Tuesday, June 30, 2009

About the dresses

I'm just taking a sec to answer BN's question. The church is really into women looking like women and the different familes all make their own rules about that. Shari is really into the dresses and we all go along with it when she is home and she is okay with us doing our own thing when she is not. The shorts and tank tops is mostly about the heat and just trying to be more comfy than with a dress on. We don't wear boys clothes and we don't wear denim shorts which is a big deal for some reason but we do wear tank tops and girly looking shorts so we still look like girls. Pastor Jeff came over when everyone was gone for Patty's funeral and he had no problem with me and Christie wearing shorts and tanks so I iknow it is okay with the church. I know Steve likes it because I know Steve likes it! (-:

The basic rule seems to be you have to look like a girl is all. Shari likes the dresses partly because keeping covered prevents skin cancer which runs in her family and mine too so it is not bad advice just for safety. I can get really bad sunburns so I mostly swim at night or after the sun goes down like it will in a hour.

And it is cooler today so the chickens are all doing good.

Laughing little girls, bare feet on cool tile, and a cool breeze in the window just before sunrise.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Full throttle love.

It's just after 5am right now and Steve is already out the door to work. Everyone else is asleep still so that gives me some quiet time and here I am.

My friend Erica was asked where Jesus was in her life and that made me think about it too. Where is Jesus in my life? I am sorry to say but I have not written about Jesus or faith or really been a good Christian in any of the blogs I wrote. I am still between this new world of mine and my old world when it comes to faith. The presence of Jesus is pretty clear and if you could be I hope here you would see it too. The way the church family came together when Shari's mom died and the way they came to support Christie when she lost her baby was so unreal to me. One of the men in the church calls it 'full throttle love' and that is three words which describe this but then fall so short of everything that they mean.

You have to stop and think about this and then you get it that this life and these people are so much different and (I will say it) so much better than anyone I have ever known because they are Christians and they really, really believe in Jesus. It shows up with Steve who cares about me in so many little ways that so many husbands never seem to care for their wives. He does some very special things for me becuase he loves me and because he is different from every other man or boy I knew before this. Steve is a Christian. I guess I forgot to stop and think that faith and Jesus are very real here and very real to the people I know.

In this way Jesus is everywhere in my life now. I am still learning about faith and the Bible and it is weird to stop and think that here I am getting all of the good things from Christianity and I am barely giving anything back.

Erica always gives me a lot to think about and today I know I will be thinking about this.

It was 113 here yesterday and the chickens had to come in the house and we put them in the basement until about 10pm last night. This morning I got up and went out and started the ac to keep them cool today before I got Steve's breakfast going. Shari was supposed to come home tonight from Wyoming but she called last night and is going to stay there until Thursday. I hate to say this but when Shari is not here and it is hot the dresses get put away and the shorts and tanks come out. I like the dresses but sometimes it is nice to not have to wear them.

Christie is acting pretty normal again and it is nice to see her back. I know the loss of the baby still bothers her a lot but I missed her being the happy person she is. Stevie's fiance was over her yesterday and it was kind of nice to see him. He is cute and smart and I can see why Stevie loves him. They will be a really cute couple and they will have pretty kids.

5:30 am and time to go water and feed the animals.

Pancakes, fog, and a shared blanket.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Summer heat

It's supposed to be 102 here today and so I got the a/c on early for the chickens to keep them cool. It was very hot last night and there was no breeze so it ended up being a good night to be swimming. Emmy had me up at 1am and after I got her diaper and bottle done I went for a swim. Lauren was up too and she came down to go swimming with me and we had a nice time. It must have been around 3am before we got to bed.

Christie is doing a lot better and she went shopping at Costco yesterday after she went to the mall to get a new dress. She didn't mention the baby all day long yesterday and maybe that is a good thing for right now so she can let herself heal. Thursday night she and I talked late and she told me it was okay with her if I was to be with Steve and let nature take its course because she is not much in the mood to be with Steve right now anyway.

Shari is gone to Wyoming to visit her sister for a couple days. Her sister was in to the hospital for a knee surgery and Shari just wants to go see her and help take care of her for a couple days. Shari's sister is married with kids but they have no sisterwives so that's part of why Shari wanted to go help her out. Shari will be back on Tuesday so I get to have Steve to myself and I really think I want that right now so it all works out pretty good.

