Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
School is going really good. I am making some nice friends at school and last night I worked at a party that one of them was catering. It was a lot of fun and it is something that I'll probably do again sometime.
Christie is trying for a baby again and has been with Steve again and in a way I don't mind because I am wanting to spend more time studying lately. She's really just happy to be loved and it is not so much about the baby thing this time or at least right now. I am not sure how to say this right but it is sort of nice to be close enough to Christie to know that she needed time with Steve and then to see her feel better after and know what I was thinking was right makes me feel good. It's nice to be that close to someone.
Stevie is excited and scared and happy about her wedding next week and I think she is a little crazy that there is nothing to do right now. We are all set to go with everything. The county signed off on her marriage certificate so the legal part is done and the only thing left is the wedding. Her wedding dress is REALLY pretty! Her fiance is taking two weeks off from work for their honeymoon and they will be going to a romantic bed and breakfast in Monterey for three days and then coming home. I'm really excited for her and especially because she and her fiance are so in love! It's really cute to see them together.
Shari is a little sad to see the first of her daughters move out. Lauren is next to go in a few years but she will be going to college. Lauren is getting really serious about wanting to be a doctor and she is really smart so she will probably do really good at it.
The chickens are laying eggs. They started laying a little in the last couple weeks but now they are all going at it and we are getting about 4 dozen a day. It is a lot of eggs and I am selling the extra eggs to the neighbors for now. There is a 'slow food' thing in Roseville that wants organic free range eggs and I am going to be selling the eggs at their place starting next month. They say they will sell them for $4 per dozen and pay me $3 per dozen. At least that will start paying for the chicken feed. The chickens are all on lay crumble now and it comes in 50 pound bags.
Macy is doing better. She is who I was asking prayer for. She was having this "OMG WTF did I do?" thing going on and we let her stay with us for a couple nights before she went back home. Her family is being really good about it and some of the problem is Macy is pretty messed up from her old life and that makes her like a lot of people here so she fits in just fine. I think she will be okay.
The new about Jaycee Dugard was something! It is so stinking scary that something like that could happen for 18 years and only one other time did anyone notice it. I am so praying for her and we sent a check to help her and her daughters and her family.
I hope you all don't mind but I am asking that anyone who can spare some money would send a check to help.
Jaycee Dugard Trust Fund
C/O View Tech Financial Services
P.O. Box 596
Atwood, CA 92811
The man who did this thing sounds so crazy. It is sad that he wasn't crazier so he would have got caught sooner.
I wish there was more I could do.
It is hot and I am thinking it is time to go for a swim. I bought some sunscreen for swimming and Steve is not so happy about it because it put a film on the water in the pool that he had to skim off. So I will just swim for a while and come back in and then maybe go swimming again later tonight.
That is it for right now.
Vanilla ice cream, rum infused blueberry sauce, and a sprig of mint.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I'm going to school in a minute but wanted to post some things.
I don't have any recipes for anything other than bread and sauce yet but I will post some when I have them, I promise!
I need a little prayer for a situation with a friend. I can't say too much more than that but it is important.
Friday, August 21, 2009
We sort of got out early from class today but we have homework so I have some cooking to do later on.
Things are pretty normal here and I think it is a blessing. Christie got the okay from the doctor to try for a baby again and she has been doing that. Emmy is on the bottle and soft food and that helped a lot with Christie.
I noticed the nasty comments stopped on the blog so I am trying it again without the moderation. I am crossing my fingers that this turns out okay. It can always be turned on again if it is needed.
Macy is very happy with her new family and I am also kind of happy that I have a new friend. She has been nice company a lot of times and having her just a few miles away is kind of nice.
The planning for Stevie's wedding is done. Yay! We are doing the wedding here and the ceremony will be out on the lawn. I think it will be a nice time.
Steve lost a bid for a job he was wanting to do for October and so right now it looks like he might not be working that month. I am sort of happy he will be home and have some time off but I know it bothers him we won't have the money from the job.
I need to stop there and go do some chores I need to do.
Hope you all have a nice weekend!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
On Monday we started with sauces and I know this sounds stupid but I never thought of apple sauce as a sauce! LOL! We got to learn all sorts of different apple sauces and tonight I am going to do an apple sauce with carmelized apples over vanilla ice cream for a dessert.
We will be on sauces in the mornings for two more weeks and in the afternoons we are doing a class on food cost and it is not that boring really.
Things at home are pretty good and just normal for a change. Nothing is really exciting and that is kind of good. Steve is talking about the weather for December to April and how he is off most of the time in those months and I am looking forward to that.
