Thursday, November 24, 2016

Bullies and Blackmailers

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you and your family are having a wonderful day! We'll be having about twenty people here today (maybe a few more) and the upside of that is a lot of hands to help in the kitchen!

With that I hope you all have a blessed and Happy Thanksgiving!


Now I'm taking a moment this morning to post about how I've managed to attract the attention of another bully/blackmailer. This is someone I angered or upset on another website who decided to stalk me on the internet and try to scare me by threatening to "reveal" things about me to my friends on this blog.

After some consideration and discussion with a very wise person I've decided to take away this person's thrill by being up front about some things. For the people who know me from Yahoo Messenger there won't be too many surprises here. I've already shared most of this with you.

For the people who only know me from this blog there may be some surprises and if they upset you or disappoint you then I'm sorry.

In no particular order here goes:

* I am moderating comments for now because once again someone thinks they have a right to use my blog as a weapon to hurt me. To quote no end of basketball players: "Not in my house!"
You don't get to use this space as a place to hurt me. Not now, not ever.

* The bully accuses me of using a friendlier 'voice' on this blog than I do on other places in the net and that's true. Here I always feel like I am talking to my friends and I speak differently to my friends than I do to sometimes hostile strangers on the net. I think I am using my internet voice right now and not my 'speaking to friends' voice.

* It's not the first time I've been accused of being a boy/man. I've been hearing this kind of thing ever since junior high school. I sometimes get compared to Ann Coulter if that helps. I don't think I need to say anything more on this.

* I don't sound like other people and that's true. I am somewhat autistic and with that comes an above average amount of narcissism and an inability to perceive certain emotions. One of my close friends says I am 'emotionally color blind'. It's not that I don't understand the feelings of other people it's just that I don't feel them myself sometimes. Some people think I'm cold that way and maybe I am but it's who I am.

* I do not post a lot about my family anymore and is it any wonder why when there's people out on the net who want to use every bit of information to try to stalk you, track you down, and act as if they have some sort of power over you? I've had one stalker come to the ranch and that was pretty scary. Now that I have children I am going to make clear that the next crazy person who shows up on the ranch to try to prove some insane point is absolutely positively going to get shot. I am not going to risk the safety of my family or myself trying to play any more crazy games with anyone. Period.

* I was raped when I was sixteen. This is not a secret. This being a mostly family friendly blog anymore I don't post on here that my sexual responses are skewed. I get aroused by forceful sex and it's not because I'm into rape it's because I'm a masochist and at some level I don't get aroused unless there's an element of "I deserve this" in the mix. Bluntly, I'm fucked up and I know it. Anyone reading this blog and who knows me off of the blog knows it too. Yes, I've tried therapy and the best advice I received was to not worry about trying to not be this way but to accept that it's part of who I am.

* I do not have a formal college education but I know a lot of things. Prior to joining my family I didn't really have that many resources for education and school for myself was not about education it as just about trying to do enough to graduate and get it over with. After joining my family I was embarrassed that Steve's older daughters were younger than me and they knew so much more than I did. I redid high school as a home school curriculum, worked on my attention problems, and after I got reading glasses found that I liked to read.
Steve has a huge library of political and military books and that's what was there to read and now I like some of that stuff and I also like to read fiction! I NEVER read any fiction growing up and now I read it all the time. I'm right now reading the story Ivanhoe and then will be working my way through a collection of classic stories that the older girls had.
I'm also trying to work on my writing. I write what's on my mind and some of it's offensive to some people (I'm effed up, right?).

* I post on political sites and one in particular I favor called Free Republic. What got me started on the site is that it's all text with no advertising and it's easy to use over a really bad wifi/DSL connection. Yahoo Messenger is mostly useless to me anymore because it's hard to use unless I'm on the computer and no one else is using the net at the same time. I also post on chicken discussion groups, cooking forums, family forums, and breast feeding forums. I had an account on Tumblr which was an outlet for me and that's been ruined by this bully.

I have NOT had active accounts on dating or poly dating sites since I met my family on the Sac Poly Yahoo Group site. About four or five years ago an internet stalker/bully/idiot signed me up for a pile of dating sites and some really disgusting things and all but one of the dating sites ended up cancelling the accounts for me. The one site let me change the password and after I removed all of the content from the profile the account has been inactive ever since.

* I am an autodidact. That means I am self-taught. I learned that from someone on Free Republic...which is part of why I like that site. I've learned a lot there. In the past year or so I've made a serious effort to improve my vocabulary and I intend to use it whether or not it upsets anyone else.

* I'm obsessive compulsive. It is not a disorder to me because I direct it to things where it becomes a gift and not a curse. I like repetitive things like quilting so I make quilts and donate them to people who need them. I've mastered target shooting much to the joy of my husband! I'm also taking up knitting.

I hope none of this bothers any of you but there it is.

And to the person who felt like it was his/her personal mission in life to attack me I'd like to invite you to go to hell. You will not scare me or intimidate me.

- Megan


  1. 1 of 2

    Hi, ‘m the person who wanted you to "be honest."

    Now here's some of my honesty. I have NO interest in harming you personally or your family. The ranch comment was only related to the fact that I doubted your story about the type of place you live. It is not the goal of my comments at all, to harm or out you IRL. I'm sorry if you've dealt with people who want to take things offline - I don't.

    I feel honestly bad about this now. There was so much that didn't add up. I couldn't understand why you would seem so nice on here and so harsh politically (not talking about your views per se, but how you express them - we all have to coexist - and can do so without being disagreeable. Heck, I'm from a fundamentalist Christian background and I'd defend you on poly and get called a heretic for that..)

