Saturday, February 28, 2009
My mom says my dad is not going to come visit anytime soon because he's busy with his own drama anymore. I guess that's okay since we're not so close anymore anyway. But it was nice to have my mom visit. She did bring a few things I had left behind and that was really nice. The thing with the dresses was really something for her. She is used to seeing me in jeans all the time so this is a big change and she said she kind of likes seeing me look like a girl for a change.
Last night the movie was 'The Incredibles' which I brought with me when I moved in. Steve wasn't so sure about it but trusted me that it was okay and he later said it was a fun flick. During the movie he held me close and then when it was time to go to bed he kissed me on the lips and told me he was very happy to have me in the house. I said I was very happy to be here and I asked if he liked me and he laughed and said he was starting to love me! Wow! That meant I didn't get to sleep until late! (-:
Today was just busy time with my mom but I'm hoping to have more time with Steve tomorrow after church. I still have to talk with the Pastor tomorrow and that is starting to make me nervous wondering what that will be about.
Christie is doing well with Emmy and Christie was even out for a long walk this morning. She said she had to get back in shape and go do some exercise while the weather was good. We're expecting a big storm tomorrow so everything will be inside. I mentioned the church thing is here tomorrow I think. The other four families will be here this month and then next month we all meet at someone else's house. We did a lot of prep today for lunch tomorrow because we'll be feeding over 50 people! Some of the families have grandparents living with them so it's not like it's all wives and kids. I am told it will be a lot of fun.
Christie also says she wants to talk to me after I talk to the Pastor and I'm wondering what she has to say too. Yesterday she and I talked for a little while and she was telling me that she was not looking for someone to move up here when she invited me to come visit but now that I'm here she's pretty happy about it.
Shari and I had coffee yesterday morning and she was asking me if I had given a lot of thought to this now that I had been here a week and I said yes and that I wanted to stay. She thought this was great and hugged me and said she was between thinking of me as a new daughter and a younger sister and that it was easy to have me around. She really appreciated all the help with the chores because with Christie pregnant a lot of that was being done by Shari. Christie says on Monday she will be back to doing the lunches again but has to concentrate on her work while it is still tax season.
Is this all kind of boring for anyone? I'm writing this all down and I guess it might be like reading my shopping list to some people. Hope no one minds.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I promised someone I would pay better attention to paragraphs and I will try to keep my promise! (-:
Okay, so I also got the laundry caught up on my own and that puts me ahead for Saturday when my mom comes to visit. That sounds so simple to say I did the laundry but laundry for nine people is NOT simple! Three loads of towels, two loads of whites, four loads of colors, and then a 1/2 load of kitchen towels! Then I had to iron Steve's shirts and pants! Shari said I had a Chinese laundry going and said I didn't have to do all that but she appreciated it.
I'm still working on fitting in better and getting used to things. Hannah came into my room really early at like 3am because she could not sleep and was worried about Eric. I put her back into her bed even though she wanted to sleep with me and this morning Shari said it would have been okay. Hannah is used to having more than one mom and Shari said she's just treating me like another mom and that's a good thing. It's been on my mind all day that I'm becoming like a mom to someone and it feels like a lot of responsibility.
I don't have a lot of time tonight so I have to go. Bye for now!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
After bedtime I was in with Christie talking and got to see her breastfeed Emily. Christie just looked so loving with her little girl it was hard not to cry. She told me that a newborn has the softest skin she'll have in her whole life and it is really special to get to hold a baby when they're so new. I got to hold Emily after Christie was done and it is true that she is the softest person I've ever touched.
My post yesterday had a lot of me being upset in it and I guess I regret being upset but I don't regret what I said.
I have to go and will be back on here later.
I didn't mention earlier that Steve says we have to talk to the Pastor on Sunday about what my plans are here. The church doesn't like single women staying in a house for too long because they think it causes trouble.
My jeans are not fancy but just plain work jeans called Carharts. Steve says my old hip huggers won't last ten minutes out in the barn and he's probably right.
I think I mentioned yesterday Eric being moved into my room for me to take care of 24/7 and I know it's just been a day but it's like having my own little boy all day long. As soon as Christie is back on her feet Eric will be moved out again but for right now this makes sense.
It's been just a week and I really feel like a part of this family now. I got to see a baby born and they depend on me to help out and Christie says I can driver her car if I want to. It's like having this total family I never had before. I wish I could say how much this makes me so happy but it seems like the words are not enough.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I had Eric all day and had my usual chores to do but I had extra help because the girls took the day off from their school because Shari was too busy helping Christie to teach. I moved Eric into my room and will be taking care of him for now so Christie can focus on Emily.
My mom is coming to visit on Saturday and she says she just wants to know where I am and what this is like. I am hoping it will be a nice time.
I'm getting a few emails from people concerned that we're like Mormons and I'm going to SCREAM if I have to see this BS anymore! For the last time we are not Mormons!
Things are the way they are here and I'm not cut off from the world at all. I can't believe people who read this blog think I'm cut off from the world. Think about it! If I were cut off would you be reading about it?