Macy is doing fine with her family and telling me things that I was telling people a few months ago and it is weird to be the one who knows what is going on for a change.
It is about 80 out right now and it is kind of nice to see the summer start to turn into fall. Some of our trees are already dropping leaves. The apples are looking pretty good and should be okay in a month or so.
The comment moderation really cut the number of comments down and for right now I don't mind. It is nice to come on here and it is just peaceful.
That is all for now. I hope your night is as good as mine looks like it will be!
Red and yellow in the leaves promising a new season ahead.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
But if I was not able to have kids then I would not have been with this family. Shari is very set that she wants more children in the house so my being able to have kids is a big deal. I'm okay with that because I want to have kids anyway.
FallenStar had a great comment that is really worth its own post.
Megan, I for one am a bit disappointed in what you said about not loving Steve before you married him. I may be old fashion or have different beliefs, But I think that Marriage and Love go together. I think it is hurtful for anyone to marry someone without loving them first. This is a big reason my husband and I currently do not have a sister-wife, since our last breakup. We have met a few woman that we like and everything clicks, but when the big question is asked She said she doesn't love us yet, but wants to marry us and let the love grow. We refuse the marriage and instead opt. to date and let the love grow. The women then say never mind and leave.
Does Steve and your sister-wives know that you didn't love Steve when you married him? What would you of done, if now five months later you still didn't love him? What if you two had a baby together and you still didn't love him?
I am glad that you do Love him now and that is what counts, but a bit disappointed that you didn't at first. But overall, I am glad that things have worked out for you and that the love is there now.
This really was something that was a very big concern to me back in February and March before (and after) the wedding. I liked Steve and I liked the family but I wasn't all mushy in love with them. But this is the way they do things.
I had asked Pastor Jeff why the big rush on getting married and why not let people love each other first and he said that one problem with poly families is trust and trust is most important than love. He said you can have trust and not love but love without trust won't last very long at all. My marrying Steve and the family was a way for me to say I trust them and them letting me marry into the family said they trusted me. Everyone makes a big deal about the risk I took doing this but they don't see the big risk the family took doing this.
If I leave here I have a right to ask for 25% of the value of everything in the family trust to take with me. That's their big risk in letting me join the family so it goes both ways. The big thing then at the start is everyone saying they trust each other and then you build on that. I never really trusted anyone before and I had really good reasons for that and to think that these people risked their home and everything that I would work out as part of the family is pretty awesome.
It sounds weird, but if someone trusts you with everything they have it becomes easy to start loving them because you already know you all trust each other.
One of my emails a few months ago was from a woman in Canada who went to India when she was 16 and her family had her marry this guy she did not know. Her family had arranged the marriage when she was born and they did not tell her about it until she was in India and being told she was there for her wedding. She said her first month was just awful but then time went by and her husband turned out to be a really good guy. He was a lot older than she would have picked on her own but he was also a good man to her and she eventually loved him. She did not allow her kids to be put in arranged marriages just because they live in Canada and that is not how it is done but she said what I had was like an arranged marriage and she said the way those work is you have to trust your parents to choose a good husband or wife for you and then you learn to love that person.
For me here it has been easy and hard sometimes to learn to love and to let myself open my heart to love this family. Some people commented in the past that this is like a fantasy and too good to be true and don't you all think I see it that way too? I kept waiting to see what they were really like here and kept waiting to see someone yell or scream or fight over something and it never happened. It is still on my mind that I expect things to get ugly but that is just my old life speaking to me and not my new life. I mean like little arguments here never, ever blow up into screaming or anything. It just never happens.
It is a little complicated but I trust them to be who they say they are. And after I started trusting them it just naturally happened that I loved them one day.
With Steve I had only known him just more than a month when we got married and my friend Steady used the word traumatic to describe my wedding night when I talked to her about it. That was a good way to describe it. I think that part would have been a lot easier if I loved Steve first but then it was my decision to make my first time with him on our wedding night so the problems I had were all on me. I'm serious that I was allowed to be married but could have waited for the wedding night if I wanted to. I just had it in my head that I wanted to have as much a traditional wedding as I could so I wanted a wedding night just because it was a thing to do.
When I say the next few things remember this was all my choice and the feelings and problems I had were all things for me to deal with. Steve, Shari, Christie, and everyone was nothing but nice to me and wonderful to me when I married into the family.
