee-full Christmas!

Hugs!

Megan

November 14, 2015

I can't find the words to express my heartfelt grief for the people of Paris who lost so much last night. What saddens me even more is that the terrorists who did this probably came into France with the rest of the 'refugees' who really are not refugees at all. They're invaders who want to conquer the countries that offered them shelter.

I wish I knew what else to say but there is an anger in my heart and I just can't find any kind words to say about the situation right now.

Here at home there have been some serious challenges.

Christie is recovering from kidney failure. We don't know what happened with her and they are still testing her to see what happened. The best the doctors can come up with is they think she had a virus of some sort that did this. We had her at home earlier in the week but she went back to SLC when she started feeling worse and they did a dialysis on her again. Please pray for her recovery!

Macy is no longer married to Steve. She said she had lost interest in being married and wanted out of the marriage but she was going to stay on with the family. In the middle of everything going on with Christie's health Macy decided to just move away and she took her children with her. There will be a financial challenge when she gets her share of the family money. I am looking at working at one of the resorts near here for the winter season to help make up for some of the money.

Cydne and myself are doing fine (Praise God!) and we're holding things together. We're definitely needing another helper for a while and we are hoping to have someone soon.

There are other things but they are not anything I can write here. Pray for us is all I can ask.

God bless you and keep you all!

Megan

Welcome to Catherine Hope!

I'm so happy to tell you all that at 1:15am on September 2nd. a pretty little girl named Catherine Hope woke me up and came into our lives! She's got ten toes and ten fingers and cute little nose! She's also 7lbs 6oz and here it is just three days later and she's put on three more ounces!

Everyone is doing fine and we're all happy that the fall is almost here! This is 'family season' to us when we stay close and stay warm and we love it!

I hope you're all as happy as we are!

God bless you!

- Megan

Answers to Questions!

Happy June!

I gave it some extra time on the questions and will answer the ones from my blog plus a couple from email:

Helene wrote:

If you are interested in having a Facebook page, why not create one? There is nothing illegal about your living arrangement, and isn't it time to stop worrying about what others think? I know that you are waiting for polygamy to be legalized, but people may not even be using Facebook anymore by the time that happens. Just a thought.

The problem we have is that polygamy IS illegal even though it hasn't been prosecuted lately. We don't need to attract attention like the Brown family did and end up with legal problems. We also have children and we don't need scrutiny from social workers because they can just take our kids away from us and because we're poly we will have a very hard time getting them back.

I personally don't care if polygamous marriage is ever made legal. All I really want is for us to be left alone and for us not to risk losing our kids if we go public and announce that we love each other and live with each other.

Marcus wrote:

1. Any regrets?
2. Is six children enough?
3. Will there be any more wives in the house?
4. Any worries about brucellosis with the bison?
5. Are you happy?

1. Yes. I regret I didn't grow up in a more normal family and that my mother and father were more interested in their drugs than they were in me. I regret that my brother died when he did.

2. Six children is enough! But will there be more? Probably. I might have as many as ten or twelve children before I stop having kids. We're really doing good financially and it is not a burden on us. At this point I am doing pretty good with the pregnancies and as long as there are no more twins the pregnancies have been easy enough.

3. No. Four is enough.

4. We haven't had any problems with brucellosis (Praise God!) and we're careful to watch for any possible contact with elk or wild bison to prevent it from hitting our herd.

5. Compared to my life before marriage, yes I am. This isn't perfect, I know, but I have a loving family, we have food on the table, no bill collectors call us, no police bust in the door at 3am in the morning, and there are no drugs and no epic fights in the house. This is the happiest I've been in ten years!

Anonymous wrote:

In your much earlier blog posts you hinted about your first time with Steve not being completely consensual. Care to elaborate?

I will do my best to answer this. I think this also answers part of the next question that Robyn wrote.

To start off my first sexual experience was when my meth-head father raped me at age 16. That messed me up pretty bad and I know it will be with me in some way or another all the rest of my life. It has been easier since my father died but I still have issues.

When I was 17 my mother was wrapped up in drugs and I was wanting to love and be loved and I had a serious urge to have a baby and be a mom. When the FLDS raid in Texas happened I was taken with the idea of women who lived together with a man so they were not alone with him and that was something I wanted to look at. I looked at some groups online and when I eventually met my family things moved really fast. In less than two months of knowing the family I was married and even though it was my choice to put off the wedding night I chose to be traditional.

Steve gave me my privacy in the bedroom and I was undressed and waiting for him in bed. He came to bed and when things started to happen I was scared mostly because of my first experience and not Steve and he knew this. So he just took charge and got it over with so we could move past it. Six years later I think he did the right thing for me.

Robyn wrote:

Why did you choose this lifestyle and are you happy with the choice?
What are the high points (Other than your children) of living with your family and is there anything you regret with your decision?

