This morning Christie went home to be with the Lord.
She was a very private person and I am struggling to honor her wishes by not telling you everything I know. I will say that her birth name was Christiana Maria Snowden White and that she was born in Moscow, Idaho on May 27, 1980.
Christie was the devoted wife of Steven and the beloved mother of Eric, Emily, Renee, Samuel, and Elizabeth.
She was also my closest and best friend in the world and she will be deeply missed.
I loved her and she loved everyone.
Megan
Sunday, August 11, 2019
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
We really need your prayers
I'm sorry to not post anything for so long and then just ask for prayer.
Christie started getting sick earlier this year and then last week she ended up in the hospital in SLC. They found out that she has stage four pancreatic cancer and it got caught very late. They kept her in the hospital and she started chemo and radiation and we really, really are asking for a miracle!
We really covet your prayers and ask for God's healing!
Thank you!!!
Megan
Christie started getting sick earlier this year and then last week she ended up in the hospital in SLC. They found out that she has stage four pancreatic cancer and it got caught very late. They kept her in the hospital and she started chemo and radiation and we really, really are asking for a miracle!
We really covet your prayers and ask for God's healing!
Thank you!!!
Megan
Saturday, January 26, 2019
January 2019
Wow, a lot has happened since the last time I posted anything on here!!!
I'll start with my good news that Matthew David joined our family on January 20th! He's gorgeous and healthy and he's probably the loudest of all of my babies!
The other baby news to share is Amy had Colette Suzanne back in September and Cydne had Aubree Renee in October.
Christie is due late next month but she's so big she looks like she's due sooner. The pregnancy is going good for her and I can't even begin to say what a blessing that is!!!
Our really unexpected news that I will share is that Macy came back to us last August. We're really happy to have Macy and her kids home again and she's committed to staying this time and is expecting a baby in April. Things did not work out for her at home so she reached out to us and after a lot of prayer and discussion we welcomed her home.
Yes, that means five wives in the house and I cannot even begin to say how there will NEVER be a sixth!!!
I really missed Macy so I'm happy she's home.
Steve is doing well and he's got a lot of work going on and that's a good thing. I know a lot of people don't like President Trump but we're doing much better since he became President. We had a number of problems with regulations about water on the ranch that are now gone and that's huge for us.
Chinese tourists are a problem along the road. They see the bison and then come over the fence to get close and take pictures and we've had to chase them off a few times. We even had a bus come the whole two miles up our road to the house! Crazy!!! I know it doesn't get in the news a lot but these people are getting hurt up this way quite a lot. They don't understand that not all of the West is a national park. I'm hoping there will be fewer of them this summer.
We're looking at adding to the house and that's going to be a big project to make a log home bigger. Steve is saying maybe next year (2020) we'll get started on that. I know we need the space but I really hate all the noise and dirt and dust that you get when you tear up a house.
I haven't been on email or much of anything else for a while. We had problems with our internet and then it's just been so busy with so many things. It's hard to get time to do things like write on here and then write to everyone. I am sorry to all of you who are overdue for emails from me!!!
Our orchard is doing great and we're getting a lot of apples and stonefruits every year. Our few peach trees are doing okay even though this really isn't peach country. The cherries are doing great.
I'm looking forward to spring and getting the garden going again. Our garden for the house is four acres now and that seems a lot but we sell the excess and then the culls go to feeding the animals. Can't even tell you all how much I am looking forward to a salad!!!
I had to add moderation to the comments on here because I had a lot of spam messages getting posted in Arabic. Things like pest control and gay pornography. So sorry I had to do that but it does make me get on here more often!
I have a huge bison stew going right now and need to get back to it. I hope you all have a wonderful 2019!
Megan
I'll start with my good news that Matthew David joined our family on January 20th! He's gorgeous and healthy and he's probably the loudest of all of my babies!
The other baby news to share is Amy had Colette Suzanne back in September and Cydne had Aubree Renee in October.
Christie is due late next month but she's so big she looks like she's due sooner. The pregnancy is going good for her and I can't even begin to say what a blessing that is!!!
