Saturday, March 19, 2011

Candice's Question

From Candice:

I had a bit of a question: I follow a lot of Muslim blogs and polygamy is coming up SO MUCH lately. I really see the contrast between the life they lead and your's. As you might know, polygamy in Islam is a bit different. It's normally not a big family like your's, but more about a husband going from one home to the other, both wives and her children living separately from each other. What do you feel are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? Would you give up the sisterhood you have with your wives and the "big family" feel to have more of a one-on-one relationship with husband and only only you, him and your children to take care of?

I guess I am used to this and I really like it. But it could be hard if you didn't like your sisterwives and maybe that's something the Muslims think about. I also think the Muslim men don't want to be outnumbered in the house. Steve sometimes has to deal with the fact that three women will sometimes outvote his opinion and sometimes he will say he doesn't want something to happen and we all do it anyway.

Two years ago when I was thinking about this (I just had my 2nd Anniversary! Yay!) a big thing that made me want to do this was the thing that I would not be alone with a man but would have another woman to have as a friend in the house. It was a million percent different when I got married than what I thought it would be but I am still sure about this one part and I love my sisterwives and would never want to be living alone without them.


  1. Thanks for answering my question and happy 2nd anniversary!

    I think you found a good point. Lots of Muslim men who decide to be polygamous are the MEN of the house and they make all the decisions. They wouldn't accept two women coming together to veto a decision. It just wouldn't fly! Dividing them is better for the man to maintain his power.

    I personally feel that polygamy must be SO difficult to work in the "Muslim way". How can at least one of the wives not feel somehow cheated on? The way you live, it's not for everyone, but for someone who makes the decision to live that life, it seems like there might be less insecurities for the women because they actually know their co-wives and function with them, and they can see interactions between the wives and husband instead of seeming to be in an exclusive relationship when you know he's with another one day out of two and don't really know what's going on there (with the Muslim polygamy).

    I'm Muslim but I support this "style" of polygamy a lot more than what I normally see from Muslims to be honest.

  2. If Steve were suddenly not there (as in BigLove) would you wives all stay together as a family unit and raise your children together? Or is Steve what holds the family together and if he weren't there you would simply be single mothers and drift appart over time?

  3. Actually the reason the women live in different households in Muslim Polygyny is it is a requirement to support them individually. It really doesn't have anything to do with the husband needing to keep them divided. Also, he must treat them equally in Islam or he will be punished in the hereafter. The Qur'an allows polygyny only conditionally, it specifically the men if they cannot be fair then marry only one.

  4. As a former Muslim, I would like to give my opinion of Muslim polygamy verses Megan's family's style:

    With Muslim men, poly is about THEIR needs, not the family's needs. He wants to f**** someone else, or HE wants to have more kids or more sons.

    With the poly Megan married into, the family's needs are what brought her in, not just her husband wanting to sleep with someone else. It was a family decision, not just "I'm getting another wife, deal with it!". Megan married the family, not just her hubby (didn't mean it to sound like a orgy or anything sorry lol).

    Plus all, husband and wives together, are equal partners financially, none of this half inheritance, or having to fight to get a divorce if one is unhappy.

    I've enjoyed reading your blog. You have a very unique perspective on poly life. Keep it up!