If Steve were suddenly not there (as in BigLove) would you wives all stay together as a family unit and raise your children together? Or is Steve what holds the family together and if he weren't there you would simply be single mothers and drift appart over time? Robyn
I am sorry but we don't get HBO. Christie bought the first season of Big Love on DVD and it was just too much drama. There were things in it that were just not right but I guess that makes a good TV show.
If Steve were not there then we are taken care of financially and at this point I think all three of us would stay together at least for a while. The church tends to want widows to remarry and maybe...? I don't know. I hope it never comes up. But with the three of us our kids tie us all together and I don't ever see us drifting apart.
Thank you for the really good questions!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Candice's Question
From Candice:
I had a bit of a question: I follow a lot of Muslim blogs and polygamy is coming up SO MUCH lately. I really see the contrast between the life they lead and your's. As you might know, polygamy in Islam is a bit different. It's normally not a big family like your's, but more about a husband going from one home to the other, both wives and her children living separately from each other. What do you feel are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? Would you give up the sisterhood you have with your wives and the "big family" feel to have more of a one-on-one relationship with husband and only only you, him and your children to take care of?
I guess I am used to this and I really like it. But it could be hard if you didn't like your sisterwives and maybe that's something the Muslims think about. I also think the Muslim men don't want to be outnumbered in the house. Steve sometimes has to deal with the fact that three women will sometimes outvote his opinion and sometimes he will say he doesn't want something to happen and we all do it anyway.
Two years ago when I was thinking about this (I just had my 2nd Anniversary! Yay!) a big thing that made me want to do this was the thing that I would not be alone with a man but would have another woman to have as a friend in the house. It was a million percent different when I got married than what I thought it would be but I am still sure about this one part and I love my sisterwives and would never want to be living alone without them.
I had a bit of a question: I follow a lot of Muslim blogs and polygamy is coming up SO MUCH lately. I really see the contrast between the life they lead and your's. As you might know, polygamy in Islam is a bit different. It's normally not a big family like your's, but more about a husband going from one home to the other, both wives and her children living separately from each other. What do you feel are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? Would you give up the sisterhood you have with your wives and the "big family" feel to have more of a one-on-one relationship with husband and only only you, him and your children to take care of?
I guess I am used to this and I really like it. But it could be hard if you didn't like your sisterwives and maybe that's something the Muslims think about. I also think the Muslim men don't want to be outnumbered in the house. Steve sometimes has to deal with the fact that three women will sometimes outvote his opinion and sometimes he will say he doesn't want something to happen and we all do it anyway.
Two years ago when I was thinking about this (I just had my 2nd Anniversary! Yay!) a big thing that made me want to do this was the thing that I would not be alone with a man but would have another woman to have as a friend in the house. It was a million percent different when I got married than what I thought it would be but I am still sure about this one part and I love my sisterwives and would never want to be living alone without them.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
A really good question
This was from Anonymous:
Hi Megan, I enjoy reading your posts and I'm glad you've found the love / family situation that works for you! I have a question that I've kind of always wondered about poly families and I thought you might be able to answer it or give an educated guess because you know a lot more families than I do. How many of the families that you know are truly making it on their own (by that I mean the husband is supporting everyone) as compared to how many have all the unmarried (in the legal sense) wives receiving welfare benefits? I know that's a typical criticism of poly families, that most of the family is just receiving welfare and I'm curious if you think it's true or if most of the families you know are truly supporting themselves. (no judgment intended, just genuinely curious) Best wishes to your family, hope spring is right around the corner!
I am sure I wrote about this before but I don't mind answering this again.
In our church couples don't take another person into their family unless they are 100% debt free and have some money put away. There are no set rules about that because things happen and the rules are not going to get in the way of doing the right thing, meaning the right thing to do is always the right thing to do regardless of the rules. Like how Jesus and the Apostles healed people on the Sabbath. The rules said you're not supposed to do that but it was the right thing to do.