Our really unexpected news that I will share is that Macy came back to us last August. We're really happy to have Macy and her kids home again and she's committed to staying this time and is expecting a baby in April. Things did not work out for her at home so she reached out to us and after a lot of prayer and discussion we welcomed her home.
Yes, that means five wives in the house and I cannot even begin to say how there will NEVER be a sixth!!!
I really missed Macy so I'm happy she's home.
Steve is doing well and he's got a lot of work going on and that's a good thing. I know a lot of people don't like President Trump but we're doing much better since he became President. We had a number of problems with regulations about water on the ranch that are now gone and that's huge for us.
Chinese tourists are a problem along the road. They see the bison and then come over the fence to get close and take pictures and we've had to chase them off a few times. We even had a bus come the whole two miles up our road to the house! Crazy!!! I know it doesn't get in the news a lot but these people are getting hurt up this way quite a lot. They don't understand that not all of the West is a national park. I'm hoping there will be fewer of them this summer.
We're looking at adding to the house and that's going to be a big project to make a log home bigger. Steve is saying maybe next year (2020) we'll get started on that. I know we need the space but I really hate all the noise and dirt and dust that you get when you tear up a house.
I haven't been on email or much of anything else for a while. We had problems with our internet and then it's just been so busy with so many things. It's hard to get time to do things like write on here and then write to everyone. I am sorry to all of you who are overdue for emails from me!!!
Our orchard is doing great and we're getting a lot of apples and stonefruits every year. Our few peach trees are doing okay even though this really isn't peach country. The cherries are doing great.
I'm looking forward to spring and getting the garden going again. Our garden for the house is four acres now and that seems a lot but we sell the excess and then the culls go to feeding the animals. Can't even tell you all how much I am looking forward to a salad!!!
I had to add moderation to the comments on here because I had a lot of spam messages getting posted in Arabic. Things like pest control and gay pornography. So sorry I had to do that but it does make me get on here more often!
I have a huge bison stew going right now and need to get back to it. I hope you all have a wonderful 2019!
Megan
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Is eight really enough?
Yes, it's true! Around the end of January I'll be welcoming my eighth baby! Crazy!!!
It'll be just in time for my tenth anniversary, too!
Just to answer a question I've already been asked a few times: No, we were not trying for another baby but we weren't doing anything to stop it!
Christie is definitely trying for her fifth and we're all praying for her!
Life is good around here. The winter seems to be over and we've had warm days and warm-enough nights that I'm leaving my window open a crack now! I LOVE the fresh air! Shoes are now optional around here and that's a good sign for summer!
The garden plot is in and we're hoping for some wonderful carrots, potatoes, turnips, beets, and onions!
I will try to post on here a bit more in the future.
Just had to get on here and share some good news!
- Megan
It'll be just in time for my tenth anniversary, too!
Just to answer a question I've already been asked a few times: No, we were not trying for another baby but we weren't doing anything to stop it!
Christie is definitely trying for her fifth and we're all praying for her!
Life is good around here. The winter seems to be over and we've had warm days and warm-enough nights that I'm leaving my window open a crack now! I LOVE the fresh air! Shoes are now optional around here and that's a good sign for summer!
The garden plot is in and we're hoping for some wonderful carrots, potatoes, turnips, beets, and onions!
I will try to post on here a bit more in the future.
Just had to get on here and share some good news!
- Megan
Monday, February 5, 2018
It's time for an update!
Happy New Year to everyone! Isn't it crazy that 2018 is 10% over already? I hope the new year is everything you all wanted from it!
There have been a few requests for me to do an update and I get them in email and not just on here. I guess it is time and here I go...
Steve is working a lot and that's a wonderful thing! The oil business isn't so busy right now and he's been in Texas mostly helping to rebuild from the flooding last year. He's also bought some houses that were uninsured and he's fixing them up to sell them again. I feel bad for the families that had to sell their homes but at least the homes will be fixed and someone else can live in them.
