Saturday, May 30, 2009
How do you and your sisterwives feel about birth control? Does the church take a particular position on this that influences you?
The church does not allow birth control except for women who doctors say should not have anymore babies for health reasons. This is so everyone takes it very seriously when they commit to each other and for when they have sex. I will admit that when I came here I really had not thought about sex a lot and even when I wanted to be part of the family and marry Steve I still was not really thinking about it. That is sort of naive but when your use to sex being so casual with your friends and at school with the way teachers talk about it its easy to not take it so seriously.
With birth control it takes away from the commitment two people are suppose to have when they have sex. You can just have your good time and then walk away from each other the next day and that is it. It takes something really special and makes it nothing more than just like a nice way to spend a night.
So I wrote about my feelings on this once before and I don't want a big argument so don't everyone try to think so much about what I write next, okay? (-:
On my wedding night I really had not thought about everything so much and was like sure I wanted to be with Steve on my wedding night. I did not have to be with him that night and no one forced me to, it was my choice. But I wanted to have a wedding night like anyone else. So when things started with Steve it really did hit me right then how serious it was what I was doing because it wasn't like we were just being together we were together and maybe making a baby and EVERYTHING in my life was changing in that moment. It wasn't just like I had a big wedding party and now it was I wanted another party time it was life changing serious and I knew in that moment that I could not just walk away if I just wanted to.
It makes you take marriage much more serious and it makes you really think about it if you want to leave and thats good because it makes people work out problems together instead of just walking away from them.
If you go back and read some of what I posted about how the church started it makes sense. They use to be all free love and everything and no one was committed to anyone and it made a mess. This rule makes sense so the mistakes that happened before don't happen again.
How many children I want is not something the church teaches about but I am thinking I want four or five right now and maybe later I might want more. Right now I am only wanting to start with one!
I liked the other question and lol'd on it! Steve is not always wanting to do things every night. He works hard and is sometimes really tired and just needs to sleep. I've had a few nights with him now where we just sleep and then I am up before he is so nothing happens. Same with Shari and Christie. We are normal this way like anyone else I guess.
Christie getting pregnant and nursing is just Christie I guess. She was nursing Eric when she got pregnant with Emmy so its not like she never did this before. I'm really happy for her because she says she is never happier than when she is pregnant and I can see her being a little more peaceful this week so I guess it is true. I read a little and some of my friends on email say that nursing does not prevent babies in all women and one of my friends said she got pregnant with her twins three months after her first baby so it is not a rule that nursing will stop you from getting pregnant. Some people say that right after you have had a baby is the best time to get pregnant because your body is already ready to be pregnant.
The weather here cooled off and last night was actually cold. We adults and Stevie stayed up late to watch a movie and then I was chilly so Steve and Shari asked me to come sleep with them. It was nice just to be cuddled and that was all that happened so there is another night when we just sleep.
The chicks are doing well and so far I am blessed that none of them have died. I was told to expect that maybe four or five would die and all of them seem fine. They love the cool weather and we have them all out to the coop for the day so they can play in the sun. The girls are with them all the time so they don't have to worry about the cats.
I am not going back to regular college in the fall. I don't like all of the studying and reading and I have real problems with some of the teachers being so political all the time. I want to learn to be a better cook so Christie suggested I go to a culinary arts college and I decided to say yes to it and then Steve and Shari said yes to paying the tuition for me. It will be almost a year to get my PCA degree and I have to do six weeks at a restarant at the end of the classes to finish the degree. The classes start in September and I will be going to the school to sign up on Tuesday. I think it will be a lot of fun!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
My baby chicks arrived today too so in all the excitment I had to get 100 baby chicks into the basement where it is cooler for them. It was 100 today here and it was too hot to put the chicks outside. The girls have been all over them and saying how cute they are. We borrowed two grape lugs from a neighbor and the chicks are in those for now until they get big enough to go outside.