I was chatting with Erica this week and we we're chatting girl stuff and it got me thinking how much I have changed being here. Who I used to be seems so far away now. I didn't even know Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett had died until Erica told me because we don't watch TV here all the time. It use to be that I had to have the TV on whenever I was home even if I wasn't watching it and now the noise from it is kind of upsetting. Especially the commercials which get so loud anymore. The world seems so far away from here that this is like a little paradise but with a swimming pool and brown grass!

The dresses are being put away for the day and we're doing shorts and tanks because of the heat. I hate to say this but when Shari is not here the dresses usually get put away especially if it is hot. Christie bought shorts and tanks for the girls and they will be doing the same thing today. Its like we are having a summer party in a way! We will just stay out of the sun and stay inside and maybe go out later. We still had to do the chores today and get the water filled up for the cattle, sheep, and horses. Around 2pm we will have to go check on them all to make sure they are all okay in the heat.

When I had my girl chat with Erica I realized that when I came here at first I was very nervous about being with Steve and now three months later I love being with him. I get chills sometimes when he touches me. I once posted on another board how I felt like I actually hurt because I wanted a baby so bad and now sometimes it is like it hurts not to feel Steve with me. I guess this is the hard part of poly because I would love to have him to myself every night. His joke with me is to ask me sometimes if I want a 'cigarette' to help me relax and it seems like as soon as he is with me I do relax. It is so different from being nervous and even afraid of him to wanting him so much it makes me anxious and then it can be a relief to be with him.

I have not said a lot about Steve here because it was distracting with the drama on here a couple weeks ago but there are things to say. I know he loves me and I mean like he smiles when he sees me and he loves to just hold me and he brings me little presents and sometimes when he is worried about his work I can kiss him and make him forget about it all. I knew he loved me at first but that was more like he loved me as family and now he loves me romantically and it has made things so much better! I wish he was home today but he has to be at a paving job today and won't be back until late because they have to do the whole job today.

I wrote some stuff on here that was all silly and mushy and then had to delete it but I guess I should be honest that Steve makes me feel silly and mushy. (-:

It will be nice when he gets home.

A new email friend of mine ends her letters with nice things and I hope she does not mind but I think I will do the same thing.

Blueberry ice cream, a shady spot, and lots of love!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

June 24, 2009

The most important thing going on right now is Christie doing better with things. She is really depressed about the loss of the baby and we had a memorial service for the baby yesterday and Pastor Jeff said prayers for the baby that we are calling Robert. Christie felt that the baby needed to have a name so we would all remember him. We don't really know if it was a boy but Christie says she felt he was a boy so we are all just saying he was a boy. I can't even begin to say how wonderful the church families have been to Christie in all this. There has been a lot of food given to us and it really did help because no one really cared to keep up with the routine since this happened.

I could keep writing about all of the stuff to do with Christie losing the baby but it really is just all so sad and that really says everything that needs to be said. It is just so sad.

Please forgive me for changing the subject. Thanks.

During my break from writing I lost one of my chickens in the heat but then cool weather came along and all the rest are doing fine. So I have 99 chickens now. It's been hot the last two days so the air conditioner in their coop has been on to keep it around 80 in there. It is under a tree so it is not so hard to keep it cool.

The hot weather means it is swimming time again and even Christie has been out swimming. I try to just cool off during the day and then I do a lot of swimming at night after the sun goes down. It is also hard to get away from chores during the day so swimming at night is kind of my fun time. What is nice sometimes is getting up late at night and swimming and seeing all the stars. I never saw so many stars living in the city and it is like being in the scene at the end of Titanic being in the water and seeing so many stars.

I'm not pregnant and this time I am happy that I am not because it just would be so hard to be happy about it with Christie losing her baby. It will happen in time but I am thankful that it is not this time.

Macy the girl I wrote about visiting a couple families is moving out here July 2 or 3 and will be living with a couple who can't have any kids. She will be with them for a few weeks to see what she thinks and then maybe marry into their family. I am looking forward to having a new friend near by because the couple lives on the other side of the lake near here.

It is near 100 right now and a breeze is starting up so it should cool off soon. I'm going to go check on the chickens and then make sure the horses have water and then it will be swim time by about 7pm. I should check email too. Have a nice night everyone!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Sad news

On Wednesday night Christie lost her baby. She had been having some cramping in the morning and said it was probably just something with the baby and then around 4pm it got worse and she asked us to get her to the hospital. When we got there the doctors said she was in the middle of a miscarriage and that it was too late to do anything except take care of Christie. They ended up doing a small surgery to her on Thursday and then she was able to come home last night.