In the last year Steve has been hunting again and he's done a couple trips to Arkansas to hunt wild hogs and he's always really happy when he gets home from one of these trips and I hope he can get away again this summer.
Steve's first wife Shari started a new life in Seattle and she's got a boyfriend and they're doing pretty good from what we hear.
Steve and Shari have three daughters and they're Stephanie (who goes by Stevie), Lauren, and Hannah. Stevie and Lauren are both married, they have children, and they're both poly. They both live not far from here and we see them all the time.
Hannah went to a college in Michigan, graduated, and now has a job in the wine business in California. At Christmas she came home with her boyfriend and it sounds pretty serious like they'll be engaged soon. They will not be a poly family but Hannah's boy seems okay with the whole thing.
Christie is doing pretty good and so are her four kids. Her oldest boy turned ten this last year! It's so crazy to think he was just a toddler when I first met him and now he's like this little serious cowboy/rancher/man! Her two girls and her youngest boy are doing well. Christie has had challenges this last year with trying for another baby and she's just letting things go and if it happens it happens is what she says.
We do not hear from Macy anymore. The last we heard she and her two kids were fine, living in Ohio with her parents. And then that was it. The phone numbers for her don't work anymore and she doesn't return email so we don't hear from her. We're going to respect her decision but we still miss her and if you're reading this Macy, we love you!
Cydne and her three kids are doing great! She isn't avoiding getting pregnant but is also enjoying a little break after having her son last year.
Amy and her baby are doing great and we're pretty sure she got pregnant over Christmas and is now due with her second baby around the end of September and we're all very happy for her!
My kids are all doing pretty good. My one girl had eye problems when she was born and is wearing really thick glasses now but she's healthy. The eye doctor wants her to have cornea transplants when she gets older (like 16) to maybe get her eyesight to 20/20 and we'll see what happens.
Myself I had the flu pretty bad. I was actually in the hospital for three days last month it got so bad. I had a fever that got to 104 and that was when I went to the hospital. I seriously don't remember much from the day I went in other than my hands felt like they were all swollen up but they looked just fine. It was the strangest thing I think I've ever felt and I know it was a hallucination but it seemed so real!
Other people in the house had the flu too but I was the only one who got the whole stomach flu version of it. I lost a LOT of weight and I feel exhausted all the time right now but it's getting better. I am really blessed that we have so much help in the house because I can't imagine being as sick as I was and having Steve 1,000 miles away and seven kids at home!
With the end of the big oil boom the demand for construction crews cut off and we lost some families in the church that had to move away to find work. We also had some non-church neighbors move away for work.
Around the ranch things are what you'd expect. We've seen more wolves this year but so long as they just pass through we don't bother them. It's when they stop and stare at the children is when we get concerned and if they approach the house during the day they end up as feed for the hogs. I don't know why people worship these things! They're not just big dogs! Ugh. In any case we've only taken two of them in the last year and both of them were not tagged. Still have to report taking them but it's less hassle when they're not tagged and the two we took were not tagged.
This one ranger we see once in a while says the tagged wolves avoid people because they don't want to get captured again. If that's true then I wish they'd tag more of them!
We're still running bison and they're still the best kind of herd for the ranch! They're easy to take care of and they dig in the snow for forage when they have to so it saves on feed. We still managed to put out a lot of bromegrass mixed with hay and alfalfa for them. We put molasses on the feed so they eat it up or else we get pronghorn coming in to eat what the bison don't eat.
We have a herd of elk that come through and we've put out a few bales of feed for them, too.
I still have about a hundred chickens and we eat the eggs and I sell the rest to friends and neighbors. Not making much money from them but they're nice to have around and the eggs are pretty good.
We keep a few hogs around to eat up leftovers from the house and the dead things we find around here. They don't even care if it's a dead bird, they'll eat it! Right now we have eight of them and in a month or two we'll slaughter two of them and put up the pork and smoke the bacon.