Sorry to make this so short but it is hot and I want to get back outside for the breeze.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Thank you to everyone for the stuff about how women synchronize themselves. I had no idea about that and when I mentioned it at breakfast this morning everyone was like, "Yeah, where have you been?" I guess my mom and me never talked about that much so I never noticed anything. Now I know the schedule in the house and there's four women on it already! Speaking of schedules Christie is late by a few days and we're wondering if she will have good news soon.
I'm wondering when I will have a reason to wonder about this myself.
Other news. A 21 year-old woman from back east is coming to visit two of the families on Friday and she will be staying for two weeks. I had not mentioned this in my blog until now because I wasn't so sure what the deal was and I guess it just didn't feel right to post it. But anyway she found my blog and we emailed a lot and then she asked to come visit and then I passed it along to some other people to handle. We have two families who are very interested in meeting her and so she is going to stay with each of them for a week. She also wants to meet me so we will do that at the church meeting for June 7th. I had a phone call from one of the families wife and she was so happy about this. I did not mean for this to be something for recruiting people but I guess that is part of this. I also found out that opening up the church to the outside is kind of complicated but for some very good reasons.
I'm getting excited about my chickens showing up soon. It was hot today so we will be very careful with them in the heat. The trailer we made into their coop is under a tree to help keep it cool and we will have a swamp cooler for it when it is really hot.
Stevie's boyfriend moved into his house this weekend and I hear it is a nice place with a lot of room. He's wanting to have the church meeting at his new house and make it a house blessing service for July. I think that would be really nice.
The law to ban gay marriage got upheld in the California supreme court. I am not sure how to feel about it. There were some people who wanted to sue for poly rights if gay marriage was allowed and now that will have to wait or maybe they will try to sue up in Oregon.
Donald gets a big thank you for the idea about the recent post gadget! I think it is pretty cool!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Having everyone back it has been a very busy week. Lots of chores and getting back to the normal routine has been an adjustment after the lazy time without too many people to take care of here. My chicken coop is here! Steve had an old office trailer brought up and is going to help me make nest boxes in it and after we get it set up with a little chicken yard we can order my chickens! It will be more work but it will be my thing to do here to help the family.
Okay I said I would do the answers.
Donald had two:
Was it Marcus who emailed this suggestion?
No. It wasn't.
Are you allowed more than one question?
What is the one thing you like about being in a polygamous marriage?
But it isn't just one thing I like! I love my sisterwives, I love that I am not alone, I love having a big family, I love being loved by so many people, and I love that when there are problems in the house its not just me and Steve having to talk about them.
What is the one thing you hate about being in a polygamous marriage?
There is nothing I 'hate' in this. There are things to learn to live with but there is nothing to hate.
Alice said some really nice things! (-:
Marcus, go watch the second episode of 'Big Love'. I relate to some of that and it is different from what I was used to. That's your answer. No, I don't scream in bed.
DreamGyrl360 asked if any of us were Steve's legal wife and Shari is.
Heather & Erica both asked who gets to name my babies and the tradition is the mom gets to do that. I will listen to what anyone says but I like that it is all my choice!
easier2run asked if I prefer a boy or a girl and I want both and hope I have at least one boy and one girl. But to start I think I want a little boy and I guess just because I want a little boy! I also don't have any names yet but I do know if I have a boy he won't be named Marcus! I have the choice to have my baby at home or at the hospital and I am going to wait until I need to see the doctor to decide that. If I can have him or her at home I think I would like that but if it needs to be at the hospital for safety reasons I will do that instead.
Erica asked if I kept my maiden name and I did for official things but with the church I am Mrs. Steve and my children will have his last name on their birth certificates. Christie legally changed her name to Steve's and I might do that someday too but it is not a big deal.
Monday, May 18, 2009
I got a suggestion from an email that I 'open it up to questions' like a press conference so if anyone wants any questions answered go ahead. Just this time I promise to answer anything.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
- I'm really glad we all live in one house. We will all have our own space again in a week or so so I do like that but I also like that we don't have to go next door to see anyone. The way they live in that show they are cut off from the rest of the family and I don't think I would like that at all. I LIKE having my sisterwives right near me.
