I am going to wish you all a very Blessed and Merry Christmas and a very Happy 2018 before I get started! God bless and keep all of you!
On to the questions from the blog:
Q: Did you get my email about me changing emails?
Yes, I did. I am thinking about it.
Q: Also, how often is Steve home, and how often is he home with you? Is it mostly just a whole bunch of wives?
It depends on how much work he has and where the work is. Like when he was in North Dakota all the time we could count on him coming home on weekends. Right now he has a lot of work in Texas and we see him when he can get away so you're right that a lot of the time it's all wives and children in the house!
Q: Hi Megan! I'm curious if your sexual relationship ever extends to the other women in your life. Are you sexually involved with each other or have a strong intimacy with them? Lots of love!
I think "strong intimacy" is probably the best answer here. I mean you get used to seeing each other all the time, we share responsibilities with breast feeding when we can, and we're around each other all the time and we really do love each other! There's a lot of kissing and cuddling that goes on but anymore it's really rare when any of us have the time for anything more than that. I think I would have had a different answer for you a few years ago but it's not like that anymore or at least for now. I will say when it is cold in the house I really love having someone to cuddle up with at night!
Q: What would you suggest to do if someone was interested in this type of lifestyle? I'm a female uni student who really relates to what brought you into polygamy, but I have no interest in the more common polyamory thing, like I think plural marriage is pretty neat but I would want to do it in a Christian way like you, if that makes sense lol but I've never come across any Christian community that really accepts that or any Christian :/ It's too bad because its something I've always had an interest in, which is how I found your blog :)
You could start by joining a site calledBiblical Families. They're mostly Christians on that site and I think most of them seem pretty normal compared to our church or some other poly friendly churches. Yahoo Groups still has a lot of poly people active but they're mostly pagan (their word, not mine) and it's more about just sex than having families from what I have seen. It never hurts to look around because I can say I met my family on a Yahoo Group and it worked out for me. I will pray that you find what God wants for you in your life!
Q: How is Shari? Does she stay in touch with the family? How is Stevie and her husband? Do you see them?
Shari stopped keeping in touch with us and we respect her choice. She moved to Seattle, she has a job, and she has a new boyfriend and I think she's happy with her choices.
Stevie (Stephanie) is Steve's oldest daughter by Shari and she is married and has her own family now. Her husband did really well with the oil boom and he has a permanent job with an oil company. They have a second wife who was a Mennonite and she's had two babies with them. We had them at the house last year for Christmas and we're going to have a family Christmas again this year and it will be a pretty big crowd and we'll see Stevie, Lauren, and then Hannah is coming from California with her fiancé (they will not be a poly family).
Q: Hello Megan, Do you relate to any of the women who have been talking about sexual harassment and abuse lately? I ask because some of what you have written over the years indicates that you have had similar experiences and from what I can tell your sister wife Macy was abused by the first family she lived with. Would you say that abuse is more or less common in your church than in the general public? I am not asking for statistics here, just your opinion.
This is a really difficult question. I believe you are a Muslim so I imagine you probably see the same things in Muslim relationships that go on in traditional or fundamentalist Christian relationships. The first thing is that when a woman decides to join a family in the church there's a big effort to make sure that she really wants to do this because no one wants the problems that can happen when someone leaves. They also want to make sure that women who choose this really understand what they're getting into.
And the difference between things being they way they should be and then being abusive can be kind of blurry if you ask me.
The church is patriarchal and that even used to be part of the name of the church. It means the men are in charge and the husband is the head of the house and the women in the house submit to him in all things.
As a woman you agree to this and that's what I did. That's what a lot of women do. Then you discover that your very first responsibility is to have children and there's a HUGE amount of social pressure to have children. If you're okay with this then that means a lot of sex. I had to get used to that and sometimes that means the sex isn't all that romantic. That's the point where things can start to be abusive and Macy absolutely suffered because she really didn't want that. Fortunately the church helped her and she was with us for a few years and now she's back home in Ohio with her parents and her kids.
I don't know of much actual violence going on and that's one of the things that is a big plus to me about having other women in the house is I have never worried about Steve ever acting that way (and he never would) because there are other women around. We do have problems with drugs even in the church and meth and heroin have been problems ever since the oil boom. We've only had one poly family break up over drugs but a few other families have had problems. The drugs sometimes cause abuse in a family but that's not unique to the church.
Both of my parents went crazy because of meth and I have to wonder if people really know what they are wishing for when they want to legalize drugs.