She is doing fine and says she is okay but it has to hurt her to lose the baby. The doctors want her to wait at least three months before she tries again and then they want her not to be breastfeeding because they think the hormones didn't help with the pregnancy. If anyone wants to pray on this that would be really wonderful.

The problems with this blog just don't seem so important now. I decided to keep on writing and I am just going to have to try to ignore some of the things that get posted on here. I will not answer every single question anymore just because I don't have to.

One thing I did get out of this is why the families in our church mostly cut themselves off from the world and why they don't have TV and radio and computers in most of their homes. It seems a lot of people are just convinced that there is no way anyone can be happy being Christian and living a simple life and it is best to just not even try to reach some of them. When someone comes to read this blog and they already decided that I have to be miserable then there is no way they will ever believe that I am happy and I am never going to try to convince anyone different.

I think that is what was getting to me last week was that some people were reading this and wanting to prove how awful my life must be so they think that they have to go over everything I write as if they were on 'CSI' and trying to convict me of a crime. That is how I felt from all that. I am not trying to defend myself here I am just writing and I don't want to have to worry that every little detail will be examined to see if I can be convicted of something.

Someone said I was inconsistent. I am. Deal with it, okay? Just cause I say something one day does not mean that is what I will say another day. Things I thought I knew one day are changed when I learn something that changes what I knew and then I will say something different. This happens a lot so get use to it cause I have to get use to it too.

So I am just going to write. If you want to read it that is up to you.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Unreal.

I am so sick of explaining things. After this post I am taking a break from this for a while. It isn't fun anymore.

I called the bathtub a 'jacuzzi' just as a name. It is a custom made Kohler K-1158 since we have so many frickin' plumbers reading my blog. I'm taking the pictures down and won't be posting anymore pictures ever again. It is too much hassle. Edit: I took down that whole post.

We have problems and like I said before they are NOTHING to me compared to my old problems. I also said that I like being here because no one yells and there are no fights. I still can't believe how nice this is so anyone who can't believe it is right behind me not believeing it.

One of my friends from here has a private blog and now I see why she did that. Maybe that is what I will do if I come back to this.

Donald, I just saw the comment you wrote on my last post. Thank you.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Clearing up MORE stuff!

Okay, I said "I'll tell you where to go..." and put a smile after it. The smile means it was meant to be funny or at least not so serious. I really hope that doesn't need more explaining. I'm not pouting or having a tantrum I'm just saying that I am going to write what I want and no one has to read it.

Yeah the names thing was confusing and especially to ME!!! (and here's that smile thing again!)


(-:


Here is everyone.

Steve (44) is Shari's (39) legal husband and when I first met them THEY made a joke and I thought they were the same age for like three months! Stevie/Stephanie (16), Lauren (14), and Hannah (11) are their daughters. Patty was Shari's mom.


Christie (29) is Steve's second wife. Eric (18 months) and Emmy/Emily (3 months) are her son and daughter.

Megan (18) is me. I have 100 chickens. Here it comes....wait for it.... (-:

It's Friday night so I want to go be with everyone and that is all I am writing tonight. I will have some me time tomorrow morning so I might write some more then. Have a nice weekend everyone and don't take me so seriously m'kay? Cause I don't.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Clearing up some things.

There was a question about Macy and I guess I was confusing about that. Macy just visited with my family but is not looking to join us and we are not looking to add anyone. She visited with one family and then wanted to just come see me and have some time with me and then she went to stay with another family. I am pretty sure she will be joining one of the families because she really, really liked everything. She had a very good time at the church meeting and she was raised in a pentecostal family so a lot of what our church does is pretty okay with her and she likes that we do not do a lot of the things that the pentecostal churches do.

Steve is my husband. Stevie is his and Shari's daughter and her real name is Stephanie. I can see how that is confusing because it was for me too. Stevie is engaged to her boyfriend who just bought the house where we had our church meeting last Sunday. Her fiance has a pretty unique name so I won't post it here.

On an earlier post I said somethings about Muslims and what I meant is that those things were about Muslims I know in person or in email. I don't mean to say that all Muslims do or say or believe anything because I only know the Muslims I actually know. Some people posted some stuff saying that I am not suppose to talk about Muslims if I don't know something and that really pissed me off so I took some time before I decided to write back about it.