This summer we'll have almost two acres for the garden and I am so looking forward to fresh veggies! Swiss chard, turnips, cabbage, cauliflower, beets, and we'll be putting up wires for the peas too! We have an orchard in what used to be about an acre of swampy land (mushy but not like a wetland area). Steve added a bunch of soil to the area and then we planted apricots, apples, pears, and cherries and this year we expect to get at least a decent crop of cherries. What we don't eat fresh I'll put up in pies and low-sugar preserves.
Steve has a hobby of a home distillery and he's got bourbon aging in what used to be four port barrels. It was a lot of work to make 200+ gallons of bourbon and I'm seriously glad he doesn't plan on drinking it all himself! He says the port should make for an interesting bourbon. I don't care much for strong liquor but I will try it when it's ready in a few years.
I still make the occasional quilt. It's relaxing to just work on something and not think about everything going on.
Church is nice and I attend women's Bible study on Wednesday nights. We're studying Isaiah right now and it's interesting, We'll be doing Corinthians next and I am really looking forward to it because it's a lot more challenging and we have much better discussions about that kind of thing.
That's about it for an update! I'm always good for questions but I hope this answered most of them!
Hope you all have a loving Valentine's Day!
- Megan
There have been a few requests for me to do an update and I get them in email and not just on here. I guess it is time and here I go...
Steve is working a lot and that's a wonderful thing! The oil business isn't so busy right now and he's been in Texas mostly helping to rebuild from the flooding last year. He's also bought some houses that were uninsured and he's fixing them up to sell them again. I feel bad for the families that had to sell their homes but at least the homes will be fixed and someone else can live in them.
In the last year Steve has been hunting again and he's done a couple trips to Arkansas to hunt wild hogs and he's always really happy when he gets home from one of these trips and I hope he can get away again this summer.
Steve's first wife Shari started a new life in Seattle and she's got a boyfriend and they're doing pretty good from what we hear.
Steve and Shari have three daughters and they're Stephanie (who goes by Stevie), Lauren, and Hannah. Stevie and Lauren are both married, they have children, and they're both poly. They both live not far from here and we see them all the time.
Hannah went to a college in Michigan, graduated, and now has a job in the wine business in California. At Christmas she came home with her boyfriend and it sounds pretty serious like they'll be engaged soon. They will not be a poly family but Hannah's boy seems okay with the whole thing.
Christie is doing pretty good and so are her four kids. Her oldest boy turned ten this last year! It's so crazy to think he was just a toddler when I first met him and now he's like this little serious cowboy/rancher/man! Her two girls and her youngest boy are doing well. Christie has had challenges this last year with trying for another baby and she's just letting things go and if it happens it happens is what she says.
We do not hear from Macy anymore. The last we heard she and her two kids were fine, living in Ohio with her parents. And then that was it. The phone numbers for her don't work anymore and she doesn't return email so we don't hear from her. We're going to respect her decision but we still miss her and if you're reading this Macy, we love you!
Cydne and her three kids are doing great! She isn't avoiding getting pregnant but is also enjoying a little break after having her son last year.
Amy and her baby are doing great and we're pretty sure she got pregnant over Christmas and is now due with her second baby around the end of September and we're all very happy for her!
My kids are all doing pretty good. My one girl had eye problems when she was born and is wearing really thick glasses now but she's healthy. The eye doctor wants her to have cornea transplants when she gets older (like 16) to maybe get her eyesight to 20/20 and we'll see what happens.
Myself I had the flu pretty bad. I was actually in the hospital for three days last month it got so bad. I had a fever that got to 104 and that was when I went to the hospital. I seriously don't remember much from the day I went in other than my hands felt like they were all swollen up but they looked just fine. It was the strangest thing I think I've ever felt and I know it was a hallucination but it seemed so real!
Other people in the house had the flu too but I was the only one who got the whole stomach flu version of it. I lost a LOT of weight and I feel exhausted all the time right now but it's getting better. I am really blessed that we have so much help in the house because I can't imagine being as sick as I was and having Steve 1,000 miles away and seven kids at home!
With the end of the big oil boom the demand for construction crews cut off and we lost some families in the church that had to move away to find work. We also had some non-church neighbors move away for work.
