Yahoo Groups post from Alan M. - VERY COOL!!!

Alan M. sent this to me from Yahoo Groups and I am just posting it here because it is pretty awesome!!

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Polyamory advocates break new ground in one of Canada's highest courts, with media coverage to match. A happy poly household is featured on TV, with toddler. We read that "Three is the new two," "Poly is the new gay," and "Is polyamory the new black?" Deborah Anapol weighs upsides and downsides. And a study uncovers a pathetic truth: many young lovers recall the opposite of what their partner does about their agreement on whether to be monogamous.

If you haven't kept up with Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com) in the last three months, here is some of what you missed:

** Canadian activists take the case for poly decriminalization to British Columbia's highest court. "Attorney John Ince, representing the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association, delivered the most direct and specific defense of polyamory as a legitimate way of life ever presented before such a high court. By evening the news was all over Canada...."

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/11/radical-intrusion-into-private-sphere.html

** More on the Canadian case, including a poly family who came very out:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/search/label/Canada

** "Three is the new two, as couples explore the boundaries of non-monogamy". "The Hill-Thompsons are like any other young family expecting their first baby.... There is, however, one thing about the Hill-Thompsons that makes them a little unusual: there are three of them." Another mainstream newspaper shows that it can do a good job:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/11/three-is-new-two-as-couples-explore.html

** A happy poly household is featured on TV, in a place that has left a terrible past behind:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2011/01/poly-on-tv-where-world-was-reborn.html

** Thirty years later, poly movement co-founder Deborah Anapol offers thoughtful observations on the downsides and upsides of poly life:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/11/downsides-of-polyamory.html
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/upside-of-polyamory.html

** More college newspaper coverage, including more remarks on "poly as the new gay":

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/recent-poly-thoughts-in-student.html

** A women's magazine asks, "Is polyamory the new black?"

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/poly-explained-for-checkout-counter-set.html

** New culture? New advice columns needed. A roundup of both knowledgeable and clueless attempts to deal with the subject:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/new-culture-new-advice-columns-needed.html

** Kind hearts, cruel results? Although love should be the great clarifier of values, poly love is no better than the usual kind at guaranteeing that you won't mess someone up:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2011/01/kind-hearts-cruel-results.html

** "How to have an Open Relationship." A strong, healthy feminist voice in YES magazine sets an example:

http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/what-happy-families-know/sex-without-jealousy-love-without-ownership

** Poly and jolly for the holidays. Okay, they're over, but go ahead and enjoy this collection anyway:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/poly-and-jolly-for-holidays.html

** History buffs: Although the word "polyamory" was coined for its current meaning in 1990 and 1992 (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2007/01/polyamory-enters-oxford-english.html), a version of it first appeared as early as 1953 -- but not for someone we would apply it to:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2010/12/first-appearance-of-word-polyamorist.html

** And a large study reveals the sad truth: most young couples who *think* they have had a discussion about monogamy, and agreed with each other whether or not to be exclusive, might as well have been talking to the wind. A coinflip would do almost as well for telling whether the other partner heard what they said, or heard the opposite. Communication catastrophe in mainstream monogamy:

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2011/01/communication-catastrophe-in-mainstream.html

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I've done 476 of these reports in the last six years, covering roughly 1,000 items in news media of all kinds. Archived entries are sorted by topic, date, and sometimes location and language. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I do creating them!

Happy snow season,

Alan

P.S. Hope to see you at Loving More's Poly Living conference in Philadelphia next weekend, February 4-6:
http://www.lovemore.com/conferences/polyliving/pleindex.php

...and/or at Atlanta Poly Weekend March 25-27:
http://www.atlantapolyweekend.com/

(Crossposted)

Anonymous questions from blog and Brian

These are questions that were from an anonymous person on the blog and from Brian from Halifax.

Anonymous asked:

Now that you have been married a while and with baby #3 on the way, how has your love changed (if at all) towards Steve and your sister wives?

It is almost two years since I got married and things have changed a lot. The big thing is that I do love Steve and Christie and Macy. At first there was no way to say that because I didn't really know them and for a while I think I was even a little afraid of Steve. Once I was pregnant I really got to see how everyone could be and it was easy to start loving them.

Is this the life you imagined for yourself and how has it changed you being poly.

On the first part yes and no. I mean I came in to this with a fantasy and not thinking things all the way through and then I had to deal with reality like a husband is also a man, babies need a LOT of love and care, a home is a full time job, the world is not all about me, and the love you get is equal to the love you give. (My favorite line from a Beatles song!)

The second part is I think I was poly coming in to this and now I am just a part of a family. You don't really think of the poly thing a lot every day and the times when the poly thing is a big deal just don't happen that much. I mean most of the time being poly is just being in a big family and doing chores and cooking and talking to each other and stuff like that.

Brian from Halifax asked:

So how many kids do you want?

I want four or five but reality is I will probably have maybe six or seven. Who knows? Doing things one day at a time is the best way to do anything and that is what I am doing.

Alice's Questions

How is the quilting coming along?

Pretty good. I finished a quilt with chickens for my bed and then did another with US flags on it for Steve's Christmas present and it was fun! I do it when I am watching TV or just sitting and talking and it keeps my hands busy. I never got why some people do it but it is relaxing and sort of addictive so I get it now.

