Friday, April 17, 2009

A lot of questions.

Wow. That's a lot of stuff on my last post!

I had a lot of things to think about between email and comments on the blog tonight. Steve is out of town tonight for business and Shari went with him and right now almost everyone is up late.

Questions are okay but there are a lot of them tonight!

ALM asked a few things and the legal thing is we have a limited liability partnership and the house and some money is in a trust and the members of the llp have rights in the trust so it is all legal and I am very safe. And no one in our church goes on assistance because most everyone watches their money really good and there are not a lot of debts that are okay. Most people even pay cash for their cars and trucks. I am already on Steve's healthcare and it is really good! We have Kaiser and it is a lot better than my mom's old healthcare. Steve's name is on all five birth certificates.

Marcus asked somethings and he is really organized!

1. Do you discuss your sex life with your sisterwives?

Yes but more with Christie than with Shari. Shari is more concerned about me like a mom that I am okay with everything and Christie is more like a sister or a friend and we talk about a lot of private things.

2. Now that you've had almost a month of being married how do you like sex? Is it still new to you or are you very comfortable with the experience?

I like it just fine! I was sore at first and that went away and now it is mostly nice and sometimes pretty wonderful! The part that is hard to get used to is sleeping with someone and sometimes waking up with Steve getting romantic and having to think about where I am. There are somethings that are new like when we do things a way that is new for me and I am comfortable with it because I trust Steve never to hurt me or do anything I don't want.

3. Do you and Steve ever talk about making a baby while you're making love? How does this make you feel?

Steve likes to rub my tummy a lot and will talk about me having a baby when we are alone sometimes and it is hard to explain but the way he does it is so romantic! We were being romantic on Thursday night and he was behind me talking about babies and holding my tummy and that made me want him and it really made me want to be pregnant and get pregnant! He will say things like he wants to see me fill out a dress and it just makes me really interested in having him do that so I guess it makes me feel very very good!

4. You got to see Christie give birth and now you are most certainly looking at doing the same thing some day soon and I'm curious about your thoughts on giving birth and becoming a mother.

It is real scary to think about it like that! The sex and being pregnant are the easy part but the birth and labor and all that is scary and like just a month ago having Steve in me was making me sore and then it is like a BABY is supposed to come out that way??? It is very scary and I decided to worry about it when I have to and just try to enjoy everything right now.

5. I've wondered if you have tried suckling the baby you take care of? Would Christie be opposed to you trying this?

Sometimes Emmy won't do the bottle so Christie is okay with me having her on me and I drip the milk into her mouth. Christie has a book she shared with me saying this was okay and it really makes me feel very close to Emmy and Christie and it is part of the answer to #4 that someday having my own baby suckling me for real makes the scary part of birth seem worth everything.

6. Do any other people in the families in your church write about their lives like you do? If so, can you share their websites?

I am the only one and I have to be careful to keep a lot of things to myself. Like I don't talk much about the other families and I don't put up many pictures. They don't make things secret but they don't want to be on the news so everyone keeps pretty quiet.

7. Have any single girlfriends? :-P


Donald posted a comment I liked.

Megan has taken a risk in joining her new family. Taking risks is part of life! The person who takes no risks isn't really living.

My biggest risk was on my wedding night and I know I have a lot I am sort of gambling with but I have gained so much! I have two wonderful friends and a wonderful loving husband and they took a really big risk trusting me to be part of the family and my two sisterwives took a big risk trusting me with their husband and their children and their home. I know it is only a month but I think I did okay!

In email I have a new friend who wrote about how a lot of poly families have older wives and they seem to want younger wives so they can have more babies. That really describes me and Christie but its okay if that is what you want. She really wrote about a lot of poly people who want to meet new women and some of them are perverts and some just want a once time thing and some want a woman who will have babies.

I dont think it is a bad thing to be with someone who wants you to have babies with them. Christie said that when she married Steve she felt like she was doing something wrong until she got pregnant and then everything changed and she felt a real part of the family and she did not feel like it was temporary anymore. When I came here I wanted a baby and a family but they were just ideas in my head and then I saw Christie give birth to Emmy and the first time Steve made love to me all I was thinking about was me on my back some day being just the same way Christie was and having a baby. Now I think about how much Steve loves me and trusts me to be a great mom to his children and I think like Christie that once I am pregnant it will be easier to settle in and really be a part of the family. And now I love it when Steve is with me and I feel him inside me trying to make a baby and it just makes me feel closer to him and Shari and Christie. I know there is a lot of thought about the sex and I think about it a lot more than before but what some people are missing is that the sex to me isn't just Steve and me mating but Steve and me loving each other and trusting each other. I have never felt so loved in my whole life. It makes me cry sometimes thinking about it. I used to cry because I hurt so much with this hole in my heart and now I cry because the love filled holes in my heart I didn't know I had.

I didn't know how bad things were in my life until everything was so much better. I was used to things being bad and now I am used to them being wonderful.