Around the ranch things are what you'd expect. We've seen more wolves this year but so long as they just pass through we don't bother them. It's when they stop and stare at the children is when we get concerned and if they approach the house during the day they end up as feed for the hogs. I don't know why people worship these things! They're not just big dogs! Ugh. In any case we've only taken two of them in the last year and both of them were not tagged. Still have to report taking them but it's less hassle when they're not tagged and the two we took were not tagged.
This one ranger we see once in a while says the tagged wolves avoid people because they don't want to get captured again. If that's true then I wish they'd tag more of them!
We're still running bison and they're still the best kind of herd for the ranch! They're easy to take care of and they dig in the snow for forage when they have to so it saves on feed. We still managed to put out a lot of bromegrass mixed with hay and alfalfa for them. We put molasses on the feed so they eat it up or else we get pronghorn coming in to eat what the bison don't eat.
We have a herd of elk that come through and we've put out a few bales of feed for them, too.
I still have about a hundred chickens and we eat the eggs and I sell the rest to friends and neighbors. Not making much money from them but they're nice to have around and the eggs are pretty good.
We keep a few hogs around to eat up leftovers from the house and the dead things we find around here. They don't even care if it's a dead bird, they'll eat it! Right now we have eight of them and in a month or two we'll slaughter two of them and put up the pork and smoke the bacon.
This summer we'll have almost two acres for the garden and I am so looking forward to fresh veggies! Swiss chard, turnips, cabbage, cauliflower, beets, and we'll be putting up wires for the peas too! We have an orchard in what used to be about an acre of swampy land (mushy but not like a wetland area). Steve added a bunch of soil to the area and then we planted apricots, apples, pears, and cherries and this year we expect to get at least a decent crop of cherries. What we don't eat fresh I'll put up in pies and low-sugar preserves.
Steve has a hobby of a home distillery and he's got bourbon aging in what used to be four port barrels. It was a lot of work to make 200+ gallons of bourbon and I'm seriously glad he doesn't plan on drinking it all himself! He says the port should make for an interesting bourbon. I don't care much for strong liquor but I will try it when it's ready in a few years.
I still make the occasional quilt. It's relaxing to just work on something and not think about everything going on.
Church is nice and I attend women's Bible study on Wednesday nights. We're studying Isaiah right now and it's interesting, We'll be doing Corinthians next and I am really looking forward to it because it's a lot more challenging and we have much better discussions about that kind of thing.
That's about it for an update! I'm always good for questions but I hope this answered most of them!
Hope you all have a loving Valentine's Day!
- Megan
Saturday, December 23, 2017
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to Everyone!
I hope your Christmas is filled with Joy and Love!
- Megan
Sunday, December 3, 2017
December 3, 2017: Answers to Questions
Welcome to December everyone!
I am going to wish you all a very Blessed and Merry Christmas and a very Happy 2018 before I get started! God bless and keep all of you!
On to the questions from the blog:
Q: Did you get my email about me changing emails?
Yes, I did. I am thinking about it.
Q: Also, how often is Steve home, and how often is he home with you? Is it mostly just a whole bunch of wives?
It depends on how much work he has and where the work is. Like when he was in North Dakota all the time we could count on him coming home on weekends. Right now he has a lot of work in Texas and we see him when he can get away so you're right that a lot of the time it's all wives and children in the house!
Q: Hi Megan! I'm curious if your sexual relationship ever extends to the other women in your life. Are you sexually involved with each other or have a strong intimacy with them? Lots of love!
I think "strong intimacy" is probably the best answer here. I mean you get used to seeing each other all the time, we share responsibilities with breast feeding when we can, and we're around each other all the time and we really do love each other! There's a lot of kissing and cuddling that goes on but anymore it's really rare when any of us have the time for anything more than that. I think I would have had a different answer for you a few years ago but it's not like that anymore or at least for now. I will say when it is cold in the house I really love having someone to cuddle up with at night!