- The old man married to the 14 year old girl is sick and should be shot.
- No offense to anyone but I like that we have a Pastor and not some dictator prophet. Christie said when Steve first saw what the prophet was doing he just said "130 grains in the corner pocket" meaning he would just shoot him. I love my husband! (-:
- I was surprised by the sex scenes being kind of real. I could relate to some of it and that surprised me. I also understood why Christie didn't want me watching this when the girls were home. But I am thinking of buying Steve some Viagara for Christmas! (joke!)
- The wives don't get along too well. I know this makes good TV but it would be hard to be like that. We have problems too but I don't think we would last if we were as bad as them.
- I don't want a car of my own. I don't need one and I don't care.
- They are confused. They are mixing too much traditional life with modern life and it does not work. The young wife wearing sexy things in front of everyone was not good and then she was practically humping the oldest wife's son in the kitchen! I can't imagine anything like that happening. So I get why dresses are a good idea. Wearing pretty much the same stuff at home we don't have to worry about anyone putting on a show or whatever. But it was nice this week to not worry about that and just wear shorts and tanks most of the week. But then I got a sunburn so the dresses make sense again.
- There was this one scene at the FLDS town where the women were gardening and dang if that didn't look like me and Christie yesterday!!! We had to weed our garden in the hot sun so we had our dresses and hats on so we didn't get burned and then we were using hoes just like in the show. They got one thing right!
- The children were awful. I had a hard time to watch the part where the young wife had so many kids going crazy on her. You don't wait for things to go bad and then try to get them under control you keep them under control and then you don't worry about it. But this is just TV I know.
- I know this is a very interesting TV show for a lot of people but for us in real life things are so much more boring and I will say Thank You God! for that. It just isn't like what we have and I am happy for that.
I can't wait to have everyone home! This place is so quiet and empty without them all here. And I am missing Steve and seeing the couples on the TV show was not a help. They are leaving early tomorrow and not late like they first thought so they will be home in the afternoon sometime. Yay!
It is been hot here this weekend and the only nice part is when the sun goes down to go out to the pool. It's nice to swim and not worry about a sunburn and it will be the way I will do most of my swimming anymore. Skin cancer runs in my family and I don't want to deal with that.
I told one of my email friends about this and I was told I was a vampire! It feels like it sometimes. Last year I went to Aruba with friends and was out at the beach a lot and even with the spf45 sunscreen I still came home with burns in some places you don't want burns. OUCH. So I am a vampire anymore! Ahhh the sun!! Ahhhh!!!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
I did most of my growing up in a smaller city near Los Angeles and me and my mom moved up to northern California after my dad went to prison the second time. I had an older brother but he got into drugs like my dad and died when I was 14. I don't talk about him much just because we were never close and I just don't want to talk about it is all. But I use to have a brother.
My dad was a truck driver once and he started using meth so he could work longer hours and then it became all about the drugs. He got caught and went to prison for three years and then was out on parole and that was the worst time of my life.
When someone goes to prison they lose their rights but what most of you don't ever know is the person's whole family loses their rights too. Life was hell with him on parole because we had the parole officers, local cops, and social workers in the house all the time and anytime they wanted. It didn't matter if he wasn't home they would just bust in and search everything including my stuff and just toss it all over the place. When he skipped parole and ran away it got worse because then the parole people were busting in the door all the time looking for him. It would be 3am or 4am when they would come and they would handcuff me and my mom and they would search for him and search our stuff. I had a cell phone and a computer but they took them and then said I never had any so I never got them back. That's why I didn't care about having a computer until I got one last Christmas.