    My concern came up because yeah, I did see your Tumblr. And when so much else didn't add up - and the stuff you were talking about - look, if you WERE a fake and a guy there'd be reason to be concerned about that stuff because if you were not who you say you were, had those interests and were defending getting married at 16 or whatever, then yeah, that would definitely concern me! It's only natural because violence and exploitation of vulnerable women is something I'm on guard about - precisely because there ARE internet frauds and predators.

    I've been told I may have asbergers and OCD. I don't do social cues well and can be very literal and logical and judicial about how I approach the world. It isn't out of hate, it's just about my wiring. doesn't make how i talked to you ok, just adding some context, as you did.

    I may not agree with your politics but i applaud your desire to educate yourself. The same happened to me. I was homeschooled. I didn't get higher education and my parents were rabidly right wing fundamentalists. A lot of what I experienced and saw as I grew up didn't fit neatly into those boxes, so I developed my own mix of views. It doesn't fit neatly into any party, but got me labeled as a terrible socialist liberal by the people I grew up with - despite the fact I work my ass off and try to treat all people equally, both sides have their problems with me i guess.. anyways..I learned from travel and reading and just thinking it thru myself, but now everyone i grew up with in small towns hates me and thinks i'm some coastal elitist..well, whatever i guess. People are rude regardless. There's asshole lefties and righties, and history is written by the winners - we all have limits in our knowledge and perspective shapes us. Thats why we have hundreds of political parties and communities in the world, diversity is nature.

    Anyways. I.. i give. I'm sorry. I was concerned but obviously my concern wasn't expressed properly, and it hurt you. But I really admire you for opening up. I wish you no harm, no threat, and I want to be clear on that. It was all "online" stuff and I hope you and your family have a peaceful and wonderful thanksgiving.

    It took courage to even write a response, and I appreciate that very much.

    1. Threatening to "reveal" or "expose" stuff about someone because you personally are concerned or icked out by something is bullshit. That's harassment. I know the tumblr and what was on it. I saw every post. You had no reason to try to wreck Megan's personal life by trying to paint her as a bad person. Attempting to characterize her as supporting "violence and exploitation of vulnerable women" is insane, and it's horrifying that you thought it would be ok to do that. What a person thinks about is no one's business and no one should be hated for their thoughts. You might as well have been planning to break up a marriage because you overheard someone say that a porn video about cheating is hot. Megan never did anything to hurt or endanger anyone, and nothing she posted even opened the possibility that she'd support violence or abuse. You were completely in the wrong.

  2. 2 of 2

    I'm also a little jealous. What you have.. I dont know. Its not for everyone but its also got elements of things I like. Not to make me sound like a victim, life is what it is, but I tried, for so long to play by the fucking rules. Grow up, go to church, work hard, meet a nice girl, plan to get married, nice girl fcks someone else, meet someone else, care for her, she gets over her rotten ex, then cheats on you with someone like him.. and so it goes.

    The idea that that love deficit, all the love I feel like I've never had, could be in some unorthodox way, where people live unashamed like that, and are fiercely loyal to their husband and family, blows my mind. Your husband has that, not only once but several times over.. and after decades of the dating BS, I just.. i dont want what someone else has, but I want the love that can be mine too.

    Anyways, I cant "blackmail" you for anything. I don't want anything. I wanted truth.. and now that i have it, i feel.. i dont know. Intrigued but not better. I feel like I upset you and now that makes me feel like shit. You didn't deserve it.

    Anyways. I'll knock off the rambling. I hope you wont post this.. but i just wanted you to know.

    I wish you peace and happiness. If it's ok with you, I think I'll pass on the going to hell thing though.. ;)

    the poster formerly known as bully

    1. All I ask is just don't do this to anyone else okay?

      Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.

      - Megan

  3. Hey.. I wont do this to anyone else, but could you please take my comments down? I'd prefer they not be public (I know, like i have the right to ask that..) anyways.. thank you.

  4. You posted your comments anonymously and I don't see anything in them that would identify you in any way so if it's all the same to you I'd like to leave your comments up because maybe other people have had the same questions.

    And I take back the request on where you should go.




  5. Your answers were great, I'd just prefer not to have the whole political/my personal history rant out there. Up to you, i'm just asking. Anyways. Best to you and your family. It is truly great to be secure and loved.

  6. Dear Megan,
    I've often wondered why you maintain this blog. You answered my question when you wrote "here I always feel like I'm talking to my friends." I think this blog exists for the purpose of creating a sense of being among friends for you.

    But is not true. You are not among friends. You do not know the people to whom you are opening yourself up. You have chosen a completely unprotected and dangerous place to create an imaginary "safe zone."

    Revealing that you are a Freeper, tells me a lot. The Free Republic is also an illusionary space, and it's a place for people with anger management problems to go and feel they are among friends.

    I'm a lot older than you Megan. I can tell you that life provides one endless stages and opportunities to hide from one's real problems.
    warm regards,

  7. Megan,I am thankful for you. I'm new to this lifestyle and trying to learn. This is only maybe the third "new" post I've read. I'm up to July now I think (from the beginning). - anyway, I wanted you to know I still haven't figured out how to see your replies to me...if you reply. But I am still readying from the beginning. - Christi just found out she's pregnant and you've been married just over 2 mo. My husband of 19 years asked me to find a new way to "get some perspective" from others, and I found you. I'm so very thankful yours is the one I landed on. - I'm Jacy

    1. Welcome! I hope all the stuff I've written over the years proves to be helpful to you! I look forward to seeing your own posts on your blog, too!