Q: What would you suggest to do if someone was interested in this type of lifestyle? I'm a female uni student who really relates to what brought you into polygamy, but I have no interest in the more common polyamory thing, like I think plural marriage is pretty neat but I would want to do it in a Christian way like you, if that makes sense lol but I've never come across any Christian community that really accepts that or any Christian :/ It's too bad because its something I've always had an interest in, which is how I found your blog :)
You could start by joining a site called Biblical Families. They're mostly Christians on that site and I think most of them seem pretty normal compared to our church or some other poly friendly churches. Yahoo Groups still has a lot of poly people active but they're mostly pagan (their word, not mine) and it's more about just sex than having families from what I have seen. It never hurts to look around because I can say I met my family on a Yahoo Group and it worked out for me. I will pray that you find what God wants for you in your life!
Q: How is Shari? Does she stay in touch with the family? How is Stevie and her husband? Do you see them?
Shari stopped keeping in touch with us and we respect her choice. She moved to Seattle, she has a job, and she has a new boyfriend and I think she's happy with her choices.
Stevie (Stephanie) is Steve's oldest daughter by Shari and she is married and has her own family now. Her husband did really well with the oil boom and he has a permanent job with an oil company. They have a second wife who was a Mennonite and she's had two babies with them. We had them at the house last year for Christmas and we're going to have a family Christmas again this year and it will be a pretty big crowd and we'll see Stevie, Lauren, and then Hannah is coming from California with her fiancé (they will not be a poly family).
Q: Hello Megan, Do you relate to any of the women who have been talking about sexual harassment and abuse lately? I ask because some of what you have written over the years indicates that you have had similar experiences and from what I can tell your sister wife Macy was abused by the first family she lived with. Would you say that abuse is more or less common in your church than in the general public? I am not asking for statistics here, just your opinion.
This is a really difficult question. I believe you are a Muslim so I imagine you probably see the same things in Muslim relationships that go on in traditional or fundamentalist Christian relationships. The first thing is that when a woman decides to join a family in the church there's a big effort to make sure that she really wants to do this because no one wants the problems that can happen when someone leaves. They also want to make sure that women who choose this really understand what they're getting into.
And the difference between things being they way they should be and then being abusive can be kind of blurry if you ask me.
The church is patriarchal and that even used to be part of the name of the church. It means the men are in charge and the husband is the head of the house and the women in the house submit to him in all things.
As a woman you agree to this and that's what I did. That's what a lot of women do. Then you discover that your very first responsibility is to have children and there's a HUGE amount of social pressure to have children. If you're okay with this then that means a lot of sex. I had to get used to that and sometimes that means the sex isn't all that romantic. That's the point where things can start to be abusive and Macy absolutely suffered because she really didn't want that. Fortunately the church helped her and she was with us for a few years and now she's back home in Ohio with her parents and her kids.
I don't know of much actual violence going on and that's one of the things that is a big plus to me about having other women in the house is I have never worried about Steve ever acting that way (and he never would) because there are other women around. We do have problems with drugs even in the church and meth and heroin have been problems ever since the oil boom. We've only had one poly family break up over drugs but a few other families have had problems. The drugs sometimes cause abuse in a family but that's not unique to the church.
Both of my parents went crazy because of meth and I have to wonder if people really know what they are wishing for when they want to legalize drugs.
I could write a lot more but it's hard to get my thoughts all put down just right and I hate for people to misread what I say. But I hope that answers your question.
- Megan
I am going to wish you all a very Blessed and Merry Christmas and a very Happy 2018 before I get started! God bless and keep all of you!
On to the questions from the blog:
Q: Did you get my email about me changing emails?
Yes, I did. I am thinking about it.
Q: Also, how often is Steve home, and how often is he home with you? Is it mostly just a whole bunch of wives?
It depends on how much work he has and where the work is. Like when he was in North Dakota all the time we could count on him coming home on weekends. Right now he has a lot of work in Texas and we see him when he can get away so you're right that a lot of the time it's all wives and children in the house!