The LA County social workers were the worst part. They act like fucking gods and always threatened to put me in foster care and one of them tried to get me to sleep with him. I told at my school and it stopped but no one believed me because it was the wonderful social worker against the daughter of a fugitive. And school was bad because the social workers would pull me out of class all the time to 'counsel' me and it was just to mess with my mind and mess me up at school. I mean they would come to the school just to embarrass me in front of everyone. The school found out my dad was a meth head so that meant I was too. As if the social workers were not bad enough the school security people were ALWAYS stopping me and searching my stuff. It got so bad I just cut school as often as I could and then with enough bad grades I got into independent study so I didn't have to deal with school anymore. I read a story in the paper not so long ago that more than half of the social workers in the county had felonies on their criminal record! Some were even registered sex offenders and they were working with little kids! I am not surprised because they act like criminals all the time anyway.
If you have not guessed I HATE social workers anymore. I can forgive a lot of things and a lot of people but social workers who think they are all that and who have this authority that no one ever questions are just cockroaches to me. I'm not supposed to be happy about it when bad things happen to bad people but when bad social workers get justice I smile about it.
I can understand the parole officers and the cops a little because they have to assume a criminals family would be helping him but the social workers are suppose to HELP you and they ALWAYS want to ruin everything! I stopped having friends because they wanted to know who my friends were and then they would go see my friends and their parents and ask them if I was doing drugs or anything and then after that my friends would not see me anymore because they thought I was as bad as my dad.
When my father went back to prison things got better and my mom moved us to northern California to get away from the LA County social workers. In Sacramento we got visited one time and the social worker said everything looked fine so she never bothered us again. With my dad back in prison we didn't have parole people around anymore either. When I found out he got denied parole until 2026 I was SOOOOOOOO happy about it! I don't EVER want his problems in my life again and I would scream if parole officers came here to look for him.
My mom and me are getting along better since I moved out but we didn't talk a lot for a lot of years. When she divorced my dad and left LA was when I was the proudest of her. It was hard for her to do all that but she did it to leave all the problems behind and start over and both of us are starting over.
My new life is not perfect I know but for me this is still paradise compared to what I am use to. No one yells here. No one steals my money to buy drugs. No one steals my stuff to sell for drugs. There are no cops here at 3am. No social workers. None of the people I know here punish me because my father is an asshole who loves his drugs more than anything else.
In this house I can put a $100 dollar bill on my place in the closet and no one will touch it. No one will even ask me about it and that means no one was in my stuff. I know because I tried that when I moved here and it was one of the little things that told me this was a good place to be. If the $100 disappeared then I was going to disappear too. It is still there.
I don't think I will be answering any questions about any of this. I want it behind me is all but I guess I needed to say all of this just to get it out there.
I guess to explain it isn't like it's some creepy orgy thing with us. I think I should say that I kind of like it too. It's nice to be all cuddled up all night and it feels really secure. It is really new to me but it doesn't feel like it's perverted or creepy. I guess a lot of that is because I am with people I really, really, REALLY love. Christie kissing me is okay with me because it isn't like she's all giving me the tongue! LOL!! No, but she does kiss me on the lips and that is intimate in a nice way. Bisexuality is absolutely forbidden so that won't be happening today or ever with me or Shari or Christie. Sharing the bed is normal with some people in the church and with others they do separate beds and even here most of the time they don't share the bed. Like even this past week it was mostly just one of us at night with Steve. When everyone is home again it will be back to normal because there is so much to do around here when everyone is home things don't happen unless two of us are free to get things going everyday.
Donald was right that this was a surprise to me but then it wasn't in a way. I guess I picked up on everyone being really comfortable with each other so when this came up I was like, "Okay, yeah, that explains it." I was really close and comfy with Christie before this but now I feel like there is nothing I can't share with her anymore so I can see how this can be a very good thing. I also get how it can be VERY bad if it gets creepy with some people. I don't know how to say this but I know it seems perverted to some but when you are there it is really kind of beautiful. I know that sounds so hypocritical from me because just hearing Christie and Steve making love in the next room freaked me out a few weeks ago and now I'm in bed with them and saying it seems just fine.