How are you feeling with this pregnancy? Are you extra tired?

I'm doing better than with the first one. This is soooooo much easier just having one baby! I get tired but not too bad.

You haven't shared recently on the blog about what your little ones are doing now. Are they getting around well on their own? Do they have any words or specially little cute actions that make you smile? You had said that you were going to have to start out sleeping together. Are they still sleeping together.

I got turned off talking about them because of some of the hate mail I get. Just figured why share something nice when some assmonkey will try to make something bad out of it? The girls are doing fine and Patty is still ahead of Laura. Laura is still the quiet one and she's a mommy's girl and Patty just loves everyone. It's pretty cool to see them so different already. They sleep together and it's funny that Patty fusses if she isn't put down with Laura so we keep them together.

Oh...how are the chickens doing? I'm curious, about how many eggs are you getting each day right now? How does that number compare to what you got during the Summer?

The chickens are doing really good. My big surprise was finding a hen with eight chicks in the wood pile outside the barn. It is freaking COLD out so it was a miracle she kept them all going. They're all inside now with the other birds. I get about five dozen eggs a day now and I sell them to one restaurant now in town for $5 a dozen. That sounds like a lot until you figure gas and all and the restaurant likes the eggs because around here most eggs come from like Kansas and you just get the white ones.

Lydia's Questions

Lydia (who says she is 18 and poly-curious) emailed me some personal questions and I decided to put the answers here after I emailed back to her.

How do you feel after almost two years of marriage? Do you think this is permanant for you?

I feel happier than I did before, that is for sure! At first it was not easy but some of that was me adjusting to not having all the drama going on. When you're used to fighting all the time and then it stops it takes a while before you're not ready for a fight all the time. Yes, it is permanent. There's no going back on motherhood and I love Steve and Christie and Macy and would never want to be away from them.

How do you feel about sex now? Are you still scared?

I am much more comfortable with sex now and most of that is because I know Steve and I love him now. I love being with him and thinking about having babies for him is beyond words for me! Every time he is with me he is telling me he wants to have children with me and it makes me feel so loved and so important. It is also easy to forget being scared when the sex is really good!

...do you think you will have a fourth wife in the house?

Not that I can imagine. Money is really tight and being away from California has cost us more money in some ways so I don't see that happening. I won't say 'never' because I know better but I will say not now and not any time soon.

Do you want your girls to be poly?

I want my girls to be happy. Whatever that means for them is fine with me.

What do you do for hobbies and for yourself?

I cook a lot and I am quilting too and that is fun. And taking care of the family is also something I love to do and I enjoy it so it is kind of a hobby. It is a lot of hard work around here but it is not like it is a job with a boss telling you what to do. You just see things that need doing and you do them.

still getting hate mail and perverted mail?

Not so much. I had one last month and it was not so bad. Marcus and a few other people chat with me on IM when I have the time and we do chat about personal things and I don't mind because it is sometimes nice to have someone to chat with about that kind of stuff. I wish I had more time for the computer because I miss friends like Fay, Thia, Carlton, and especially Erica.

Edward's question

Suppose I (and my wife) decided after much prayer and discussion that our family would be better with another wife in the picture. We don't live in a state with any noticeable population of polygamous households. How or where do we find like-minded people to even discuss courtships or that sort of thing?

Hi, Edward

I found my family on the Sac-Poly Yahoo group and there are a lot of other sites where you can meet poly-minded people or just chat with them. I am not an expert on poly so I don't want to really say what sites to go to but maybe the people who read my blog have some sites they like and will share?

I liked what you said with: We don't live in a state with any noticeable population of polygamous households.

That because it is probably not true! I had no idea that California had a LOT of poly people until I started looking. Most of the poly people I ran into were not religious or are pagan (their words, not mine) but then some are religious and they really keep it all on the downlow so you don't know they are there. We used to live near Roseville, California and almost none of our neighbors knew we were a poly family.

The Fundamentalist LDS people are in a few states but then I get email from some of them who live in states I don't think most people know about. I won't say where to protect their privacy.

One bit of advice if you want to be left alone is don't call your 2nd wife your wife anywhere in public. She can be a friend who lives with you, your mistress, you can even say she is an ex-wife and no one will ever care. In my house I just say I live here is all and that's all people ask.

Poly is not easy for some people but if your wife is 100% in favor of it I think it is beautiful. You get to have a best friend in the house who knows everything. That is the other thing, if you have any secrets and want to keep them then poly is not for you. Like with us there are three women who really know Steve and we talk and when something is up one of us notices something, another noticed something else, the third noticed something more, and then we talk and put it all together.

I will keep you in my prayers that no matter what you decide to do it is the right thing for you both!

Megan

Okay, it is freaking cold!

The snow is mostly six feet deep around here and it's in drifts that are like sand dunes in a way. It's beautiful but not when you have things to do.

I don't know why, but I am just not thinking about a lot to write lately. Maybe it is motivation? Maybe I'm a little bored. Every day is more or less the same since Christmas so it is not like it is all that exciting.

I am always good with questions and I don't mind if anyone wants to post just random thoughts about stuff like global warming...HAH!!!!

Here's a prayer that you all have a wonderful 2011!

TTYL