Q: Hi Megan! I'm curious if your sexual relationship ever extends to the other women in your life. Are you sexually involved with each other or have a strong intimacy with them? Lots of love!
I think "strong intimacy" is probably the best answer here. I mean you get used to seeing each other all the time, we share responsibilities with breast feeding when we can, and we're around each other all the time and we really do love each other! There's a lot of kissing and cuddling that goes on but anymore it's really rare when any of us have the time for anything more than that. I think I would have had a different answer for you a few years ago but it's not like that anymore or at least for now. I will say when it is cold in the house I really love having someone to cuddle up with at night!
Q: What would you suggest to do if someone was interested in this type of lifestyle? I'm a female uni student who really relates to what brought you into polygamy, but I have no interest in the more common polyamory thing, like I think plural marriage is pretty neat but I would want to do it in a Christian way like you, if that makes sense lol but I've never come across any Christian community that really accepts that or any Christian :/ It's too bad because its something I've always had an interest in, which is how I found your blog :)
You could start by joining a site called Biblical Families. They're mostly Christians on that site and I think most of them seem pretty normal compared to our church or some other poly friendly churches. Yahoo Groups still has a lot of poly people active but they're mostly pagan (their word, not mine) and it's more about just sex than having families from what I have seen. It never hurts to look around because I can say I met my family on a Yahoo Group and it worked out for me. I will pray that you find what God wants for you in your life!
Q: How is Shari? Does she stay in touch with the family? How is Stevie and her husband? Do you see them?
Shari stopped keeping in touch with us and we respect her choice. She moved to Seattle, she has a job, and she has a new boyfriend and I think she's happy with her choices.
Stevie (Stephanie) is Steve's oldest daughter by Shari and she is married and has her own family now. Her husband did really well with the oil boom and he has a permanent job with an oil company. They have a second wife who was a Mennonite and she's had two babies with them. We had them at the house last year for Christmas and we're going to have a family Christmas again this year and it will be a pretty big crowd and we'll see Stevie, Lauren, and then Hannah is coming from California with her fiancé (they will not be a poly family).
Q: Hello Megan, Do you relate to any of the women who have been talking about sexual harassment and abuse lately? I ask because some of what you have written over the years indicates that you have had similar experiences and from what I can tell your sister wife Macy was abused by the first family she lived with. Would you say that abuse is more or less common in your church than in the general public? I am not asking for statistics here, just your opinion.
This is a really difficult question. I believe you are a Muslim so I imagine you probably see the same things in Muslim relationships that go on in traditional or fundamentalist Christian relationships. The first thing is that when a woman decides to join a family in the church there's a big effort to make sure that she really wants to do this because no one wants the problems that can happen when someone leaves. They also want to make sure that women who choose this really understand what they're getting into.
And the difference between things being they way they should be and then being abusive can be kind of blurry if you ask me.
The church is patriarchal and that even used to be part of the name of the church. It means the men are in charge and the husband is the head of the house and the women in the house submit to him in all things.
As a woman you agree to this and that's what I did. That's what a lot of women do. Then you discover that your very first responsibility is to have children and there's a HUGE amount of social pressure to have children. If you're okay with this then that means a lot of sex. I had to get used to that and sometimes that means the sex isn't all that romantic. That's the point where things can start to be abusive and Macy absolutely suffered because she really didn't want that. Fortunately the church helped her and she was with us for a few years and now she's back home in Ohio with her parents and her kids.
I don't know of much actual violence going on and that's one of the things that is a big plus to me about having other women in the house is I have never worried about Steve ever acting that way (and he never would) because there are other women around. We do have problems with drugs even in the church and meth and heroin have been problems ever since the oil boom. We've only had one poly family break up over drugs but a few other families have had problems. The drugs sometimes cause abuse in a family but that's not unique to the church.
Both of my parents went crazy because of meth and I have to wonder if people really know what they are wishing for when they want to legalize drugs.
I could write a lot more but it's hard to get my thoughts all put down just right and I hate for people to misread what I say. But I hope that answers your question.
- Megan
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