Big Love Over Logic said Happy 2nd Month Anniversary! Thank you! (-:
Thanks for saying that what happened is normal because it feels normal to me. In a way, it feels better to me to know what is happening and how my sisterwives are with Steve than to just hear something late at night and wonder about it. It does not seem to bother me anymore now. I don't know if I will say anything to Steve about being different with me because everything is different all the time and I guess I want to know what else can be different and still be okay of course. I guess I don't want to not try something I might like.
3rd asked if the church approved and I guess they do. Steve said I can talk to Pastor Jeff about it if I want. I don't know about that but I might ask a little with one of my friends who is my age and in a marriage in the church when we do the church meeting in June. I don't want to run away but I can understand how this might scare someone else and if I had known this before it would have scared me too. I guess it is like a hot bath with being in a poly marriage because you dip your toes in and pull back, then you put your foot in, and then you just kind of slowly put yourself all the way in but not all at once. And then when you do get all the way into the bath it feels good but if you had gone in all at once it would have hurt. That's the way I am looking at this.
ALM I guess to continue what I said above here is that I don't see Steve and Shari and Christie being dishonest with me about not telling me somethings but I accept what Steve said to me last week that they just wanted to tell me things when I was ready for them. I don't know what to think about Marcus. He sends me emails too and 99% of them are really good with really good advice and he even gave me good advice for pancakes!!! I was making really BAD pancakes and then he told me to get Snoqualimie Falls pancake mix at Winco and to use a lower heat and now everyone likes my pancakes! He knows I will ignore somethings but sometimes I just wait for the words to use to say something back in a nice way.
Christian Fundy Mom and church musician I know the Bible says a lot of things but you can always find lots of things about poly and poly families being together. I learned some history and until the last 100 years it was normal for families to all sleep in the same bed sometimes and the kids would be there when mom and dad were doing things sometimes. Used to be 100% normal and still is normal in some places. America just has a lot of history with the pilgrims and being Puritanical and not all of that was good. Sex is a gift from God and it can be wonderful and loving and it can be dirty but that is up to us. A married couple who go to church every week can be dirty with each other at home and it can be perverted and wrong and just because it is only two people does not make it normal or decent. So three people can be together and it can be wonderful and not perverted. Just the four of us being a family is wrong by most Christians so I don't expect to be thought of as normal because we are different in other ways too. But if w3e are not normal why do I feel so normal? I don't feel dirty or anything and I really feel closer to my husband and my sisterwives than before. I'm more comforatable with Christie and things that I was shy about I'm not so bothered about now. It really is kind of nice to have that.
Okay, this took me three hours to write and I want lunch. Have a nice weekend everyone!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The construction for the addition is waiting on a building inspector to approve the electrical work and then they can do the walls. Steve says it is still going to be done in a few weeks.
Okay, so Christie and I were sleeping together after Nanna moved here and we got a lot closer than we used to be and that is a good thing. Christie kisses the girls all the time like Steve and Shari do and last week she came to bed with me and kissed me good night. On the lips. I was really surprised but then was okay because they do that a lot anyway and it was nice.
So Shari went up to Oregon with the girls and Steve was here all week until he left today to go up for the funeral. He had a lot of work that could not be left behind so he had to stay. Well, Christie and I had been sleeping together and she invited me to sleep with her and Steve. She ended up telling me that she and Shari and Steve sleep together sometimes and they even get busy together. Christie said she didn't at first when she came here but after she had Eric they started all sleeping together with the baby in the room so it wasn't so much work for Christie and then one thing led to another and she said one night Steve was cuddled up to her and they got going with Shari sleeping in the bed.
I had to think about it and then went ahead and tried it. Steve was a very happy man! It was different for me because Steve is different with Christie than he normally is with me and so when we were all together he was with me more like how he is with Christie. Some of it I liked and some of it is just okay.
So I found out again that some things here are different than I thought. I didn't know they slept together and did things and I don't think I would be here if I had know that when I started but now it seems okay. Two months into this and everything is different for me. I guess I was naive in how I saw things because now I think about it and some of the things that surprised me were right in front of me all along and I just didn't know what I was seeing.
