Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I'm not pregnant. My period came a little early but it's there so there is no baby news for now. I'm a little sad about that. I'm really looking forward to being a mom someday soon.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I guess I have to say a few things.
I don't mind the questions about finances because it is a good thing to ask. Some poly people use welfare to pay for their way and that is wrong. We don't do that.
When I started this blog I made it adult so I could write about sex when I wanted to. Maybe sex is no big deal to some of you but it is to me. Knowing that I am physically connected to my sisterwives by our husband is/was a shock and it made me look at them differently. I know it sounds stupid but I didn't think of them being with Steve I was only really thinking of me being with Steve. It's also that I see them everyday as Shari being so sweet and Christie being my friend and so smart and then to know how they are with Steve made me look at them differently. I talked about this with all of them and we will move on. It's not like this changed my mind or gave me doubts it was just so different for me. After thinking about it a lot I feel closer to Shari and Christie now because we share so much and because all of our children will be connected for the rest of their lives.
I will probably write more about sex in the future and I don't mind the questions because I learn things just from what other people ask me. Sometimes the questions people ask me are answers I have been looking for. If there ever is anything I don't like I will just ignore it.
With the baby factory thing Marcus was right that I was a hypocrite about that. Babies were part of what everyone wanted and we all agreed on that. What really matters now is all the love I get to be blessed with being a part of this family. Being here now I can't imagine why it is impossible for some women to want this too. I think of how much I am loved almost every minute anymore and I wish I could bottle this up and share it with everyone! It is the most wonderful thing in the world to have so much love like this!
The big news right now is that Shari's mom fell down yesterday and broke her pelvis. She went to the hospital and they did surgery and so Shari, Steve, and the girls all went up to see her. They have not called us yet to say what is going on but we should hear from them soon. Me and Christie stayed home to watch things and then Christie wants time with her babies today. I am worried for Shari and her mom but now I have some free time that I am enjoying and it is kind of nice to be in the house and it is quiet with no lunches to make or big chores to do right now.
The weather here is a lot cooler and that made me happier. It is even a little cloudy. When I get done here I will take a swim and it will be fun to have the pool to myself and then just lay out a while.
I'm not going to write much more for now. Maybe I will write more later.
Monday, April 20, 2009
I'm not looking for answers but these things are just on my mind so I am posting them.
1. A pen pal asked me about if I was just expected to be a baby factory because she is interested in poly and the families she contacts all want to know if she will have babies? While I told her that I know some poly families ask this just to sort out the curious women from the serious women it did leave me with questions. I asked Shari if I would have been accepted here if I said I didn't want children and she said that my being open to having kids was a big reason why they decided to accept me. I wanted that anyway but knowing that part of why I am here is to have kids has left me with thoughts I can't explain. It's not like I regret it and it's not like it makes any difference but I guess I wanted to be loved 100% for me and not just for me being a mom. I'm still very much looking forward to being a mom and I know I am so seriously loved but now I wonder if it is about me or not?
2. A couple nights ago I was up late with the baby and on the computer and in the middle of things I got to hear Christie moaning as Steve was doing you know what with her in the next room. Its been one thing to know he is with Christie and Shari and it is another to know it. The next time he was with me after that all I could think of was that his thing had been inside Christie the night before and that he had been making her happy the same way he does with me. And then I know that he does it with Shari and I guess the reality of exactly how the three of us share him just really hit me. I mean I know I knew this all along but it wasnt on my mind as something so real. I don't know why but now I'm just stuck on this in my head now. I guess I never really thought about the sex part and that the part of Steve that is in me sometimes has also been inside Christie and Shari.
3. I talked about my problem in #2 with Christie and she was embarassed that I had heard her and then she was very open talking about it with me. It's not like I am revolted or anything but it's just having an epiphany* about things that changed the way I look at Steve, Shari, and Christie. I guess I never thought of the reality that they make love too. Christie says the word 'confess' a lot and she told me that she thinks it is a little erotic that we are connected by Steve. She says its not like she is gay or anything but that it is a connection we share and it makes her feel closer to me and more comfortable with me. She also says that when she thinks about Steve and me or Shari together it gets her going.
So I guess the whole weirdness for me right now is that I was thinking of Shari and Christie as my sisters and as moms and suddenly seeing them as being sexual is a big adjustment. Like how some kids freak when they catch their parents having sex, you know? It is one thing to know and reason that your parents do it but to catch them and see them as being sexual is a big adjustment.
I am still sorting out how I feel about it. It's not bad or anything I just need to deal is all.
The weather here is HOT. It sucks. We went swimming today and it was wonderful to be in the water and get out of the heat. Christie took Emmy in the pool for the first time and freaked me out when she let go of Emmy and Emmy just started swimming. Christie said swimming is an instinct and all babies know how to do it and that we teach them to be afraid of the water and her kids won't be afraid of the water. Eric swims too.
