Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Answers to Questions!

Happy June!

I gave it some extra time on the questions and will answer the ones from my blog plus a couple from email:

Helene wrote:

If you are interested in having a Facebook page, why not create one? There is nothing illegal about your living arrangement, and isn't it time to stop worrying about what others think? I know that you are waiting for polygamy to be legalized, but people may not even be using Facebook anymore by the time that happens. Just a thought.

The problem we have is that polygamy IS illegal even though it hasn't been prosecuted lately. We don't need to attract attention like the Brown family did and end up with legal problems. We also have children and we don't need scrutiny from social workers because they can just take our kids away from us and because we're poly we will have a very hard time getting them back.

I personally don't care if polygamous marriage is ever made legal. All I really want is for us to be left alone and for us not to risk losing our kids if we go public and announce that we love each other and live with each other.

Marcus wrote:

1. Any regrets?
2. Is six children enough?
3. Will there be any more wives in the house?
4. Any worries about brucellosis with the bison?
5. Are you happy?


1. Yes. I regret I didn't grow up in a more normal family and that my mother and father were more interested in their drugs than they were in me. I regret that my brother died when he did.

2. Six children is enough! But will there be more? Probably. I might have as many as ten or twelve children before I stop having kids. We're really doing good financially and it is not a burden on us. At this point I am doing pretty good with the pregnancies and as long as there are no more twins the pregnancies have been easy enough.

3. No. Four is enough.

4. We haven't had any problems with brucellosis (Praise God!) and we're careful to watch for any possible contact with elk or wild bison to prevent it from hitting our herd.

5. Compared to my life before marriage, yes I am. This isn't perfect, I know, but I have a loving family, we have food on the table, no bill collectors call us, no police bust in the door at 3am in the morning, and there are no drugs and no epic fights in the house. This is the happiest I've been in ten years!

Anonymous wrote:

In your much earlier blog posts you hinted about your first time with Steve not being completely consensual. Care to elaborate?

I will do my best to answer this. I think this also answers part of the next question that Robyn wrote.

To start off my first sexual experience was when my meth-head father raped me at age 16. That messed me up pretty bad and I know it will be with me in some way or another all the rest of my life. It has been easier since my father died but I still have issues.

When I was 17 my mother was wrapped up in drugs and I was wanting to love and be loved and I had a serious urge to have a baby and be a mom. When the FLDS raid in Texas happened I was taken with the idea of women who lived together with a man so they were not alone with him and that was something I wanted to look at. I looked at some groups online and when I eventually met my family things moved really fast. In less than two months of knowing the family I was married and even though it was my choice to put off the wedding night I chose to be traditional.

Steve gave me my privacy in the bedroom and I was undressed and waiting for him in bed. He came to bed and when things started to happen I was scared mostly because of my first experience and not Steve and he knew this. So he just took charge and got it over with so we could move past it. Six years later I think he did the right thing for me.

Robyn wrote:

Why did you choose this lifestyle and are you happy with the choice?
What are the high points (Other than your children) of living with your family and is there anything you regret with your decision?


Not being alone with a man was a very big reason for me to choose poly and I also liked it because I like having friends built into the relationship. I am happy with the choice and where a lot of people can't imagine living like this I can't imagine living in a house with just a husband and kids. Who do I get to talk to when he's at work? And I really never wanted to work as a career so being a mom is what I wanted and poly people are mostly traditional in a lot of ways so this let me be a mom and stay home all the time.

The other high points for me is that with other women in the house the chores get done easier. It's also easy to get time away from my kids because there is always someone who can watch them for me so I can take time for a break. I do the same for them too. We share on breast feeding too and that is a HUGE thing because with a newborn that means I can usually get solid sleep if someone else can watch the baby and feed the baby for me. And then I do the same for my sister wives.

Caring for and feeding the babies is a huge thing to me and it makes me feel very close to and very loving on my sister wives! How can you ever be mad at someone who gets up at 2am and breast feeds your baby so you can sleep? Or if it has to happen they can get up and bring the baby to me so I can feed him or her without getting out of bed.

I seriously think a lot of 'normal' women are missing such a wonderful thing when they don't have another woman in the house with them! You will never have closer friends and I say that because my old friends ended up leaving me when I came into this family. My friend Carmen hasn't returned a message in forever and she was my closest friend from before.

Regrets. I have a few but they're more like daydream things like "What if?" and not really regrets. The truth is that I did what was right for me at the time I did it. If I didn't do this I would have missed out on so much and one thing is I would have missed out on the homeschooling with the older girls. I basically did high school all over again with them and I learned SO MUCH! My writing improved, I learned math, I learned history, and so much more. Sometimes the blessings from this decision haven't been obvious and I only see them as I look back at who I was before.

Questions from Erica in email:

1. Are you still wearing prairie dresses?
2. Do you enjoy sex with your husband or is it something you have to do?
3. Would you want your daughters to be poly?
4. Does your church have "extra" boys like the FLDS?

1. I never said we wore prairie dresses. A farm dress is just a simple dress you can wear around a farm or ranch. This is a farm dress like something we would wear around here:


2. Yes, I enjoy sex! And it is sometimes something I have to do. If my husband comes to me and wants my attention then unless I am really not in the mood or sick or something then I will be there for him because he works hard to provide for my children and me.

3. I want my daughters to be happy. However they decide to do that is up to them.

4. No, we do not kick people out like can happen with the FLDS. Our church has actually taken in some FLDS boys and they have turned out to be really nice men.

A question from Dan from email:

I'd love to know more about the role of touch (in your family) and how touch is important to you.

We touch each other all the time. Sometimes it's just a touch on the back, someone caressing your hair, or maybe holding your hand when we're watching TV at night. But there is always a loving touch happening and it is sometimes hard to deal with people in the "real world" who are so uncomfortable with just a simple touch. You can tell no one ever touches them and that they never touch anyone else. Part of it is this sickness in the world where some sick people think everything is sexual harassment or sexual assault. If that is how you see the world then you should plan on being very, very lonely!

I grew up without a lot of touching and it was a big adjustment to get used to intimate but non-sexual touching in this family. The kids cuddle up with us and we cuddle up with each other and we comb hair for each other and all sorts of other little things that a lot of people don't do and that's just sad.

How people don't get depressed or go crazy living their lives without anyone ever touching them or being in fear of touching someone else because they might get offended is mind-boggling to me!

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I hope that answers everything!

- Megan