I haven't taken questions for a long time so if anyone has something on their mind then ask away!
I promise I'll answer every question!
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Happy April to Everyone!
Things are going well here right now and this time three months from now there will be three new infants in the house and we'll all be going crazy doing diaper laundry at the same time! We have a separate washing machine just for diapers and it'll be getting a lot of attention very soon!
One of the topics I don't really get into is sex. I get lots of questions about it (some of them pretty intrusive) and I suppose it's time to talk about it.
I'm just going to write what's on my mind so forgive me if it gets confused or something like that.
Okay. Here goes.
So I guess the first thing to say is that right at the start I had to adjust to sex being a very up front part of the life. You can't avoid it on a ranch because you see animals doing things all the time and the kids all see it, too. Our older kids all figured out the connections to sex and babies and if anyone thinks it's hard to deal with anonymous questions on the blog then try having your five year old daughter ask you straight up if daddy does to you what the rooster does to the hens! THAT is hard!
My response, by the way, was that it was something that we did and that it made us feel close and loved and that sometimes we were blessed with a baby after doing that and that it was an expression of God's love. And after all that thought put into an answer I got 'Uh-huh' as an answer and that was that!
In any case it's very present around here. To us it's our normal thing and we're used to it. You have to have some discretion when opening bedroom doors and we have out little things we do like hanging a little knit thing on our doorknobs as a 'do not disturb' sign. You learn to give other people their privacy.
It's also one of those things that we always know who's doing what and when and we all have this kind of mutual understanding that we never talk about it as a group but we will talk about it in private. The only time this gets weird is when someone is bashful about it and wants to act like nothing happened when we all know what's happening. You have to be polite and let it go.
Some of my friends who are not poly tell me that sex isn't something they talk about very much. They might do their thing in the bedroom as man and wife but then outside the bedroom they don't talk about it. In that way I guess we're not all that different from other families.
But where we absolutely are different is with birth control. The popular view is that we're weird because we don't use birth control but a friend of mine said that if you stop and think about it that using birth control is actually kind of a fetish. I also don't play the game of how I'm supposed to be guilty for having kids when the country has to bring in millions of immigrants to offset the birthrate in the country.
If someone is really worried about over population in the US then stop immigration. After you do that then come talk to me and maybe I'll listen.
Where not using birth control changes sex the most is in how it isn't casual. Sex is a commitment if you're not using birth control. It's a serious decision and not just something you do for fun.
I'll be honest that I was terrified the first time I had sex with Steve. It was something that wasn't going to be undone and the whole idea was to have a baby. There's just nothing as sobering as having a man on top of you and you're wondering if you're doing the right thing and you're having second thoughts and then all of the sudden it's over and there's no going back. It still amazes me how your whole life can change so much in that moment when you're both breathing hard.
And I guess that's the single most important thing here is that for us sex is a massive commitment. I mean I feel more married to Steve because I have six of his children (soon to be seven!) than any piece of paper could ever make me feel. And I think that's the way it's supposed to work.
Now the other thing is that this isn't the Playboy Mansion. Sex is a part of what happens here but it's not the only thing. There's a ton of work that happens every single day, there's a lot of worries that happen all the time, we have health issues and worries, and we have other concerns like anyone else.
And I guess I should mention we're taking in a fifth wife. A family lost their husband when he rolled over his pickup and died and we're taking in one of the wives who is due next week with her second baby and we're also taking in her wonderful 4 year old daughter. Eventually she'll be a wife for Steve if everything works out but then that's going to be more work to get her set up and all.
The other thing to mention is that we're not into weird things. Sex around here is about babies and love and some of the things that a lot of people accept as 'normal' are not normal for us. That doesn't make us prudes or anything it just means we chose what we wanted and that's how it works for us is all.
I hope you all have a wonderful Spring time and that you get out there and enjoy the flowers!
UPDATE 4/12/2017: Maddie called last night and said she'd changed her mind and is going to go live with a friend instead.