I was so not ready to be married! I had no clue what all it meant and I was really selfish in wanting things for myself and not thinking about what it meant to actually have those things. Pastor Jeff said to me one day be careful what you wish for because you might get it. Me marrying Steve was not just about me it was about what I could do to make this family a better family. All I was thinking about was how this was going to make me happy and how I was going to get what I wanted and thinking about what other people needed from me wasnt something I ever stopped to think about. I wished for something and got it but never stopped to think of how what I wanted was going to effect the people around me.
I probably posted this before but I wanted a baby and never stopped to think about that you usually have sex to have a baby. I also never stopped and thought about what you do on your wedding night.
Like I said remember the wedding night was all my choice okay?
When the bedroom door closed and I was alone with Steve and I had said it was okay to let's do something together it was like it was too late to back out. Honestly, at that point I could have said to Steve I needed to wait and he would have because he is that kind of man. Instead I went ahead and let things go and then I decide to change my mind right as things got started and then I got to find out that Steve is a man and a real person and you don't play with that. Then when it came to the time to finish things I realized that I really could be having a baby with Steve and it could happen in the next few seconds and that was scary as hell.
Later on Steve said he knew I was mixed about that first time and said he thought I would be better if we got the first time out of the way and I hate to say it but he was right. I mean it was something I basically wanted but I wanted a baby in a real way and then I was also afraid to take and be serious about what all that meant. Steve just took and got it over with and things got better after that. Way better!
But this all went back to trust. I trusted Steve when I was in bed with him and he trusted me, too. We built on that and one day he told me he loved me and he did it with this look in his eye like he would die if I broke his heart. I was starting to love him but when he said that to me that way it was like my heart just opened up and said YEAH! and I knew I loved him! I love him so much now sometimes it hurts to be away from him. He can come home from work and I will be missing him so much that I just take his hand and off we go! I went from being stupid and scared five months ago with him to now sometimes I want to be with him so bad it is like I don't relax until he is making love to me. I want him as close as he can be to me.
I've had other moments like that with Shari and Christie and the girls and the babies where it just hits me that I love them. I know Shari is a sisterwife but I honestly love her like the mom I wished I had growing up. She is just so motherly to me and everyone and she just does some things for me that have made me cry when I think of them like she will sit next to me sometimes and pet my hair and it just makes me feel really close to her but like a mother-daughter thing.
I have been frustrated with trying to love Shari as a friend and sister and it was one of thise things with me being selfish and not loving her for who she is to me and not for what I want her to be. We talked about it last night and she was straight up saying she just can't help but see me like another daughter and she says it isn't like I don't need to have some things taught to me and I decided to just accept this and her the way it is. Christie is my sisterwife and Shari is my momwife. Okay! :-P I know someday we will be more like sisters but for right now I am okay with this and after thinking about it I kind of like it too.
Christie was easy to love. She is like the rebel sister of the family and she is a lot of fun. We are very close and very much sisterwives and she loves me being in the family because she has sort of the same momwife relationship with Shari that I do. Christie has been the person I get to talk about Steve with and she knows everything I want to talk about and she has been a great person to talk to when I have had bedroom problems or questions or when I want to have a friend I can be a silly girlfriend with.
But all of it is built on trust and it is okay to do that. Trust is like a foundation for love and you can have love without trust but then it is like a house without a foundation.
Fallen Star I am saying the next part to you.
It hurts me a little to think you said no to someone who was honest and trusting you enough to tell you she didn't love you but was willing to let it grow. What if she had lied to you and said she loved you? You would have let her into your family and maybe you would have love but you would not have honesty and trust and what happens when your love is tested and there is no honesty and trust to depend on?
Love is really, really important but when you start out trust is more important. You just look at all the divorces in the world where someone cheats on someone else or does something else stupid that causes a divorce and then you hear the people getting divorced say they still love each other! But what they were missing was trust and without the trust their love didn't really matter and love was not enough to keep them together.
If you think about it trust is a kind of love. You trust someone you love not to break your heart. You trust people you love not to lie to you. But how long can you love someone you don't trust?
I wrote about my Canadian email friend because she learned to love her husband. Most everyone in India gets married in an arranged marriage and that happens that way in most of the world. It works just fine for them and it can work for you too. It is working for me if you think about it.
Fallen Star, I really want to thank you for a really thoughtful comment! I hope my answer explains what you asked about.
A sleepy chicken in your lap in the morning.
Friday, August 14, 2009
I will admit that it was not exactly what I wanted at first. I'm just being honest that I did not come here because I loved everyone. Thank you to Steady for asking me about that. I came here I think mostly to get away from my old life and this was the best I could do and not join the Army and that really was something I was thinking of doing.
