Exciting & Boring

Hello! This week was busy and it started off exciting but it settled down to boring and busy pretty quick. I decided that boring is good!

Christie is pretty awesome! She gave birth almost two weeks ago and yesterday she went out and ran four miles and then did a bunch of work outs. She wants to get rid of some of her baby gut she says and she really looks pretty good already. I didn't run with her but I rode the bike and it was fun being out and going by the lake with her early in the morning. I haven't done much exercise since high school last year so this was a big workout for me and now I'm going to be Christie's workout partner. I plan on sleeping really good every night!

My mom and dad have both said they won't be coming to my handfasting-wedding next week and mom says she's really disappointed and can't bless what I'm doing but that she will be there for me if I need her. Some of my friends are coming and we're just going to do it kind of simple. Christie is letting me have her dress for the wedding and Shari took it in for me and then we'll put on some food for everyone and just make the best of it. Pastor Jeff will be here and some of the people from our church will be here, too. It would be nice if my mom would come and I hope she will change her mind.

Steve took me to the jeweler on Friday and they're making something nice out of the ring he gave me. I didn't know you did that with rings but I guess that's how it's done is to give someone a plain ring and then go back and make it custom for them. I got to choose how I wanted it and I chose to put the diamond in the middle with small sapphires all around it. The jeweler said it was a reverse Princess Di which is supposed to be a big sapphire with small diamonds around it. The jeweler is also adding a third diamond to Steve's wedding ring and that just about made me cry. I don't know how to explain it but it made me feel so happy when Steve said he was doing that.

After the jeweler we went to lunch and got to talk a lot and on the way home Steve held my hand again and we kissed a little bit in the truck when we got home. He is so polite and careful about me and it's funny to see him nervous about kissing me. I'm nervous kissing him, too but he's just this 100% man and to see him get all soft and tender is really cool. He's also really amazing when he's holding Emmy or Eric and it's easy to see how much he loves them. I wish my own dad had been like that when I was growing up but he was always more interested in watching football or going out with his friends than being around me. I've wondered if I had been a boy would he been different with me?

One of my pen-pals said that with Steve I was getting a husband and the father I always wanted wrapped up in one package and I think that is kind of right. Steve asked me something like this and I said it really didn't matter what was attracting me to him because I was happy. I asked him how he felt about me and he said he loved me and that I was just really easy to love for who I am and then he said I was also 'easy on the eye' and that he felt pretty lucky that I wanted to be with him because he thinks a lot of guys would want me, too. I told him that a lot of guys probably do want me but he's the one who is making me happy. I'm sorry my mom won't be coming to the wedding but I am not at all sorry that I will be married to Steve next week.

Well, I have some email to get to and will try to get on here later and write some more. Maybe.

I read the two comments on my last post and here's my answers to them:

1. I understand the thing about getting married kind of soon and some of this is more coming from me than from Steve or Pastor Jeff. I made up my mind that I don't want to leave here because this is the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. That's the big thing. Pastor Jeff talking to me helped me to realize that if I already made up my mind to stay then committing should be easy or else I haven't made up my mind. It was actually pretty easy to commit when Steve asked me to because I want it myself.

2. Getting pregnant is nothing I have to be pressured into! I guess this is the reason I called this an adult blog when I started it was because I knew at some point I'd want to write about my feelings to want to be a mom and my feelings about wanting to be with a man.

I didn't write about it here before, but after Emmy was born Christie let me sit with her one night and watch her breastfeed Emmy. It was so beautiful I wanted to cry and I kind of did. Then Christie asked me if I wanted to hold Emmy and of course I said YES!!! but then Christie says to me that a newborn baby has the softest skin they will ever have and it's a blessing to feel it the right way. So Christie had me pull down my night gown and I held Emmy against me that way and she cuddled up to me. She didn't try to suckle because she was already full but just holding her like that was better than the best feeling I've ever had in my life. I really am looking forward to having a baby of my own and having those moments all the time. So no one needs to force me to get pregnant because I can't wait.

Okay, then there's the thing about getting pregnant. The one and only time I had sex it wasn't all that great but afterward I was afraid of being pregnant and then I ended up disappointed because I wasn't pregnant. I am looking forward to the day I get a + on my pregnancy test!

And the real adults-only part is that I am so stinking horny to be with a man who loves me and is committed to me! I've known so many little boys in big bodies and it would be easy to just have sex with them because that's what they want: easy sex with no committment.

I want a baby but I want a baby after making love to a wonderful man who won't be all disappointed if I get pregnant and ask me to have an abortion or just use me. Condoms and pills just make sex toys out of people and they rob us of one of the best parts of sex and that's the chance you might be making a baby! Real intimacy means you open your souls to each other and you seal the deal when you say you want to make a family together and you want to do it on purpose and not just accidentally because a pill failed or a condom broke.

I am really looking forward to being with Steve and knowing that when he's inside me we might be making a baby together.

And I really, really, really am looking forward to having sex! I can't wait to be naked with Steve and have him be passionate about me and feel him as he loves me.

Trust me, no one is forcing me to do anything. When I'm kissing Steve it's all I can do to stop myself from raping him half the time. Yeah, I know it's teenage hormones like everyone says but do you all mind if I enjoy those hormones because I won't be 18 forever?

Now I need a cold shower! LOL! :-P

Getting dinner going will have to work for now.