Not being alone with a man was a very big reason for me to choose poly and I also liked it because I like having friends built into the relationship. I am happy with the choice and where a lot of people can't imagine living like this I can't imagine living in a house with just a husband and kids. Who do I get to talk to when he's at work? And I really never wanted to work as a career so being a mom is what I wanted and poly people are mostly traditional in a lot of ways so this let me be a mom and stay home all the time.

The other high points for me is that with other women in the house the chores get done easier. It's also easy to get time away from my kids because there is always someone who can watch them for me so I can take time for a break. I do the same for them too. We share on breast feeding too and that is a HUGE thing because with a newborn that means I can usually get solid sleep if someone else can watch the baby and feed the baby for me. And then I do the same for my sister wives.

Caring for and feeding the babies is a huge thing to me and it makes me feel very close to and very loving on my sister wives! How can you ever be mad at someone who gets up at 2am and breast feeds your baby so you can sleep? Or if it has to happen they can get up and bring the baby to me so I can feed him or her without getting out of bed.

I seriously think a lot of 'normal' women are missing such a wonderful thing when they don't have another woman in the house with them! You will never have closer friends and I say that because my old friends ended up leaving me when I came into this family. My friend Carmen hasn't returned a message in forever and she was my closest friend from before.

Regrets. I have a few but they're more like daydream things like "What if?" and not really regrets. The truth is that I did what was right for me at the time I did it. If I didn't do this I would have missed out on so much and one thing is I would have missed out on the homeschooling with the older girls. I basically did high school all over again with them and I learned SO MUCH! My writing improved, I learned math, I learned history, and so much more. Sometimes the blessings from this decision haven't been obvious and I only see them as I look back at who I was before.

Questions from Erica in email:

1. Are you still wearing prairie dresses?
2. Do you enjoy sex with your husband or is it something you have to do?
3. Would you want your daughters to be poly?
4. Does your church have "extra" boys like the FLDS?

1. I never said we wore prairie dresses. A farm dress is just a simple dress you can wear around a farm or ranch. This is a farm dress like something we would wear around here:

2. Yes, I enjoy sex! And it is sometimes something I have to do. If my husband comes to me and wants my attention then unless I am really not in the mood or sick or something then I will be there for him because he works hard to provide for my children and me.

3. I want my daughters to be happy. However they decide to do that is up to them.

4. No, we do not kick people out like can happen with the FLDS. Our church has actually taken in some FLDS boys and they have turned out to be really nice men.

A question from Dan from email:

I'd love to know more about the role of touch (in your family) and how touch is important to you.

We touch each other all the time. Sometimes it's just a touch on the back, someone caressing your hair, or maybe holding your hand when we're watching TV at night. But there is always a loving touch happening and it is sometimes hard to deal with people in the "real world" who are so uncomfortable with just a simple touch. You can tell no one ever touches them and that they never touch anyone else. Part of it is this sickness in the world where some sick people think everything is sexual harassment or sexual assault. If that is how you see the world then you should plan on being very, very lonely!

I grew up without a lot of touching and it was a big adjustment to get used to intimate but non-sexual touching in this family. The kids cuddle up with us and we cuddle up with each other and we comb hair for each other and all sorts of other little things that a lot of people don't do and that's just sad.

How people don't get depressed or go crazy living their lives without anyone ever touching them or being in fear of touching someone else because they might get offended is mind-boggling to me!

--------------------

I hope that answers everything!

- Megan

Questions & Answers

It's been a long time since I've taken any questions and I figured it is a good time. I'll probably let this sit here for a couple weeks so hopefully there are a few questions on it.

Ask anything you want and I'll do my best to answer you honestly and completely. Don't worry about going out of bounds because I won't get offended or anything. Promise!

- Megan

May 2, 2015

Hello!

A few things have happened and I have some time so it is time for an update.

Back in January Christie lost her baby and it was a pretty sad time in the house. She's doing much better now and is thinking about another baby maybe.

Both Cydne and Macy had little girls! We seriously need more boys in this house! But the girls are really cute and it's impossible to resist loving on them!

My pregnancy is doing fine and I am still due around the first part of September.

My little girls are five years old now! OMG I can't believe how fast the time went by! It's crazy that my little girls are starting first grade in the fall! Laura is still my little cuddle bug and Patty is the tom boy who loves the animals and being outside with the boys.

Steve has been home almost all year because the oil business is not doing much right now. We're okay and he's doing other things and he's just holding out for when oil prices go up again and things pick up.

We don't have anymore cattle anymore. We're running bison and a small flock of sheep who mostly help keep the grass down. I still have about 100 chickens and we get plenty of eggs and some of them get sold. But my egg business is mostly gone for now.

I'm still quilting. It's kind of relaxing to me anymore.

We're watching the gay marriage thing in the supreme court because it will probably legalize poly if it legalizes gay marriage. If we get legalized I am totally getting a Facebook page! It will be nice to post pictures with everyone in them and not be afraid of any trouble from it!

That is it for right now so I hope all of you are doing well!

- Megan