I could write a lot more but it's hard to get my thoughts all put down just right and I hate for people to misread what I say. But I hope that answers your question.
It's my favorite season of the year with the house being cool in the mornings and the smells of coffee and fresh bread and pastries in the house. I'm on a pumpkin bread binge right now mostly because we have a boatload of canned pumpkin to go through from our pantry. No fancy things in it, just plain hot pumpkin bread with butter!
The baby news is mixed. The babies that were born over the year are all doing fine but Christie was trying for another and she lost it a few weeks ago. She's lost babies before and she says she's really fine but it's easy to see it hurts. I covet your prayers for her healing.
My email friend Lili introduced me to a site called "Biblical Families" which is probably the nicest poly site I have ever seen. I highly recommend it and I don't think I've ever done that before.
We haven't had much drama on the ranch this year and I am so happy about that. This is the first year we didn't lose even a single bison calf and I think that's due to the snow and the wonderful grazing that it made possible in the spring and summer. We had green grass on the ranch into late July and that's the first time we saw that around here.
One of our families that had moved away moved back when their rental home in Houston was flooded and then both the husband and wife (they're not poly) lost their jobs due to the flooding. You feel sort of helpless when you see things like this because you wish you could make everything better again but it's just not possible. They're going to make it but it's really sad to see their plans just crash so quickly like they did. At the same time it makes you realize just how fragile our lives are and I don't just mean breathing but the actual living, working, loving, and playing part of our lives. We make our plans and then something happens and they're gone just like that. You just have to pull it together and move on with the next best thing is all you can do.
I don't get political on here but I will make an exception and say that I just don't understand the crazy hatred for President Trump. I mean I knew conservative people who didn't agree with President Obama and some didn't like him but I never heard anyone say that they wanted to kill him or anything crazy like that. It's hard not to wonder what's going on with people that one day before the election were talking about peace and tolerance and the next day they wanted to burn and kill. It's crazy!
Steve is still doing work up in North Dakota but he's also been in Florida doing work and might even go to Puerto Rico to help rebuild roads if they can figure out how to pay for it all. He says they want a lot of work done but they're just offering promises to maybe pay for it all someday and that means no one wants to do their work. Pretty sad.
We're going to have a couple families over to the ranch tomorrow after church for an end of the season BBQ and of course it's supposed to rain and maybe even snow so we might end up inside but it'll still be nice to have friends over for a while.
That's about it for what's going on. Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving if I don't check in here before that!
On June 17 at 11:53am (and just in time for lunch!) we welcomed my newest baby girl into the world!
Her name is Diana Victoria and she came into the world weighing seven pounds and seven ounces! Seven is her number! (-:
Christie suggested her name with both Diana and Victoria being Biblical names and the two are reminiscent of two wonderful princesses! I hope to raise my little girl to be emblematic of both of those wonderful princesses!
I should also pass along that Christie is being blessed with a fifth baby who should arrive in the last week of January 2018!
The house is crazy right now and it's a blessing and it seems right!
Early Wednesday morning (May 10) Amy brought her beautiful daughter Anna Lisa into the world!
Amy's labor went all day on Tuesday and she gave birth just after 3am on Wednesday morning.
Anna Lisa is perfect! She's 19 inches long, five pounds and ten ounces but that's not a problem because she's small like her mother. Amy was five pounds and three ounces when she was born and is very petite!
Then yesterday Cydne was in the shower and her water broke! How awesome is that??? (-:
We figured she'd be in labor all day and just an hour later she delivered Christian Michael who's a big baby at 22 inches long, nine pounds and eight ounces. He arrived before the midwife got here!
Both babies are healthy and perfect! And everyone else is EXHAUSTED!!!!
1. Tell us about the first time someone walked in on you and Steve in the middle of making babies?
A: I won't describe the situation but I will say that the person who walked in was polite and discreet and didn't make a big deal about it.
2. What was the hardest thing to get used to with sex?
A: The awesome responsibilities that come along with it. I just don't ever understand how some people can talk about sex being a casual thing! It's an irreversible commitment and if there's a baby then it's a lifetime commitment. That's the hardest thing to get used to.
3. You've mentioned before that you sometimes skip the bra and panties. Do you find this to be sexy?
A: It's also very practical!
4. Have you had an orgasm from sex?
A: Of course.
5. Do you have sensitive nipples? What about your breasts?
A: I doubt that I'm more sensitive than anyone else.
