Wow! Lots of questions on the last post. I am up late and checked in and will try to do a decent job answering all this.
First, thank you to Drea about the jobs in Canada. We are really aware of that. In some jobs like truck driving the money is better in Canada but in some other jobs not so much. I think it evens out.
1. Is it pretty normal in the poly families in your church for the
dads/husbands to work away from home so much? (like travelling) It seems
like that would make it even harder to have relationship and feel even
more like "brood mares" :-( I am in a one man/one woman marriage and
when hubby is gone more than 12 hours I cry.
No, it is not normal. It is just that we need the money and the opportunity is there so that is where Steve wants to be right now. He is making a LOT of money and it is really helping us get back to normal. He says at most he will do one more year of it but by this time next year he will quit and be home all the time.
2. You said a looong time ago that your dad had stolen your innocence
from you when he was in a drug high, but you had said in the first few
entries that you lost your virginity right before becoming part of the
poly community. I am so sorry about all of it - the dad stuff and the
losing your virginity to a guy who didn't matter - I just wondered if
you could clarify for me was it that your dad raped you or "just" hurt
you/molested you? Either way is utterly heinous I am just trying to tie
it all together.
When I was 16 my father raped me. I hope you don't mind but that's all I think needs to be said.
3. Do you guys believe like the FLDS that there is marriage in heaven
and that there are greater rewards for poly families? Do you believe
that salvation is found through earthly work? Like a reward?
No. Mostly because we are not Mormons. We are Christians and salvation is up to each of us to find on our own. Poly is not something that is rewarded and I have never heard anyone say anything like that. Salvation is through faith in Jesus alone. There is no magical thing you can do on earth that God cares about because He is God and everything is His already. The gift of salvation is free and the hardest thing for people to do is to just say Thank You and accept it! It is one of the hardest things I am trying to do.
4. How can I be praying for you? I can have a glamorous view of "sister
wives" at times (hey it would be nice to have someone to talk to when
hubby is gone, to have someone to have sex with him when I am tired or
grouchy, to have someone who is not infertile to bring children into our
marriage...), but I know that you are a human being just like everyone
else and that having sister wives has blessings and trials - so how can I
pray for you? :)
How can you be praying for me? Pray for me that I can be more accepting and that I can stop living in the past. Those are my big problems. Everything else I am just thankful for.
Poly is not glamorous! It is a lot of hard work, it means a lot of sacrifice because my choice meant leaving my mom and my friends behind me in my old life, it is also a big test of how much you can trust someone else to be in control of everything in your life. That is one of the hard things too is to trust everyone.
5. What is your favorite bible verse? what version of the Bible do you
use? Do you have a favorite pastor other than your own? Like, do you
listen to sermons outside of your church?
My favorite passage right now is Psalm 25. We use the NIV and the KJV and some people use other Bibles. I have two Bibles. One is an NIV and the other is a study Bible with the NIV and then footnotes so you can see what other translations have to say if there is a difference. Our current Pastor is really nice but I always liked our last Pastor. I have been to an Assembly of God church in town with a friend from work and it was nice.
oh and any form of discipline for the kiddos - do you get "their mom" or
do you handle it yourself? If you do handle it and they disagree do
they undermine you?
We don't really have any serious problems with the kids but yeah sometimes I might say something and if it is wrong the deal is everyone backs me up in front of the kids and then says something to me in private. That only happened with Steve's older daughters and not with the little kids. I would do the same thing for anyone else if it came up.
The Preacher's Kid asked some stuff too:
I'm curious about how things are supposed to unfold between Cydne and
your husband. I know you said she's staying to earn money and help out
for a few months but I'm wondering if they're "dating"* as well in the
meantime? Or will things between them be completely platonic until or unless Cydne decides to join the family permanently?
Nothing is going on right now simply because Steve is not here. If anything ever happens with them in the future that is up to them. Things will stay pretty platonic unless Cydne wants to get married into the family.
*for lack of a better term -it sounds like your family doesn't exactly believe in the mainstream version of dating.
Our church does not believe in the mainstream version of dating. Look at the world and look at what dating means anymore. People sleep together all the time and think nothing about it and then people live together and then break up and move out if they want to and it is all really cheap and the people who do this stuff all end up pretty unhappy. I don't think the way the church likes to do things is perfect but then I can see why they do things this way because it takes the sin out of the courtship. I mean you get to date each other for a while but once you start courting there comes a time when you have to make up your mind to do something more or to move on.
On that unhappy thing one thing I have noticed when I talk to people here is how few people use drugs for depression. It is not an easy life but it seems the hard work and all makes you happier or else it doesn't leave you much time to think about why you are sad. I think about myself and if I had stayed at home I know I would be depressed. I was really depressed when I married Steve and it amazes me now that he took me in because I was really not a lot of fun to be around some times.
I guess this way works for us.