But mostly the rule is obeyed and only a family that can provide for a new person is accepted in doing that. Like some people ask if my family will ever add a fourth wife and that is not going to happen that I can imagine even if we wanted to. We're pretty tight on money and that will not change that I can see so it's not something to worry about.
Families that have problems get help from the church and the church has a reserve fund for that kind of thing. Our old congregation had the goal of being able to support all of our families for a year and they met that goal. Our new congregation is not doing as well and it will be a while before we get to being able to support everyone for a year. But if a family has a hard time the church does the support first because we do not want attention from anyone.
I do know some poly people are anti-American and they take welfare and call it 'bleeding the beast' and we absolutely would NEVER do that! I also have some friends online who are FLDS and they tell me they don't do that either.
I also know I never would have done this if it meant going on welfare to make things happen. Not like I am down on people who get welfare, it's just if I have a choice I don't want to be one of them.
Hi Megan, I enjoy reading your posts and I'm glad you've found the love / family situation that works for you! I have a question that I've kind of always wondered about poly families and I thought you might be able to answer it or give an educated guess because you know a lot more families than I do. How many of the families that you know are truly making it on their own (by that I mean the husband is supporting everyone) as compared to how many have all the unmarried (in the legal sense) wives receiving welfare benefits? I know that's a typical criticism of poly families, that most of the family is just receiving welfare and I'm curious if you think it's true or if most of the families you know are truly supporting themselves. (no judgment intended, just genuinely curious) Best wishes to your family, hope spring is right around the corner!
I am sure I wrote about this before but I don't mind answering this again.
In our church couples don't take another person into their family unless they are 100% debt free and have some money put away. There are no set rules about that because things happen and the rules are not going to get in the way of doing the right thing, meaning the right thing to do is always the right thing to do regardless of the rules. Like how Jesus and the Apostles healed people on the Sabbath. The rules said you're not supposed to do that but it was the right thing to do.
But mostly the rule is obeyed and only a family that can provide for a new person is accepted in doing that. Like some people ask if my family will ever add a fourth wife and that is not going to happen that I can imagine even if we wanted to. We're pretty tight on money and that will not change that I can see so it's not something to worry about.
Families that have problems get help from the church and the church has a reserve fund for that kind of thing. Our old congregation had the goal of being able to support all of our families for a year and they met that goal. Our new congregation is not doing as well and it will be a while before we get to being able to support everyone for a year. But if a family has a hard time the church does the support first because we do not want attention from anyone.
I do know some poly people are anti-American and they take welfare and call it 'bleeding the beast' and we absolutely would NEVER do that! I also have some friends online who are FLDS and they tell me they don't do that either.
I also know I never would have done this if it meant going on welfare to make things happen. Not like I am down on people who get welfare, it's just if I have a choice I don't want to be one of them.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Heidi's Questions
Heidi, Thanks for giving me something to write!
1. Describe a day in the life at your farm with your family.
I'm usually up around 5am to get breakfast going unless it was my night to sleep in with Steve or to sleep in by myself and then I will get up around 7 or so. If I'm doing breakfast I get it prepped and on the table for 6:30 and that's right about when everyone else is up. By 7:30 the kitchen is clean and I'm either with the babies or the chickens collecting eggs for the day. After that I usually bake bread or prep for lunch and somewhere in that I take about an hour to be with my girls. Noon time and it's lunch and that lasts about 30 minutes or so and then it is back to babies or out to feed the cattle. After those chores are done I take another hour with my babies and then it's time to start dinner. Dinner is usually on the table at 6pm and it's cleaned up by 7pm. Then it is time to sit with the family and we talk or sometimes watch movies or something family friendly on TV. Sometimes we are out to the hot tub at night and I'll soak my feet since I can't be in there for now. Then bed time is around 9 to 10 and I usually go for 10 and feed the girls a little before bed so they sleep all night.
2. Now that you've been married a while, describe how your marriage is different from what you thought it would be (before you moved into the family home), and/or how much it's like what you thought it would be.