  1. MeganC said: I know there is a lot of thought about the sex and I think about it a lot more than before but what some people are missing is that the sex to me isn't just Steve and me mating but Steve and me loving each other and trusting each other. I have never felt so loved in my whole life. It makes me cry sometimes thinking about it. I used to cry because I hurt so much with this hole in my heart and now I cry because the love filled holes in my heart I didn't know I had.

    Megan, that's wonderful. Really, that tells us all we need to know about your sex life — that after a month of sex you're not only potentially making a baby, you're making love. I recall in one of your earlier posts someone encouraging you to be more explicit with the words you use to describe the sex act. Honestly, if I were you I'd ignore that advice and just keep writing from your heart. The way you describe the love and trust between you and Steve is just beautiful. What a wonderful gift from God!! Make sure when you have kids of your own (I know this seems a long way off, but trust me — you'll wake up one day soon and discover that your baby is almost a teenager!) that you talk with them about sex as you're doing with us. Tell them what a beautiful thing it is, before all the crappy TV shows, music videos and Internet porn has a chance to corrupt this most precious of God's gifts in their minds.

  2. Megan
    Thanks for answering my questions. I appreciate you taking the time to accomadate us. I'm curious about you being on Steve's insureance - how are you listed (spouse or dependent)?

    Thanks again..

  3. Megan I just have to say a resounding AMEN!! to Donald's comment above. I agree with him that you will one day wake up and realize the your baby is a grown person and wonder where the time went. So enjoy your time and love while you can and saver every moment.

  4. ALM,

    Maybe Steve bought Megan an individual policy. Kaiser has single policies that are very reasonable especially for someone her age.

    I am curious about what your motive is for asking these kind of questions? It almost sounds like you are looking for them to be doing something wrong or dishonest. I hope that is not the case.

    Megan, you are very sweet to answer questions. I also second Donald's commenet. The years do go by way too fast. Enjoy and treasure every moment.


  5. Relax, CM my asking these questions are no different the questions you've asked on other poly blogs. I'm just curious. I didn't know if California had different insurance laws as far as who can be insured. It's a state that is generally more liberal and progressive then other parts of the country.

    If you read what Megan wrote she implies that she is on his policy. She does not say that she has her own policy through the same carrier. I was simply looking for clarification.

    My question regarding the birth certificates stems from Megan saying that most poly families try and avoid state aid so not to draw attention to their lifestyle. I was curious to know if this need for obscurity carried over to the birth certificates. If the community is small, courthouse staff could raise an eyebrow when they see several birth certificates coming across their desk with the same father but different mothers. That is why I asked.

    Everyone seems to focus on the utopian aspect of this lifestyle, where I am more interested in how it fits into the reality of everyday life and the legal and social ramifications of it.

    I hope that clears up your suspicions, CM.

    Megan...thanks again for taking the time to answer my questions. I really appreciate it.

  6. ALM, most commenters on other blogs I've seen don't focus on the 'utopia' at all — but on the many difficulties. There are also many (mostly anonymous posters) whose primary objective on these blogs appears to be to find fault wherever they can, presumably because they find the concept of women sharing a husband offensive and can't understand why anyone would want to live this way.

    So please forgive CM and I for questioning your motives here. (Yes, I confess, thought your repeated questioning was starting to sound more like interrogation than genuine concern.) We've just seen too many of the other kind of commenter I guess, and would hate to see Megan's blog turn into something where she's always on the defensive against those kind of people. I can understand the curiosity though.

    Megan's blog is probably more valuable than even she realizes, floating around in cyberspace amongst all the negative views on polygamy. It tells the other side of the story — that there is a way to make this age-old lifestyle work in our modern society. The painful stories, like that of Ana at, are valuable too. Anyone considering this lifestyle should go into it with their eyes open — open to the dangers, and open to the possibilities. So both stories need to be heard. And perhaps Megan will also share her difficulties when they come. (I can confidently say she will have difficulties, not because she's in a polygynous marriage, but because she's human and lives on planet Earth!)

    Keep up the good work Megan!

  7. ALM, My response - see Donald's comment - he expressed my thoughts very eloquently. No offense was intended. I was just trying to clarify where you were coming from and should have chosen my words better. I apologize.

    Thanks Donald, you said it very well!

    Megan, I apologize for the unintentional sidetrack.

  8. Steve has our Kaiser through his business and the county we live in is so big that we dont think anyone will notice us. It isnt like we have babies every week.

  9. LOL. Now that WOULD make you sore.

  10. If I had to guess, Megan is probably an employee of Steve's business, and thus entitled to coverage under his group policy as any other employee would be. I know of other poly families, who own business, and manage the insurance thing this way. As long as the premiums are paid, there's no problems with this arrangement, as Megan would be (if this is indeed the arrangement Steve has used) just another employee of his business as far as Kaiser is concerned.

  11. Love and happiness is filling your heart...!
    That just tugs at my heartstrings!!!

    And when you get ready, you should take all of this blog and publish it.
    Because we need to have some autobiographies/biographies about poly life that are POSITIVE, not all this "I got married at 14 and I hated it and I'm forced and he's abusive" pubilicity that poly life gets.

    People have to understand that poly living is much larger than just the Mormon FLDS community!

    Love in Messiah,