I will write anything I want. No one is forced to read what I write and no one will tell me what I can or can't write. I don't mind comments but don't anyone think you can tell me what to do. I have had enough of that in my life and it all ended when I turned 18.

If anyone wants to correct me on stuff or ask me something or maybe even post some good information about something I might be wrong on that is fine with me. Just don't tell me what to do or I will tell you where to go and what to do with yourself when you get there. (-:

Happy Thoughts:

I got to try my new bathtub yesterday and it was dreamy! It was so nice to be deep in the water and just have my head out. I tried the jacuzzi thing and it was nice and not too noisy but it was nicer to just sit in the quiet water. Shari tried it after me and she said it was wonderful! Christie paid for it and can't use it until after her baby comes and she said that was okay.

My first night in my room was nice and I have not really been alone because I have been taking care of Eric or Emmy every night. Lauren wanted to sleep with me last night in the new bed and so I said okay and that was pretty good because she did Emmy's diapers and bottle last night and let me sleep and that was great! I have been up a LOT this week with Emmy especially just because she isn't sleeping all through the night yet.

The chickens are almost all feathers now and most have some down on their heads still. Every one of them is doing fine and I am very thankful for that. It has been nice that we have not had any hot weather really so they have not been stressed. I think I said we moved them out to the coop because the basement was getting kind of smelly and they seem to be happier out there. Steve says we might have to fence in a larger area for them as they get bigger.

My culinary classes start in August and I will be doing them four days a week. You do one subject at a time for two or three weeks and then move on to the next one so it does not look like it will be boring. A set of pans and knives is part of the class and I get to keep them when I am done and it will be nice to have my very own kitchen things. Steve is going to let me use a company pick up truck for going to school so we won't have to get me a car or make someone drive me to school all the time.

I guess I don't know what else to write about right now so that is all for today!

Friday, June 5, 2009

A lot of responsibility

Tonight the girl visiting from the east coast will come stay with us for two nights so she can meet me and get to see my family. Her name is Macy. Pastor Jeff is emailing with another girl from near Santa Rosa who might visit with a family sometime and then I got another email today from another girl who is interested.

More important is one of my closest online friends wrote me the most beautiful letter I think I ever read and it made me cry. She told me how what I wrote made her look at her life and look and see how she had two lives she was trying to live and that she had her eyes opened by what I wrote. I won't say more than that to respect her privacy. If she wants to post it on the comments here and share it I am okay with it. I have very special feelings for her and I think I can see us being friends in real life for the rest of our lives. I hope so. (-:

I never expected my words here to be so important that they were changing lives for other people but I can see they have. I am really struggling with this because I never saw myself doing anything really important in my life and now it seems like God has plans for me and I feel like Moses saying are you sure you really want me to do this?

Pastor Jeff called me last night and said we have to be very careful about attracting too much attention because too much attention means sooner or later we will have police and social workers coming after us. I have had enough of my life made into Hell by social workers and I think I would not be a good Christian if one of them tried to ruin this family on me when I am happier than I have ever been.

I don't know what to do with all of this but I will pray and think on it I know for a good long time.

Okay and now something happier to write about:

We have had thunder and lightning and the worst was on Wednesday night. I am NOT joking when I say you could go outside at 3am and not need a light! There was so much lightning it was almost bright all the time. We had a tree hit and you can see the burn all the way down the tree into the ground. Christie was out there yesterday and was digging up in the ground and the lightning made like a glass pipe in the ground that she cleaned up and put on her wall! It really looks pretty cool and has a lot of colors and rocks in it.

The chicken coop lost the skylight to the wind when it blew off and Steve is getting me a new one today. The chicks were all inside when the storm hit so they are all okay. They are all growing so fast! We bought another bag of feed for them and I am paying for that with my money so it might end up to cost me $24 each week for feed when they are bigger.

The addition to the house is almost done and I might get to move into my new room next week sometime. Christie is decorating the room for me and says it will be like Extreme Home Makeover and she will make it a surprise for me! I am really looking forward to my own room and especially my own bathroom! YAY!!!

On Sunday we will be having the church meeting at the new place Stevie's fiance bought. I have not been there yet but it is supposed to be a nice house with some land around it he bought from our bank after they foreclosed on it. It is supposed to be really pretty inside and I can't wait to see it!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Birth Control and Abortion

I dropped a bomb with this one. I didn't mean to.

