Thursday, February 19, 2009

Last night went really well. Debbie and Lori helped me get my things unpacked and put away and we were done in like just 20 minutes. My mom called and was a little upset that I had left like I did but said it didn't matter since I was leaving anyway. She will probably be mad at me for a while I can tell. Andy says she can come up to visit anytime she wants.

Last night we had dinner together and sat and talked a lot. Bedtime for everyone is 9pm and it was weird to go to bed so early but it made sense since we were up again at 5am and that included me too. Debbie came in and woke me and we got the breakfast on and the girls did the chores with the animals and Lori pretty much has to sit still with the baby on the way. Then there were a LOT of chores to do!!! Nothing piles up here. The dishes get done right after meals and then we do the laundry and then there's cooking to start for lunch and the list goes on. Debbie showed me her sewing and the dress I'm wearing she made for me. It's a navy blue dress with long sleeves and it goes down to about my ankles and looks really old fashioned. It's kind of nice too that someone made it for me. It does look funny the old school dress with my sneakers! The girls and Debbie and Lori wear boots outside and slippers inside because it is really muddy in some places and then Debbie says the first time I step in a big cow pie I'll want boots too.

We just finished up from lunch a little while ago so I have time to write for right now and maybe get to some email if I have any. I have Lori's little boy with me all day as my full-time job so she can work and right now he's taking his afternoon nap. Debbie is doing the homeschool with the girls so that leaves me free until we start dinner.

So last night I got to hear a little more about things and what I was told is that the family belongs to a Christian home church that started out of a commune from Oregon in the 1960's. It was a free love orgy thing where everyone was having sex and no one was taking responsibility for anything. Then when the commune thing died off there were a lot of single mothers and very few men willing to take care of them. Do the math. So the men took in the women they could handle and made committments to them. Then in the 1980's they had a Christian revival thing and part of the group moved to northern California to live a more traditional lifestyle. They have home churches and once a month there are five families including ours that get together for a church service at someones house. They rotate it among the five families to draw less attention from neighbors. Debbie went over some of the beliefs and they're pretty normal Christian things except they are more traditional on men and women. The men can have more than one wife but they have to be able to support all of them and the children and this rule goes back to the commune thing. The men don't have mustaches or beards and the women wear dresses and are discouraged from having short hair. They do drink wine but hard liquor and beer are not allowed. Everyone is encouraged to do some sort of farming or ranching and we have two acres in veggies and then there's cattle on the property that we will be selling or trading with the other families when the time comes. Andy and Debbie were two of the children from this commune and their families moved to California to do their thing but in a more Christian way and a lot more traditional than the commune people who stayed in Oregon. I asked if they had an arranged marriage and they said no they were just the two oldest kids in the church group and they had always liked each other and then they dated for a few years and then they got married.

It is really different from what I'm used to.

It's also weird that there was this whole other world going on all around me and I never knew it. When I was checking out the poly thing I discovered pagan poly people, poly people who were into weird sex things, poly people who were just on their own, and then a lot of people just calling what they did poly when it was just sleeping around.

I did get told that we don't say poly or polygamy in the house. We're just a family is what Andy says. I kind of like that because it feels more normal. When you say you're poly it makes it like it's different or wrong. I know I'm not even here for a full day yet but this is so much nicer than how I had been living. I'm not on the smelly bus with stinky people going to school every day, I don't have to have a job with a boss telling me what to do all the time, and I can go back if I want but so far this is like being on vacation. And I love my mom but she's always so stressed and bitchy about my dad that it's nice to be away from that. At the apartment there was no peace. People always had loud music going, people were yelling, there was always the sound of cars on the I5, it was never quiet. Here you just go outside and it is so quiet and peaceful. It's even quiet in the house. I had a quiet moment when I was in Aruba last year when I got out early on the beach and this is even better. It's funny that you never value quiet until you get to experience it.

Debbie and I had a nice talk when we were getting lunch together and she told me it was really a surprise to her that I was interested in this. I ended up telling her my whole horror story and how this just seems like something wonderful. She asked me to be sure I was running to something and not running away from something and that I was doing this for the right reasons. She was a little cautious when Lori invited me to visit and said she was not very happy when the subject of a visitor was brought up. But then she said she met me and saw that I liked everything and wasn't being judgmental about it and seeing past the two wives thing to see that they have something special here. I asked her about Andy and how he felt about me and she said he was really excited when I said yes to their invitation but that he's just playing things low key with me so I can just have time to fit in before anything else happens. Which is really nice.

With my age being pretty close to the girls I'm getting along with them really well but I have noticed they don't know much about the world like what music is popular, movie stars, and all that. Andy and Debbie have been pretty careful to not allow them to have TV or radio time except from 7pm to bedtime and then a lot of the time they will watch a movie together or the music will be on CD and not from the radio. One of the things I've been told to do is not let the girls have access to my computer. Lori has her computer in her office in the basement and the girls leave it alone because it's her work. They'll be staying away from my computer because of all the weird stuff on the internet like porn.

Lori said one thing that was an adjustment for her was how the girls were very aware of her having a baby with their dad. The first time she slept with Andy the next morning the older girl asked if she was going to have a baby with Andy and Lori said that was pretty shocking but then Andy and Debbie explained that they were pretty open with the girls about sexuality and that they didn't want it to be a nasty mystery that no one talked about but just an accepted part of life that is meant for a husband and wife. I don't know what I'd say in the same situation as Lori had but I guess that will happen someday maybe.

Well, Eric is waking up and will be running around real soon so I have to keep up with him and play with him so I have to go for now.


  1. With my age being pretty close to the girls I'm getting along with them really well but I have noticed they don't know much about the world like what music is popular, movie stars, and all that.

    In the grand scheme of things though, celebrity and pop culture are a meaningless waste of our short lives. Consider yourselves enlightened that you all aren't constantly exposed to it anymore and you can focus on things that really, truly matter-- the simple things in life, like building friendships and appreciating having a cohesive family unit.

    Knowing what zany antics Paris Hilton is up to on a daily basis does not make our lives any more fulfilling. Knowing that you have the support of a loving family, does.

    I envy you greatly. You managed to leave an unhappy domestic life and were openly accepted into a different sort of family. Having no real cohesive family of my own, I'd give anything to be given a chance like you had to just ship out and start life anew. Unfortunately being male that isn't an option for me, as nobody really wants additional men in their family-- I can hardly blame them, as most men are gross and I'm ashamed to share a gender with most of them. You know what I'm talking about.

    In any case, I'm glad to see you're happier in your current living arrangement and hope things continue to work out well for you. Your blog is very touching and insightful and I for one appreciate the time you take to continue writing it.


  2. Is there any historical information on the net about this commune? I would love to know more about it and its history.