6. What's the difference for you with sex when you're in the mood and when you're not?
A: It depends. Even if I'm not in the mood I always like the attention.
7. You've mentioned skinny dipping in the past. Do you still do it? Is this something just the adults do or is it a family thing?
A: It's a family thing but the skinny dipping part is almost always at night so it's not like everyone sees everything. Besides it is really practical when you don't have to wash a bunch of bathing suits afterwards!
8. Describe a time when you caught Steve and someone else having sex. What did you think of it? Jealous?
A: You know it's just something that happens in a crowded house. It's just something you run into and you have to be polite and close the door and go on with your day.
9. Did you give Amy or Cydne any advice before they consummated their marriages to Steve? What was it?
10. Do the women still wear dresses all the time?
A: Outside of the house we do unless we're riding the horses or helping Steve. Around the house it's whatever is more comfortable and in the summer time that means dresses!
11. Aside from yourself who else looks good when she's naked or braless?
A: I like to think we all look pretty good! (-:
12. Do your kids ever ask you personal questions about sex? How do you handle that?
A: I wouldn't call them personal questions but just normal questions from kids who grow up on a ranch seeing sex all the time. They see the animals doing it and then they eventually connect that with how babies are born and then the questions come. I try to be as honest as I can and still letting my kids have their childhood.
13. Do you ever try anything other than straight sex?
A: I don't think so, no.
14. When do you feel the sexiest?
A: After I've had sex and when I'm pregnant. I know that sounds weird but it always makes me feel desired and to me that's sexy!
15. What's the best way to seduce you?
A: Love my children! <3 p=""> 3>
16. Do you ever initiate sex with Steve or does he always call the shots?
A: Yes and no.
17. Does anyone in your church or family read this blog? Is that embarrassing to you?
A: It's been a long time since anyone I know in real life has talked to me about it so I guess they don't read it a lot. If they do that's fine.
18. Do you talk to people outside of your family about sex? Do the ladies at church ever talk about it with you?
A: Women talk about everything! So yes ladies at church talk, too!
19. Say you had not met your family, would you have still tried poly?
A: Tried it? Probably. I think the better question is if I had not met my family would I have stayed in poly and I don't think I would have.
20. What do you think your life would be like if you were in a non-poly marriage now?
A: You know I honestly don't think it makes that much difference. You can be happy or sad in any relationship and it just has to do with how lucky or blessed you happen to be to meet the people who ware right for you.
Q: Do you want your children to follow in your footsteps and have poly relationships or do you care one way or another?
A: I want them to be happy. If that means getting married at 16 as a first wife and starting a family, going to college, starting a business, or getting married as a second wife at 21 then whatever makes them happy is what I want for them.
Q: What are the biggest misconceptions about raising a Poly family?
A: That it's just like it is on TV. Everyone has a different experience and I think we're about the same as other families with our problems. We go to the doctor, we have bills to pay, we worry about things, and it's a lot of constant work to keep up with everything. People like Andrew focus on the sex and they don't get that it's not a big orgy or anything anymore than any other marriage is a big orgy.
Q: How is being in a Poly family different than you thought it would be before you married Steve?
A: I hate to say I really didn't have any idea what this was going to be like when I married Steve. I just knew it was a loving family and I really wanted to be in a happy family for a change.
Q: What is the best thing about living Poly? What is the hardest?
A: The best thing is you're never alone! If you need help with something there's always someone there and then the best compliment is when someone needs you for help! The hardest thing? Having to keep everything so secret all the time. It will be nice someday when I can start putting pictures of our family on here and not worrying that police and social workers will show up to arrest everyone. That's the hardest part.
Q: What advice would you give someone who was interested in this type of lifestyle?
A: It's a lot of work. You have to be ready to lose a bunch of your friends. You have to be ready to be really different from other people and to have them treat you like you have a disease if they find out about you. I'd suggest meeting a poly family and getting to know them before you get into this. Find out if what they deal with all the time is worth it to you.
Q: When you guys are bringing in another wife, is there ever a discussion or worry about STD's? How do you guys handle that?
A: There's a trip to the doctor for new wives who come in from outside the church. Church girls like Cydne and Amy see the doctor all the time anyway so it's not a worry for them.
Q: Do you and your sister wives share the same feelings about sex and love?
A: I think we do. We all get along and seem to be happy with our lives.
Q: Did all of you have the same experience with Steve when you first married him?
A: No, we didn't. We're different people and we came into it with different feelings and ideas and all had our own experiences with joining the family.
