Friday, August 14, 2009

Five month anniversary!

It has been five months since I married Steve! I can't believe so much time has gone by! My world is a different and happier place and this turned out to be a great decision.



I will admit that it was not exactly what I wanted at first. I'm just being honest that I did not come here because I loved everyone. Thank you to Steady for asking me about that. I came here I think mostly to get away from my old life and this was the best I could do and not join the Army and that really was something I was thinking of doing.



Once I got to know everyone here I really liked what they had and I wanted it too. I will admit that I was very naive but I will also be straight up that everyone here was very honest with me and nothing was said to me that was not exactly the way it was. Everyone was very honest with me about what was expected from me if I wanted to stay and I accepted it all when they said it. When the words became real I had a lot of problems adjusting to things when I look back at it.



I didn't get into it too much on here after a point because some people just used my misgivings as a way to attack the life I had chosen. There is nothing wrong with this life but it is really, really different and I was struggling with it all. Women who have regular marriages have the same struggles and all of the divorces we see all the time are proof that just because you do it the traditional way does not mean it will work for you. I have only been here five months so it is unfair of me to say that this will work for me. I am hoping it does and it seems to get better all the time but do I know for sure? No, I don't.



It is true that I did not love Steve when we got married but I trusted that things would work out and they did. I can say I really love him now and I learn to love him more all the time. I have different relationships with Christie than I do with Shari and that is because they are not the same person and I had to learn to be fair to them both and not expect them to be the same. I had to learn to be a parent to all the kids even though I am not a lot older than they are and that was a lot harder for me than it was for them.



This choice cost me all of my old friends and that hurt me and helped me to be a part of this here. It hurt me to lose my friends but then because they left me there was a place in my heart for new friends and for a new family.



Steady and a friend from another site got me thinking about why I am here and to be honest with myself here is why:


  • Starting around this time last year I really, really started to want a baby. I mean like so much it hurt not to have a baby. I know that makes me like the totally emotional teenager who wants a baby so she has someone to love and that is 100% true. A couple times I even came close to just having a fling with a guy just so I could get pregnant.

  • I wanted to get away from my family. This was not so important to me as having a baby but it was important to me to get away from my mom's crazyness and to put my father and his problems behind me.

  • When Christie invited me here to visit I honestly came here like on research. I was curious and wanted to see what this was like and then when I saw it and how it made my life at home look I wanted to have this too.

  • Steve, Shari, and Christie all said that a condition of my being part of the family was to have children. I think they half-say this just to scare people off but for me back at the start of the year I was just sort of logical about it and thought that they want me to have a baby and I want to have a baby so my problem with this is what?

And here I am five months later. It has not been perfect for me but 99% of the problems I have had here are all me. Steve, Shari, Christie, and the girls are the most wonderful people and we have normal problems but when we have what I call "We" problems it is mostly something in my heart or in my head that is the problem. Having some really good friends online has really helped me work out some of those problems so they don't get in the way of my happiness here.

Different subject before I stop for lunch...

We had our final last night at school and I am home today. I did okay and got a 91 out of 100 and the teacher gave me an A- for my grade so I am pretty happy about that. I was not on here a lot during the study part of school because it is not easy for me to study. Maybe I might have more time now.

On Monday we start with sauces and that will be every morning until lunch time and then in the afternoon we will start on breads and rolls. The best part is we get to take home everything we bake! Yay! I know it is not free bread and stuff but it feels like it. It will be nice to start learning things I can actually start using at home.

It is now lunch time. I might be on later. Have a nice weekend everyone!

Peace and quiet on a patio with a cool breeze.

4 comments:

  1. Megan, I for one am abit disappointed in what you said about not loving Steve before you married him. I may be old fashion or have different beliefs, But I think that Marriage and Love go together. I think it is hurtful for anyone to marry someone without loving them first. This is a big reason my husband and I currently do not have a sister-wife, since our last breakup. We have met a few woman that we like and everything clicks, but when the big question is asked She said she doesn't love us yet, but wants to marry us and let the love grow. We refuse the marriage and instead opt. to date and let the love grow. The women then say nevermind and leave.

    Does Steve and your sister-wives know that you didn't love Steve when you married him? What would you of done, if now five months later you still didn't love him? What if you two had a baby together and you still didn't love him?

    I am glad that you do Love him now and that is what counts, but abit disappointed that you didn't at first. But overall, I am glad that things have worked out for you and that the love is there now.

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  2. Hi there
    I have been lurking pretty much since the beginning of your blog. I've really enjoyed it. I just have a question about a sentence on this post. The one about it being a condition of you being there that you have children. I had fertility problems due to endometriosis and eventually I was blessed with 3 children. What happens if you cannot (God forbid!) have children? Are you still welcome in the family?
    I'm glad you are moderating your comments now, and I am glad you are happy in your new life. Take care
    Emily

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  3. May five months turn into fifty years and more (albeit slowly, so that you may savor the time).

    Congrats.

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  4. That's a very honest post Megan. Good for you.

    I know you've been criticized by some for not taking criticism well… (I didn't see all the comments before you deleted the recent post, but I did see little snippets on the recent comments widget.) I just wonder if all your commenters appreciate how hard it is to be so open about your personal life, only to have it picked apart and analyzed… I feel sorry for celebrities sometimes, who have their lives picked apart regardless of how much they choose to share! But I digress…

    I really just wanted to say, thanks for the brave post. If moderating the comments means you can say more of what you want to say without fear of how we're all going to respond, that's probably a good thing for your readers overall… After all, we're here first and foremost because we enjoy Megan's writing right? Does it really matter if we can't say 'Marcus is a bleepity bleep' anymore without getting censored? :P

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