I was on IM with a friend last night and we were discussing why I did poly and my feelings with my father dying and all. I've always said that part of the thing for me was having other women around but last night it came out of me that the big reason poly appeals to me over a traditional relationship of husband & wife is because I am afraid to be alone with a man.
Steve is wonderful and I love him for himself and two years into this I could live alone with him and the babies if I had to. But I don't think I'd want to. Maybe that's part of why the jealousy thing is not that big a deal for me?
Having Christie and Macy (and Shari) to lean on and have as friends and family in the house has been very important to me. Without Christie to talk to I may have left early on and not because of anything Steve did, but just because of lingering fears in me.
My friend on IM says this was the best decision I could have made for myself and I questioned that quite a bit. But as I think about it, this was the best thing for me. I needed a situation that allowed me to be happy as a mom and to feel love and that allowed me to grow into being a wife with a healthier feeling about affection.
Is it for everyone? Of course not. But it is for me.