I am not sure what I thought it would be like before. I really didn't think of the marriage part I mostly just thought of the babies and not living at home with my mom part. That sounds pretty bad and it is pretty bad. I think I was doing things just because they were things to do and I didn't think about them as much as I should have. My wedding night was the start of a very long reality check. In a lot of ways I think it is a lot better than I thought it would be because I have gotten to know and love everyone and this is the best and most loved I've ever been. It's hard to explain but there is this warm feeling in my heart now that was never there before and I hope it never changes.
3. Tell us a funny story about what it's like to live in such a big family (I bet all those kids do some romping together).
I don't really have any stories but maybe a lot of little 'pictures'. Like getting busy with Steve in the kitchen and getting caught. Skinny dipping in the pool for the first time. Sleeping with Macy or Christie and feeling really close to them. Having one of Steve's daughters slip into my bed at night to be close to me because they love me. Having four babies and two toddlers crying all at the same time and no one else is around to help. Finding my first chicken killed by a coyote. Laughing around the dinner table as a big family. Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve and everyone dressed for church. Birthdays and LOTS of them! Chatting in the kitchen with a teenager about things that I did a few years ago as a teenager. Feeling so much older than I did two years ago. Quilting and enjoying it and not missing the city. Church picnics with lots of happy families. Showering with someone else and realizing you didn't think about it. Trusting someone with everything.
Cryng right now because I am so happy!
1. Describe a day in the life at your farm with your family.
I'm usually up around 5am to get breakfast going unless it was my night to sleep in with Steve or to sleep in by myself and then I will get up around 7 or so. If I'm doing breakfast I get it prepped and on the table for 6:30 and that's right about when everyone else is up. By 7:30 the kitchen is clean and I'm either with the babies or the chickens collecting eggs for the day. After that I usually bake bread or prep for lunch and somewhere in that I take about an hour to be with my girls. Noon time and it's lunch and that lasts about 30 minutes or so and then it is back to babies or out to feed the cattle. After those chores are done I take another hour with my babies and then it's time to start dinner. Dinner is usually on the table at 6pm and it's cleaned up by 7pm. Then it is time to sit with the family and we talk or sometimes watch movies or something family friendly on TV. Sometimes we are out to the hot tub at night and I'll soak my feet since I can't be in there for now. Then bed time is around 9 to 10 and I usually go for 10 and feed the girls a little before bed so they sleep all night.
2. Now that you've been married a while, describe how your marriage is different from what you thought it would be (before you moved into the family home), and/or how much it's like what you thought it would be.
I am not sure what I thought it would be like before. I really didn't think of the marriage part I mostly just thought of the babies and not living at home with my mom part. That sounds pretty bad and it is pretty bad. I think I was doing things just because they were things to do and I didn't think about them as much as I should have. My wedding night was the start of a very long reality check. In a lot of ways I think it is a lot better than I thought it would be because I have gotten to know and love everyone and this is the best and most loved I've ever been. It's hard to explain but there is this warm feeling in my heart now that was never there before and I hope it never changes.
3. Tell us a funny story about what it's like to live in such a big family (I bet all those kids do some romping together).
I don't really have any stories but maybe a lot of little 'pictures'. Like getting busy with Steve in the kitchen and getting caught. Skinny dipping in the pool for the first time. Sleeping with Macy or Christie and feeling really close to them. Having one of Steve's daughters slip into my bed at night to be close to me because they love me. Having four babies and two toddlers crying all at the same time and no one else is around to help. Finding my first chicken killed by a coyote. Laughing around the dinner table as a big family. Thanksgiving. Christmas Eve and everyone dressed for church. Birthdays and LOTS of them! Chatting in the kitchen with a teenager about things that I did a few years ago as a teenager. Feeling so much older than I did two years ago. Quilting and enjoying it and not missing the city. Church picnics with lots of happy families. Showering with someone else and realizing you didn't think about it. Trusting someone with everything.
Cryng right now because I am so happy!
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