Q: How do you feel about the rush to get pregnant when you first get married?
A: It makes sense to me but at the time it felt like that was my #1 reason for being here was to have babies. What's ironic now is that I feel the same way about new wives (in any family) is I don't really take them seriously until they're pregnant because I've seen women change their minds and leave a family after a few weeks.
Q: What do your sister wives feel about it?
A: It wasn't ever an issue for Christie, Cydne was totally into it, and Amy was more like me and had to adjust to life. But then we all end up seeing it the same way and it makes sense that having babies is just as important as the wedding because it helps a woman commit to her husband and her family.
Thank you for all the questions!
Okay and I am up early this morning because Amy is in labor! (-:
Things are going well here right now and this time three months from now there will be three new infants in the house and we'll all be going crazy doing diaper laundry at the same time! We have a separate washing machine just for diapers and it'll be getting a lot of attention very soon!
One of the topics I don't really get into is sex. I get lots of questions about it (some of them pretty intrusive) and I suppose it's time to talk about it.
I'm just going to write what's on my mind so forgive me if it gets confused or something like that.
Okay. Here goes.
So I guess the first thing to say is that right at the start I had to adjust to sex being a very up front part of the life. You can't avoid it on a ranch because you see animals doing things all the time and the kids all see it, too. Our older kids all figured out the connections to sex and babies and if anyone thinks it's hard to deal with anonymous questions on the blog then try having your five year old daughter ask you straight up if daddy does to you what the rooster does to the hens! THAT is hard!
My response, by the way, was that it was something that we did and that it made us feel close and loved and that sometimes we were blessed with a baby after doing that and that it was an expression of God's love. And after all that thought put into an answer I got 'Uh-huh' as an answer and that was that!
In any case it's very present around here. To us it's our normal thing and we're used to it. You have to have some discretion when opening bedroom doors and we have out little things we do like hanging a little knit thing on our doorknobs as a 'do not disturb' sign. You learn to give other people their privacy.
It's also one of those things that we always know who's doing what and when and we all have this kind of mutual understanding that we never talk about it as a group but we will talk about it in private. The only time this gets weird is when someone is bashful about it and wants to act like nothing happened when we all know what's happening. You have to be polite and let it go.
Some of my friends who are not poly tell me that sex isn't something they talk about very much. They might do their thing in the bedroom as man and wife but then outside the bedroom they don't talk about it. In that way I guess we're not all that different from other families.
But where we absolutely are different is with birth control. The popular view is that we're weird because we don't use birth control but a friend of mine said that if you stop and think about it that using birth control is actually kind of a fetish. I also don't play the game of how I'm supposed to be guilty for having kids when the country has to bring in millions of immigrants to offset the birthrate in the country.
If someone is really worried about over population in the US then stop immigration. After you do that then come talk to me and maybe I'll listen.
Where not using birth control changes sex the most is in how it isn't casual. Sex is a commitment if you're not using birth control. It's a serious decision and not just something you do for fun.
I'll be honest that I was terrified the first time I had sex with Steve. It was something that wasn't going to be undone and the whole idea was to have a baby. There's just nothing as sobering as having a man on top of you and you're wondering if you're doing the right thing and you're having second thoughts and then all of the sudden it's over and there's no going back. It still amazes me how your whole life can change so much in that moment when you're both breathing hard.
And I guess that's the single most important thing here is that for us sex is a massive commitment. I mean I feel more married to Steve because I have six of his children (soon to be seven!) than any piece of paper could ever make me feel. And I think that's the way it's supposed to work.
Now the other thing is that this isn't the Playboy Mansion. Sex is a part of what happens here but it's not the only thing. There's a ton of work that happens every single day, there's a lot of worries that happen all the time, we have health issues and worries, and we have other concerns like anyone else.
And I guess I should mention we're taking in a fifth wife. A family lost their husband when he rolled over his pickup and died and we're taking in one of the wives who is due next week with her second baby and we're also taking in her wonderful 4 year old daughter. Eventually she'll be a wife for Steve if everything works out but then that's going to be more work to get her set up and all.
The other thing to mention is that we're not into weird things. Sex around here is about babies and love and some of the things that a lot of people accept as 'normal' are not normal for us. That doesn't make us prudes or anything it just means we chose what we wanted and that's how it works for us is all.
I hope you all have a wonderful Spring time and that you get out there and enjoy the flowers!
UPDATE 4/12/2017: Maddie called last night and said she'd changed her mind and is going to go live with a friend instead.