We did Subway sandwiches for dinner so I didn't have after dinner chores to do. Yay! It was nice not heating up the kitchen. And with Christie getting done with taxes she is doing breakfast somedays so I can sleep in and that has been so good! It is so amazing to get up at 7am instead of 5am for a change.
I got my tax refund for $185.00 and I should have another coming soon. I'm buying Mother's Day presents and a Father's Day present tomorrow at the mall. I am really pumped about my first Mother's Day here and it will be cool to do Father's Day for the first time in a long time and care about it.
Steve is talking about a trip somewhere with all of us. The ideas are Disneyland, a cruise, or a week at a cabin in Lake Tahoe and I guess I want the cruise to Alaska. I always wanted to see Alaska. The only real trip I took was going to Aruba with my friends last year and that was more of just watching everyone party than having a real vacation.
That's all for tonight!
* Christie told me the word for what I was dealing with was 'epiphany'.
Friday, April 17, 2009
I had a lot of things to think about between email and comments on the blog tonight. Steve is out of town tonight for business and Shari went with him and right now almost everyone is up late.
Questions are okay but there are a lot of them tonight!
ALM asked a few things and the legal thing is we have a limited liability partnership and the house and some money is in a trust and the members of the llp have rights in the trust so it is all legal and I am very safe. And no one in our church goes on assistance because most everyone watches their money really good and there are not a lot of debts that are okay. Most people even pay cash for their cars and trucks. I am already on Steve's healthcare and it is really good! We have Kaiser and it is a lot better than my mom's old healthcare. Steve's name is on all five birth certificates.
Marcus asked somethings and he is really organized!
1. Do you discuss your sex life with your sisterwives?
Yes but more with Christie than with Shari. Shari is more concerned about me like a mom that I am okay with everything and Christie is more like a sister or a friend and we talk about a lot of private things.
2. Now that you've had almost a month of being married how do you like sex? Is it still new to you or are you very comfortable with the experience?
I like it just fine! I was sore at first and that went away and now it is mostly nice and sometimes pretty wonderful! The part that is hard to get used to is sleeping with someone and sometimes waking up with Steve getting romantic and having to think about where I am. There are somethings that are new like when we do things a way that is new for me and I am comfortable with it because I trust Steve never to hurt me or do anything I don't want.
3. Do you and Steve ever talk about making a baby while you're making love? How does this make you feel?
Steve likes to rub my tummy a lot and will talk about me having a baby when we are alone sometimes and it is hard to explain but the way he does it is so romantic! We were being romantic on Thursday night and he was behind me talking about babies and holding my tummy and that made me want him and it really made me want to be pregnant and get pregnant! He will say things like he wants to see me fill out a dress and it just makes me really interested in having him do that so I guess it makes me feel very very good!
4. You got to see Christie give birth and now you are most certainly looking at doing the same thing some day soon and I'm curious about your thoughts on giving birth and becoming a mother.
It is real scary to think about it like that! The sex and being pregnant are the easy part but the birth and labor and all that is scary and like just a month ago having Steve in me was making me sore and then it is like a BABY is supposed to come out that way??? It is very scary and I decided to worry about it when I have to and just try to enjoy everything right now.
5. I've wondered if you have tried suckling the baby you take care of? Would Christie be opposed to you trying this?
Sometimes Emmy won't do the bottle so Christie is okay with me having her on me and I drip the milk into her mouth. Christie has a book she shared with me saying this was okay and it really makes me feel very close to Emmy and Christie and it is part of the answer to #4 that someday having my own baby suckling me for real makes the scary part of birth seem worth everything.
6. Do any other people in the families in your church write about their lives like you do? If so, can you share their websites?
I am the only one and I have to be careful to keep a lot of things to myself. Like I don't talk much about the other families and I don't put up many pictures. They don't make things secret but they don't want to be on the news so everyone keeps pretty quiet.
7. Have any single girlfriends? :-P
Donald posted a comment I liked.
Megan has taken a risk in joining her new family. Taking risks is part of life! The person who takes no risks isn't really living.
My biggest risk was on my wedding night and I know I have a lot I am sort of gambling with but I have gained so much! I have two wonderful friends and a wonderful loving husband and they took a really big risk trusting me to be part of the family and my two sisterwives took a big risk trusting me with their husband and their children and their home. I know it is only a month but I think I did okay!
In email I have a new friend who wrote about how a lot of poly families have older wives and they seem to want younger wives so they can have more babies. That really describes me and Christie but its okay if that is what you want. She really wrote about a lot of poly people who want to meet new women and some of them are perverts and some just want a once time thing and some want a woman who will have babies.