Erica, I love you as my friend but I never said all lesbians are abortionists. I said someone pointed out all the lesbians who were into pro-choice and all. It is true and it was proved to me by going to pages for NOW and some other pro-choice and LGBT groups. It just seems weird that lesbians are so into these things.

When I chose this life I write about I chose to leave the crazy world behind me. Some of the people in the church say we live in the world but we are not of the world. We live a different life from most people. We have different ideas.

I know what living in the world is like and I HATED it. I am not someone who was raised this way I wanted to be here because I can't stand the life I came from.

Back on February 24 I wrote about all the things I left behind because that life was so meaningless. I was so miserable with it all and now I am here and it is like I live on a different planet from so many people anymore. I don't have a cell phone and I don't text anyone. I don't buy so many things like I used to. My allowance here is $500 per month and in four months I have only spent about $200 of it. I don't need anything. I don't want anything.

I'm really happy. I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life. This is not perfect but I have little problems now instead of so many big problems.

My experience with things like not using birth control is my experience. Other people can do what they want to do and I want to do this. It is my choice. I am not saying anyone else should do this and I am not saying to ban anything. I am saying those things come with a price. My life comes with a price too and I know that.

In my old life the way it was suppose to be was I would go to college and then get a job and maybe get married someday and maybe have a baby when I was 30 and then have to keep working and leave my baby at daycare five days a week and worry about paying credit cards and for a house and car payments and have to work with bad bosses and have to not complain or lose my job.

I was so depressed thinking about what my future was suppose to be like I really did not want to live sometimes. I used to read about people with old fashion lives and I knew it was hard for them but they were happy and they had control of their lives. I wanted that too!

I know it makes no sense to people who don't get it but I gave up trying to control my life when I came here and now I am happier than ever and I really have more control of my life than I ever did before.

I am choosing this life.

The price I pay is I gave up everything I hated anyway and I am living the way I wanted to anyway.

I get up at 5:30 most mornings to make breakfast and do chores. Then I stay home all day and take care of babies, talk with my sisterwives, cook dinner, and then have a nice night almost everynight.

I don't worry about college, a career, comutting to work, traffic jams, shitty jobs and shitty bosses, and when I have a baby the last thing I will worry about is who is taking care of him for me.

The price is I give up the world and birth control and abortion which I never wanted anyway. Someone asked what happens if I have five kids and maybe I will have ten kids. That is my choice. I would love to have a big family if I can. Right now I don't know if I can even have one baby so I am not so worried about five or ten.

All of this stuff I had to go through with my mom and some of my old friends when I came here. My friend Carmen said that what upsets people the most about the way I want to live is that I am condeming the way everyone else lives by not living the way they do and haveing the same values they do.

I don't think I am condeming anyone but I don't want what everyone else wants.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Erica's questions

I'm up late with Emmy so I am checking my blog and Erica had two questions:


What about if you get pregnant? Will you still go to school?


For question #1 I hope so! And for question #2 I would go to school if I were pregnant just like anyone else would.

ChristianFundyMom said somethings about birth control being a big deal in poly families and it is! I can see how some people see it as a control thing but that is only if they want to be able to have sex and not have babies or if they are not sure of their husband or boyfriend being there for them. After talking to people in the church it was pointed out to me that an awful lot of women who get angry about birth control and abortion are lesbians who really just have problems with men. The first time someone said this to me I was like OMG! I can't believe they said that! And then after they took the time to point out all the lesbians who have been in the women's rights movement that pushed for abortion and birth control I had to agree that it was just plain true.
Religious poly families (Christian, Mormon, Muslim, pagan) all seem to not want birth control for about the same reasons and I wrote about those before but mostly it makes sex something kind of cheap and easy and then the sex loses something. Christie told me some of her life before she met Steve and Shari and she said that the sex she used to have was cold because it was safe sex and the couple times she did it unsafe were the best for her.
I didn't get her thing with getting pregnant until a few weeks ago when I was with Steve one night and he asked me how it felt to know I might be getting pregnant with his baby. It really felt so special to be with him knowing he wanted to be there for me and that he loved me so much he wanted a baby with me. I don't think a woman can feel closer to a man than when she is with him and making a baby with him. It really is making love because your love makes a baby to love and who can love you back.

I know there are a lot of reasons why not to want birth control but I think this is the best one is that you miss this amazing feeling of love with each other when it is just about having an orgasm.