I dropped a bomb with this one. I didn't mean to.
Erica, I love you as my friend but I never said all lesbians are abortionists. I said someone pointed out all the lesbians who were into pro-choice and all. It is true and it was proved to me by going to pages for NOW and some other pro-choice and LGBT groups. It just seems weird that lesbians are so into these things.
When I chose this life I write about I chose to leave the crazy world behind me. Some of the people in the church say we live in the world but we are not of the world. We live a different life from most people. We have different ideas.
I know what living in the world is like and I HATED it. I am not someone who was raised this way I wanted to be here because I can't stand the life I came from.
Back on February 24 I wrote about all the things I left behind because that life was so meaningless. I was so miserable with it all and now I am here and it is like I live on a different planet from so many people anymore. I don't have a cell phone and I don't text anyone. I don't buy so many things like I used to. My allowance here is $500 per month and in four months I have only spent about $200 of it. I don't need anything. I don't want anything.
I'm really happy. I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life. This is not perfect but I have little problems now instead of so many big problems.
My experience with things like not using birth control is my experience. Other people can do what they want to do and I want to do this. It is my choice. I am not saying anyone else should do this and I am not saying to ban anything. I am saying those things come with a price. My life comes with a price too and I know that.
In my old life the way it was suppose to be was I would go to college and then get a job and maybe get married someday and maybe have a baby when I was 30 and then have to keep working and leave my baby at daycare five days a week and worry about paying credit cards and for a house and car payments and have to work with bad bosses and have to not complain or lose my job.
I was so depressed thinking about what my future was suppose to be like I really did not want to live sometimes. I used to read about people with old fashion lives and I knew it was hard for them but they were happy and they had control of their lives. I wanted that too!
I know it makes no sense to people who don't get it but I gave up trying to control my life when I came here and now I am happier than ever and I really have more control of my life than I ever did before.
I am choosing this life.
The price I pay is I gave up everything I hated anyway and I am living the way I wanted to anyway.
I get up at 5:30 most mornings to make breakfast and do chores. Then I stay home all day and take care of babies, talk with my sisterwives, cook dinner, and then have a nice night almost everynight.
I don't worry about college, a career, comutting to work, traffic jams, shitty jobs and shitty bosses, and when I have a baby the last thing I will worry about is who is taking care of him for me.
The price is I give up the world and birth control and abortion which I never wanted anyway. Someone asked what happens if I have five kids and maybe I will have ten kids. That is my choice. I would love to have a big family if I can. Right now I don't know if I can even have one baby so I am not so worried about five or ten.
All of this stuff I had to go through with my mom and some of my old friends when I came here. My friend Carmen said that what upsets people the most about the way I want to live is that I am condeming the way everyone else lives by not living the way they do and haveing the same values they do.
I don't think I am condeming anyone but I don't want what everyone else wants.