I dont think it is a bad thing to be with someone who wants you to have babies with them. Christie said that when she married Steve she felt like she was doing something wrong until she got pregnant and then everything changed and she felt a real part of the family and she did not feel like it was temporary anymore. When I came here I wanted a baby and a family but they were just ideas in my head and then I saw Christie give birth to Emmy and the first time Steve made love to me all I was thinking about was me on my back some day being just the same way Christie was and having a baby. Now I think about how much Steve loves me and trusts me to be a great mom to his children and I think like Christie that once I am pregnant it will be easier to settle in and really be a part of the family. And now I love it when Steve is with me and I feel him inside me trying to make a baby and it just makes me feel closer to him and Shari and Christie. I know there is a lot of thought about the sex and I think about it a lot more than before but what some people are missing is that the sex to me isn't just Steve and me mating but Steve and me loving each other and trusting each other. I have never felt so loved in my whole life. It makes me cry sometimes thinking about it. I used to cry because I hurt so much with this hole in my heart and now I cry because the love filled holes in my heart I didn't know I had.
I didn't know how bad things were in my life until everything was so much better. I was used to things being bad and now I am used to them being wonderful.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Since you are not legally recognized as Steve's wife, if something were to happen to him or if he or you decided that you no longer should be a part of the family you have no legal recourse other than child support if you have children with him.
If you go back and read my posts you will see I actually have a lot of rights. Part of being here is I had to meet with the church lawyer and sign somethings that made me a equal partner in everything here so if things came apart I would have some money or if Steve died the other wives could not just kick me out. They would not do that but the church has had problems in other families so they do this to make sure everyone is protected. Being on child support would attract attention from social workers and the church does not want that so there are some strict rules about money and husbands and wives all being equal partners in everything.
The one family that did break up a long time ago this rule made sure the wives and their kids were protected and then those wives ended up joining other familes so they were taken care of. And then like Steve and Shari there parents might move in here someday so we can take care of them and then I have a right to have my mom here someday if I want.
I really do not have anything to worry about.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I would very much like to know about your birth-family. That would show us a picture larger regarding your choice to enter this kind of family.
I don't have a lot of time for a big response right now but here it is.
My father is in prison and he is there for some good reasons. I won't be visiting him anytime soon and that is because he made my life better by leaving it. My mother is okay but she is so into her own problems that she doesnt have anytime for me and hasn't for a long time. We were never a really great family and when my older brother died when he was 14 and I was 9 that killed any chance my family had of being normal. My brother died from smoking pot and then drinking a bottle of vodka. After he died the arguments at home were pretty constant and the best thing I did was to go be with my friends.
I try not to cuss but my family is fucked up. I know I am effed up from all of that too but I tried to not use my bad family as an excuse to fail. I am dyslexic and school will never be a big deal to me and writing takes me forever. Spell check is my friend so I don't ever text much or IM.
Last year when the FLDS people in Texas had their raid and all I started to learn about poly and at the same time I was wanting to be a mom and then a stay at home mom. I don't want to just be at home by myself so poly really attracts me because it is a family with friends in it. I am not Mormon so when I got my computer for Christmas I got on the net and started in on some sites and Christie invited me to come visit her family since I wanted to know about the life. I ended up babysitting for them on Valentines and then they asked me to join them and live here so here I am. And then Steve asked me to marry him after I realized I never wanted to leave. I was not totally in love with him at the time but it made sense and now I love him so much! I love being with him and if you could see him with the girls and the babies and then with Shari and Christie and me you'd see what an awesome man he is. He is all man like Christie and Shari say and he has so much love.
Christie is my closest friend in the house because Shari is more like an older sister to me and Christie tore me up already with what is in my mind and all. I know my family was bad and I wanted something wonderful and then I also wanted to be a mom and a wife and here I get everything I wanted. I know the poly thing is a big deal to a lot of people but we are really just a big family. Most of what happens here is stuff that happens in every other family and is not a big deal. Steve just has three wives. But that is not bad because we all love each other and it is legally not any different than some guy who has a wife and cheats on her with two other women.
Our marriage is not legal and we never tried to make it legal. So we are breaking no laws. This is just what makes us all happy and this is the happiest I have EVER been.
I hope that explains it for you. Sorry about the cussing but the words in red save me a lot of time trying to describe things.
Friday, April 3, 2009
How will all the wives work out their sleeping schedule with Steve once you get into a normal routine?
Shari, Christie, and me sat down and talked and we agreed that we would each have two nights per week with Steve with Friday night being his choice. And when someone is on her period she will give up that time to the other two just to be fair.
Will you have a regular rotation schedule set in stone or will you have a flexible one that allows for fertility cycles?
We did the schedule just to help up plan who will be where but we already are very flexible about it. Christie had her first time with Steve after that baby on Wednesday night and she had Thursday and then Steve will probably have me or Shari with him tonight.