Once I got to know everyone here I really liked what they had and I wanted it too. I will admit that I was very naive but I will also be straight up that everyone here was very honest with me and nothing was said to me that was not exactly the way it was. Everyone was very honest with me about what was expected from me if I wanted to stay and I accepted it all when they said it. When the words became real I had a lot of problems adjusting to things when I look back at it.
I didn't get into it too much on here after a point because some people just used my misgivings as a way to attack the life I had chosen. There is nothing wrong with this life but it is really, really different and I was struggling with it all. Women who have regular marriages have the same struggles and all of the divorces we see all the time are proof that just because you do it the traditional way does not mean it will work for you. I have only been here five months so it is unfair of me to say that this will work for me. I am hoping it does and it seems to get better all the time but do I know for sure? No, I don't.
It is true that I did not love Steve when we got married but I trusted that things would work out and they did. I can say I really love him now and I learn to love him more all the time. I have different relationships with Christie than I do with Shari and that is because they are not the same person and I had to learn to be fair to them both and not expect them to be the same. I had to learn to be a parent to all the kids even though I am not a lot older than they are and that was a lot harder for me than it was for them.
This choice cost me all of my old friends and that hurt me and helped me to be a part of this here. It hurt me to lose my friends but then because they left me there was a place in my heart for new friends and for a new family.
Steady and a friend from another site got me thinking about why I am here and to be honest with myself here is why:
- Starting around this time last year I really, really started to want a baby. I mean like so much it hurt not to have a baby. I know that makes me like the totally emotional teenager who wants a baby so she has someone to love and that is 100% true. A couple times I even came close to just having a fling with a guy just so I could get pregnant.
- I wanted to get away from my family. This was not so important to me as having a baby but it was important to me to get away from my mom's crazyness and to put my father and his problems behind me.
- When Christie invited me here to visit I honestly came here like on research. I was curious and wanted to see what this was like and then when I saw it and how it made my life at home look I wanted to have this too.
- Steve, Shari, and Christie all said that a condition of my being part of the family was to have children. I think they half-say this just to scare people off but for me back at the start of the year I was just sort of logical about it and thought that they want me to have a baby and I want to have a baby so my problem with this is what?
And here I am five months later. It has not been perfect for me but 99% of the problems I have had here are all me. Steve, Shari, Christie, and the girls are the most wonderful people and we have normal problems but when we have what I call "We" problems it is mostly something in my heart or in my head that is the problem. Having some really good friends online has really helped me work out some of those problems so they don't get in the way of my happiness here.
Different subject before I stop for lunch...
We had our final last night at school and I am home today. I did okay and got a 91 out of 100 and the teacher gave me an A- for my grade so I am pretty happy about that. I was not on here a lot during the study part of school because it is not easy for me to study. Maybe I might have more time now.
On Monday we start with sauces and that will be every morning until lunch time and then in the afternoon we will start on breads and rolls. The best part is we get to take home everything we bake! Yay! I know it is not free bread and stuff but it feels like it. It will be nice to start learning things I can actually start using at home.
It is now lunch time. I might be on later. Have a nice weekend everyone!
Peace and quiet on a patio with a cool breeze.
I deleted my post from last night and will moderate all comments from now on.
Someone told me that I had to deal with the real world and that some of the personal insults are just something I have to deal with. But this is my blog and just like my house I don't have to put up with guests who have no respect for me or the other people who post here. If you can't respect that then you know where the door is.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
One of the guys at my school is being a pest with trying to get me to go out with him. I told him that I was married and he doesn't seem to care. One of my email friends told me restaurant people can be a little slutty and I guess with some of them that is true. It is helping me get over the idea of working in a restaurant when I graduate. I am thinking I might do catering because that is something I can do from home and it is not a full time job. You just work when there is work to do and the rest of the time I can be with my family.
The morning teacher was asking us about supporting President Obama and his health care thing and he was not so happy when I told him I think people need to take responsibility for themselves instead of asking the government and everyone else to do this for them. I didn't have health care until I came here so I know what it is like and the reason my parents didn't have health care is because my father wanted his drugs more than anything else and then my mom would not spend the money. Who's fault was that? Yeah it sucked to be me but then would it be right for me to say to everyone else to pay for my health care because my parents wanted drugs and a new car more than they cared about something really important? I know I am lucky now to be where I am but Steve and Christie are not lucky because they work really hard to make sure the family has everything we need and it would not be fair for the government to take away what we have just because someone else isn't doing what it takes to have those things too. Pastor Jeff talks about how envy is a sin and this subject really makes the point why it is bad. You hear people slamming on people who they call rich as if they got that way by magic or by winning a lottery. You have to wonder if it would make them feel better if everyone was poor and no one was rich?
