Saturday, January 15, 2011

Lydia's Questions

Lydia (who says she is 18 and poly-curious) emailed me some personal questions and I decided to put the answers here after I emailed back to her.

How do you feel after almost two years of marriage? Do you think this is permanant for you?

I feel happier than I did before, that is for sure! At first it was not easy but some of that was me adjusting to not having all the drama going on. When you're used to fighting all the time and then it stops it takes a while before you're not ready for a fight all the time. Yes, it is permanent. There's no going back on motherhood and I love Steve and Christie and Macy and would never want to be away from them.

How do you feel about sex now? Are you still scared?

I am much more comfortable with sex now and most of that is because I know Steve and I love him now. I love being with him and thinking about having babies for him is beyond words for me! Every time he is with me he is telling me he wants to have children with me and it makes me feel so loved and so important. It is also easy to forget being scared when the sex is really good! you think you will have a fourth wife in the house?

Not that I can imagine. Money is really tight and being away from California has cost us more money in some ways so I don't see that happening. I won't say 'never' because I know better but I will say not now and not any time soon.

Do you want your girls to be poly?

I want my girls to be happy. Whatever that means for them is fine with me.

What do you do for hobbies and for yourself?

I cook a lot and I am quilting too and that is fun. And taking care of the family is also something I love to do and I enjoy it so it is kind of a hobby. It is a lot of hard work around here but it is not like it is a job with a boss telling you what to do. You just see things that need doing and you do them.

still getting hate mail and perverted mail?

Not so much. I had one last month and it was not so bad. Marcus and a few other people chat with me on IM when I have the time and we do chat about personal things and I don't mind because it is sometimes nice to have someone to chat with about that kind of stuff. I wish I had more time for the computer because I miss friends like Fay, Thia, Carlton, and especially Erica.


  1. Hi Megan,

    I have really been fascinated by your journey and all the concerns I had about polygamous lifestyles do not appear to be the case in your community. The women and children have freedom of choice and equal rights and protection within your community, as, sadly, demonstrated by Shari leaving. Her decision to leave was honored and handled quickly and with minimal drama. Moreover, she was given what was agreed to as her fair share financially from the marriage. This event really drove home for me the point about why some people are against polygamy; it's not the lifestyle, its the abuse of women and children. It happens in some polygamous communities but NOT in yours.

    After all this I guess my question is; does your community feel a responsibility to denounce groups where the women and children in a polygamous household have no rights, and are considered "property" of the church? Truely, I believe this is at the heart of the controversy. If more polygamous communities would speak out against those that abuse, then I believe the lifestyle would not be seen as the problem, it would pinpoint the abuse and corruption of that lifestyle, as the problem. I wonder if you have any thoughts and what your pastor says on the subject.

    Thanks a lot,

  2. I asked. One of the older men told me that our church does not "throw down judgment" but at the same time we don't accept injustice. Most of the women who come to the church from outside are coming here for sanctuary from something. I did. So the church does things about injustice and does its best to support the law but then doesn't condemn anyone or any group because there are always good people in any group. Like the FLDS get a lot of crap but all the FLDS people I know from online seem just fine. Maybe there is abuse, but there is abuse everywhere and it doesn't mean they are all bad. We have problems too. Macy was abused in her first marriage and the church kicked those people out because of it. But the thing with the church is they take care of you when they find out you need help. It is also nice to know you can leave if you want and no one hassles you or tries to make you stay.

  3. Megan,

    I agree. Abuse happens everywhere. People who have not seen that first hand are not so willing to believe it or acknowledge it's prevalence, but abuse isn't something that has been pushed to the fringes of society.

    It might be easier for the general public to distance itself from the face of abuse, but if people really wanted to make a stand then abuse wouldn't be such a huge problem with "regular" people in seemingly "normal" families. Blaming someone far removed is easier, but it isn't really affective if we really want the abuse to stop.

    There are good people and bad people in all places in all groups. There are good polygamist and good monogamist and also bad. There are good and bad rich people and poor people. We can't make blanket statements about people. It just isn't true.

    I try to leave the judging up to those who are up to the task (God and judges.) That said, I will always do whatever I can to prevent abuse and see justice. ALWAYS.

    I miss talking to you too! I have gotten busy lately too, but it is good to see a blog post from you.

    Best wishes.