Tonight it is just me and Christie and the babies so we are renting some movies and ordering a pizza for dinner. We have to drive in to pick it up and Christie is promising me we can get a chocolate dessert at the bakery. Mmmmmm!!!
Email time. I might be on to update this later tonight. I'm not sure.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Shari left early this morning to go up to Oregon for the week with the girls. They left around 7am and expect to be there around 2 or 3pm. Steve is out discing the fence line for fire prevention and Christie is out on the patio with the babies. Steve has work to do here in town and will go up to Oregon on Thursday for the funeral. They expect about 200 people for the funeral and there will be people coming from all over the world for this.
Steve is not being the smiley person he usually is and when he and I took a nap together yesterday he mostly just wanted to hold me. I'm used to him being like this soldier kind of man and it is different to see him this way. He knew Nanna all his life and losing her is like losing a mom for him. His own parents died in 1999 and 2000 and Nanna was kind of the last parent he had.
The nights have been cool and with the construction on the house and me not wanting to go back to my old room I've been sleeping with Christie this week and the two of us are trading off with taking care of the babies at night. It's kind of nice to have so much time with the babies but I wish it wasn't because of what happened. I like sleeping with Christie and that is a surprise to me. She is very cuddly and it she says I am warm so she wants to be close. She didn't know Nanna so much and some of the talk about Nanna has been news to her too. We talk a lot at night and I guess this week we are becoming very close and I like that.
It's a really nice morning here today. It's a cool breeze and I can smell Christie's coffee in the house and I had some today too. It was really good with fresh cream in it. One thing I have loved here is fresh cream and butter all the time. I can't explain how much nicer it is than store bought. The butter is almost white and the churn makes it fluffy. Sometimes I just eat a little on its own it's so good!
I want to have some chickens and Steve promised me a chicken coop before the end of the month. I guess I want to have something to do to contribute to the farming and with my chores and all chickens would be a good thing to do. I don't know about killing them and I might let Steve do that when the time comes.
I'm going outside now. I'm wearing shorts and a t shirt today. Christie is doing the same thing and Steve doesn't mind because the girls are not here. I like the dresses but it is nice to be sort of my old self again too.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Her name was Patricia Lucille Luther and she was born in North Platte, Nebraska on July 16, 1936. She was loved by a lot of people and she will be buried at the Oregon farm where Shari was born. Patty was a beatnick in the 1950s and she joined the commune in Oregon in 1959 and had five children including Shari. When the commune ended she was one of the women who stayed and married a man who was taking care of three other women who had kids at the commune. She had a lot to do with the commune becoming a Christian church. I never really got to meet her or know her but with all the people who are here right now I can tell she was loved. Her funeral will be in Oregon next Saturday (the 16th).
Monday, May 4, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
For now Steve and Shari are at the hospital 24/7 with some small breaks and Christie is here with me to take care of the girls and the babies and the ranch. The whole house feels so much different right now with this going on. I'll post an update when there is something to say.
There were some questions:
Just curious but in what website did you find Steve, Shari and Christie?
I was posting on a few sites after Christmas and Christie saw me on one site and then contacted me when I posted on a local Yahoo groups poly site that I was curious about this. She invited me to the house to see things for myself and now here I am.
do the poly families ever let anyone join who isn't religious? just curious.
Yes. Christie joined and she wasn't religious at all. But she is trying and she says she now has faith because she has seen God acting in her life since she came here. I believed in God when I came here but was not really into the Bible or any of that and now I am learning too.
Tomorrow Christie and I are taking the girls to the church meeting and the big deal is that we have a Hispanic couple who are ex-catholics joining us. Pastor Jeff has been meeting with them for a long time and the leadership voted to let them join in April. I don't know anymore about them but Steve says they are a nice couple with two boys and a little girl and that he knows them from his work. This will make our group five poly families and eight couple families.
If you pray I would like to ask you to pray for Shari's mom. Her name is Patty and she is 72.