Sort of like how some people post on the comments here upset that I am happy. Would it make them feel better if I was not happy? If I was miserable again would that do anything to make their life better? So who cares if someone else is rich because them being rich doesn't make you poor. You make you poor. My father could have had a good job and we could have been a lot happier but he loves drugs more than anyone else so he made us poor and my mom went along with a lot of it.
The teacher did not make me so happy asking the question because I am going to school to learn how to cook and I am not going there to talk about politics. That was something I really hated in high school was all the teachers pushing their politics all the time. I guess I needed to get this out because I felt a little cheated having to have someone tell me about President Obama when I was up late to study something that was supposed to be why I was in class this morning.
Politics is something I never cared for all that much. Arguing about stuff is not my idea of a good time but some people really enjoy it and I guess that is fine for them. I've had enough fighting in life people telling me what to do and having someone try to make me say what they want in class really pissed me off. Like I am supposed to repeat what they want just to make them happy?
An email friend sent me 37 questions that she sent to a lot of people and I like questions so here they are:
1. Do you like Blue cheese dressing? Yes.
2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? No. I never smoked anything.
3. Do you own a gun? No.
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? I never tried Kool Aid.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Only the OB-GYN.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? With chili and cheese! Yummy!
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Home Alone.
8 What do you prefer to drink in the morning? I'm starting to like coffee.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes. I can do about thirty before I get tired.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring.
11. Do you have A.D.D.? No.
13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? No.
14. Middle name? C is my middle name for real. My mom put it on my birth certificate and it was supposed to be Catherine but all it says is C so legally my middle name is just C. I just say it is whatever I want it to be.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I wish Steve were home. I should do some chores. It will be nice to go swimming later.
16. Name 2 or 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, milk, coffee.
17. Current worry? I want to be pregnant soon so I won't be pregnant next summer.
18. Current hate right now? People who want me to be anything but who I am.
19. Favorite place to be: That's private! (-:
20. How did you bring in the New Year? I got drunk on tequila shooters with Carmen at her house.
21. Name three people who will complete this: Carmen, Marcus, Macy.
22. Do you own slippers? Yes.
24. What color shirt are you wearing? White tee shirt.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? YES!!
26. Can you whistle? No, I never really tried.
27 Where are you now? At the kitchen table writing on my computer.
28. Would you be a pirate? I could never steal from anyone so no.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Baby got back...really! That song is so funny!
30. Favorite girls name? Laurie
31. Favorite boy's name? David
32. What is in your pocket right now? Nothing.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Seeing one of my chickens running!
35. Worst injury you've ever had? Got hit in the hand with a hoe when I was little.
36. Do you love where you live? Totally!
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? One, in the living room.
Bordelaise sauce over beef Wellington.
Monday, August 10, 2009
It has been really hot here and I was hiding in the basement where it is cool today to do some studying. Went out later on to get in a little swimming time and then it was back to the books! The studying has slowed things down with Steve at night and it is funny watching him pay more attention to Shari and Christie when he can't be with me. I mean I know it is practical if I have to study that he would spend more time with them but he is looking for more than just company and it is kind of cool to see how they sort these things out.
It has been hot and we lost a chicken. Shari thinks the hen was sort of a runt anyway so the heat just made her die sooner. I know they are supposed to be just farm animals but I really care about them all even if I don't have names for all of them. Burying a chicken is not fun.
Macy is doing really well with her new family and was over with her family tonight to go swimming so we got to talk. She says she is settling in to the house and getting used to things. She's having some trouble adjusting to some married things just because it is so new to her but then she is also enjoying a lot of it too so it all balances out.
September 26th will be the big day for Stevie to get married. She is excited about moving out and having a new life and she is also starting to see this as being something really serious. It is funny-weird to see her grow up so fast. Shari said Stevie's mood after announcing the date was "sober" and it took me a bit to get that one. 'Sober' describes it pretty good.
Speaking of sober, a few more days makes five months of marriage for me. It is hard to believe so much time has gone by! It is also hard to believe how much my life has changed in five months. I found a CD with some picture from last year and this is me with a friend drinking mojitos. I know I look happy there but I was really, really miserable and drinking and partying was my way of trying to be happy except it just made things worse.
That's me on the right.