Okay, the week was really busy! Because there isn't enough water for the pasture we had to sell off a lot of the cattle and that meant riding out and getting them in to be picked up and that messed up a lot of the routine at home. Because Steve works that meant I went out with Shari and Stevie and Lauren and Christie stayed home with Hannah, Eric, and Emmy. We brought in the grazers from the ranch land and got them into the pens on Monday and Tuesday and then they were loaded up on Wednesday. After that it was just crazy catching up on chores and all. It is all mostly caught up now except the ironing and I will do that tomorrow.
It has been windy here the last few days and we have some old trees that came down and Steve says he will get to them tomorrow and I am going to go help because he will be blowing up the stumps and he says that can be a lot of fun to do.
In a few weeks we will be starting an addition to the house to add four more bedrooms and a new playroom for the kids. Steve and Christie did most of the talking and planning on this and all I did was just say I want a patio for my new room and they were like "Okay" and said it will be done. Some of the rooms we use for bedrooms right now were not bedrooms when the house was built but were supposed to be a library and upstairs living room and they have no closets so the plan is to stop using them as bedrooms when the addition is done sometime in May or June.
"Katy" had a comment (Katy is a guy, I think?):
I think Stevie should get married, especially if her guy can provide. Maybe not everyone is ready to marry young, but some are. We would have married before my wife was 18 if her parents would have allowed it. It caused a lot of hard feelings that took years to overcome. I'm not saying we should let teens do whatever they want, but if the situation looks good, it won't do any good to force something else. Personally, I would be very excited that one of my daughters wanted to marry a decent guy instead of college or experiencing the world. There isn't much out there that is worth experiencing.
And then CM said:
I totally understand where Christie is coming from about Stevie. I got married at the age of 16 (hub was 18) and am still married to the same wonderful man over 30 years later. It was exciting at first as we were very much in love, but later, when I had a house full of kids and my siblings were single in college, I went through a period of extreme regret about all the things I missed out on - college, dating, traveling, etc. Once you make a decision to get married and have kids as a teen you can never go back and make up that time. I love my husband and my children but I wish I had experienced more of life as a single adult before marriage. It's an important growing stage that helps define you and your values. I had to grow up very quickly and figure out who I was at the same time dealing with a husband and small children. I have always felt my children would have had a better mother if I had really grown up first before having them. However, no-one could convince me to wait when I was 16. Hind sight is 20/20!
I had a lot of time with Stevie this week and we talked a lot about this. I'm not a lot older than her so we talked a lot about me being married early and if I would have done this at 16 like she wants to and I guess I would have. I understand what Christie means about seeing the world but the world sucks. I hated high school and was so happy when it was over! I heard about home school kids not getting socialized but never got it since home school gets don't get bullied and they don't get exposed to hookup sex, drugs, violence, and all the bad things that go on in school. I want to travel but I just don't see why I would have to be a carreer woman instead of a wife and mom. Stevie says she would go to college if they had a degree for being a great mom and wife but they don't so she doesn't want to go to college and she says she never wants to work outside the home after all the things Christie and Shari have talked about with bad bosses and nasty people you have to work with.
I am starting to think that being in the world is like eating Eve's apple because you give up paradise so you can be in the world and then you work all your life trying to get back what you had in the first place! I made it official and told Stevie that if she wants to get married this year after her birthday then I am okay with it because I am doing what she wants to do. I have never been happier and her boyfriend seems so nice. I think they will be a very nice couple and Stevie will be very happy.
Once you make a decision to get married and have kids as a teen you can never go back and make up that time.
I thought about that comment a lot and when I got married to Steve it was on my mind a lot and it still is. It was all a really big decision and I guess there were a lot of things I didn't think of. Christie said that once she was pregnant she really felt like part of the family because once she was pregnant then Steve and Shari relaxed a little around her knowing she would stay. Right now I'm at that place Christie talked about and had my period and if I left right now I could just go back to my old life and walk away from here. But once I am pregnant then things will be all different and the baby and Steve and this family will be part of my life for the rest of my life. In some way it will be a relief to be pregnant because then it will all be decided and done and I won't have to worry about choices.
It isn't like I have doubts or regrets but more like my what ifs will change when I get pregnant. Like right now I can say what if I want to go to Las Vegas and be a stripper. It's not like I would but I could. Does that make sense? Right now I am committed to being a wife and then once I'm pregnant I will be committed to being a mom and that isn't just to one baby but to two or three or four maybe. Christie being back with Steve this week means she is okay having a third baby and she has just been in the family for two years and five months. It makes me think that by the time I am 22 I could have three children! Steve even said I might have as many as seven or eight if I wanted to. Wow.
It is REALLY windy right now! The house just shook with a big wind! O-:
It is pizza tonight so I don't have to make dinner but I am going to go do some emails and then read on some other blogs. I will try to write again soon.