Looking at that picture and then looking at my life now it is hard to believe I used to be that person. All the wedding talk has got me thinking of my wedding and all that changed after that and all of my old life that stopped on that day. It is hard to put into words but leaving that life was the best thing that ever happened to me and looking back at the Megan from a year ago is like looking back at someone who died and you're remembering her. I don't miss that person and I look at that picture and all I see is the sadness that was in my heart back then.
That is enough for tonight.
Hot brandied lemon sauce on raisin pudding.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The best thing was the pork tenderloin. Pork has not been my friend because everytime I cook it the meat comes out dry and tough. This time I used lingonberrry jam and rosemary on top of the tenderloin as I cooked it and then when I turned it I put more of the jam and rosemary on it. It blew me away that the same cut of meat I used to ruin came out perfectly!
I got my set of pots at school. I have NEVER seen so many pots and pans! Four different size frying pans, springform cake pans, like ten different stock pans and this gigantic 20 gallon stock pot. Some Sunday when we host the church meeting I'll be able to feed everyone. I'll get to run a restaurant for a day!
My classmates are a lot of fun. I already got picked up on by one of them and had to tell him that I was married but it was sweet the way he asked. It's almost all guys in the class except for me and this one girl who has a lot of tattoos all over her arms. She used to do roller derby up in Washington with some team called the "Betties" and she moved to California for some reason and is now in school with me. There are some ex-military guys in the class too and they are really cool. I guess I just get how they think because they say everything like it is and you don't have to play games with them to figure out what they mean or anything.
Christie is letting me drive her car to school and it has been funny that she has this really nice car and when people ask me about it I just say it belongs to my sister. Which is not completely true but it is the best and most honest thing I can think of to say.
Macy did really good with the wedding and the wedding night. I saw her the next day at church and she was really happy but dealing with life being changed from now on. That was my big thing way back was the wedding night changing everything in my life. I totally get how new brides are scared on their wedding night because the sex is the very smallest part of it. It's all the committments you are making and then you could be having a baby out of it so it all becomes so serious. Guys don't really get this part of it.
Macy is supposed to be over today to visit and it will be nice to see her and maybe talk a while and see how she is doing. I'm really excited for her that she is with people who really love her.
The weather here has been so cool for the summer. It's been in the 80's all week and the chickens are doing great! The only thing with the cool weather is our vegetables are way off schedule. We're supposed to have tomatoes in for canning and most of them are still green. We do have some pretty awesome spaghetti squash and I am now a big lover of it! You can do a lot with it like cook it in marinara sauce and then put it over pasta.
My period came and went this week so I was a little late and was wondering for a couple days but now I am 100% that I am not pregnant. Christie talked to me a long time ago about this and she went almost six months when she came here before she got pregnant. She said that every month she wasn't pregnant meant there was a new first time with Steve. It would be the first time in the new cycle for you to try making a baby. She said she was always excited about it and for me it is something I get more excited about as time goes by. It is still just a little tiny bit scary that we could be making a baby but then there are all the nice things about making love that I am really enjoying. It gets better all the time as we get to know each other better and I love how Steve knows my moods and changes what he does to fit with what I want.
I came up with my own little thought on married sex: Sex is not what you do with each other it is what you say to each other.
It's a way to say "I love you" and it's a way to say "You're important to me" and that can be so wonderful. This may sound weird but one of my favorite times with Steve was this one time I was not in the mood and he just held me and kissed me for the longest time and then I just did it for him. I wish I had the words to really explain this but it was like he cared so much for me that he wasn't pushy or anything so then it made me want to make him happy too.
I could so write about this all day! I know none of this is new for most of the people who read this but for me it is like a whole new world and I feel like the first person to explore it.
Time for me to stop and go catch up on my email! Have a nice weekend!
The smell of coffee in the morning.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Other than Macy's brother everything was wonderful at the wedding and on Sunday Macy was all smiles at the church meeting. I haven't had a chance to talk to her in private to see how it all went but I am thinking everything is what she wanted.
I lol'd at Demoiselle's comments. I guess 21 is 'barely legal' where she comes from.
Some people just live to find fault with other people and you have to wonder what is so bad in their lives that they have to look at other people and criticize and destroy. Because if they stop and look at themselves they might see the things that need to be fixed in their own life.
It is so weird that a little of the best Biblical advice came from Michael Jackson:
I'm Starting With The Man In
I'm Asking Him To Change
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
Take a look at yourself and make the change.
Time for school.
Fresh flowers on your bedside in the morning.