What really tweaks me is if I had moved out from my mom to be a lesbian no one would say anything. But if I want something that is making me happier than I have ever been in my whole life then it must be wrong for some people.
Believe it or not I've been told that I am doing the wrong thing here because:
- I won't be able to have meaningless sex with lots of strange men.
- I won't be using birth control or be able to have an abortion.
- I won't be able to smoke pot or get drunk.
- I won't be able to live in the exact kind of crazy city I just got out of.
- I won't be working at some awful job I hate for the next 50 years and then retire to the kind of life I have right now.
- I should wait until I'm 30 to have children. (Why 30? What is so wonderful about being 30?)
I'm lucky that some of my really close friends who really know me are happy for me and they see me being happier. Carmen is even coming up here tomorrow after school to see the new baby and to see my new home.
Well it is 8:30 and I want to get back to Christie. Bye for now.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
It was a lot of fun because everyone gets in their pjs and we had blankets out and were all cuddled up.
I get to use real first names on here now so let me say this before going on. It makes it a lot easier on me because I couldn't keep somethings straight. So Andy is actually Steve, Debbie is actually Shari, and Lori is actually Christie. Steve said this was okay but I just have to not write things that tell people exactly where we live. Which makes sense.
So I cuddled up with Lauren and Hannah and then Steve was cuddled up with Shari and Stevie and Christie had Eric with her. It was a lot of fun and I know I keep saying that but it's true! Christie gave me one of her flannel nightgowns and a robe that she can't fit into right now (she is REALLY big with the baby) and it was nice. I have sweats which I wear for pjs and those got put away since they're not allowed. After the movie Christie had me come to her bedroom to talk and we sat in her bed and talked a lot and I didn't get to bed until midnight which didn't used to be late for me but it is now! It's really easy to get used to going to bed at 9 every night.
This morning we were back up at 5am for breakfast and then I was out helping the girls to feed the horses and put out hay for the cattle and my sneakers are being washed because they got all muddy. Steve promised to buy me some boots on Monday. I had some time to play with the girls and now I'm on here before lunch which is just sandwiches today so I don't have to do too much for that.
Steve wants some time to talk to me later and I know it's a good thing but it makes me nervous wondering what he wants to talk about. My dad called last night to see how I was doing and says he will come see me when he can. I told him everything was fine and that it was really nice here.
I will try to update this later if I have time. Right now I need to do email while I have time!
Steve and I got to talk for a while and we had a nice time. He asked me how I liked things and if this was what I was looking for and I told him that it's been wonderful having so many people smiling at me and happy to see me all the time. I'm used to there always being something going wrong and someone upset but seeing people happy all the time is just new for me. He laughed and said it isn't like that all the time and sometimes the girls fight and he says it's not all wine and roses with him and Shari and Christie all the time. He told me that it isn't a fantasy but a real family with real problems and I just haven't seen them yet because I'm still new and I'm not seeing all the warts. Then he asked me how I felt about him and I said I liked him a lot and he asked me if I could love him and I said yes. He said that was great and that he thought he was going to love me too. He asked me when I thought I might kiss him or was I going to be his new adopted daughter and I asked him if this was important right now and he said no it wasn't and then he said he was sorry for asking. I don't know why but that made me want to kiss him so I did. He was pretty surprised and said it was good to have that cleared up but he still wanted to take things slow.
My heart was doing 100mph after that and when I came back to the kitchen Shari asked me if I was okay and then Christie says "You kissed him, didn't you?" and I said yes. Both of them smiled and said that was great but then they both said like Steve that we need to go slow and not rush into anything.
Christie asked me to come sleep in her room tonight so we can talk some more and she said she wants someone close with the baby coming. I asked her if she thought the baby was coming soon and she said she could feel something different like before when she had Eric so she said it might be soon. The baby is due next week anyway so this would be okay she said.
In a little bit I have to go help with Eric but I wanted to get this in here. I won't be writing tomorrow because it's Sunday and it's reserved for family time so I will write again on Monday if I have time.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Then we made bread for the weekend and made lunch in the middle of that and then I helped with a cake while Debbie was teaching the girls and then it was vacuuming time for the whole house and that was my job and it took me two hours to get everything that needed to be done. Dinner time came along and the blessing there was Lori took the baby from me. We got the dinner dishes done and the girls are sitting with Andy and Lori and Debbie is crocheting and I'm taking some time here. This really was my whole day! I've never worked so hard in my life! And it's kind of nice, too. Debbie told me a couple times to slow down and that I didn't have to do so much but I guess I want to prove that I can do more than just stand around. Andy and Lori bring in all the money here so I feel like I should give back by doing what I can. This is a short update because I just want to get done with this and check email and go sit with the family. They're starting a movie at 7pm and I'd like to see it, too.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Last night we had dinner together and sat and talked a lot. Bedtime for everyone is 9pm and it was weird to go to bed so early but it made sense since we were up again at 5am and that included me too. Debbie came in and woke me and we got the breakfast on and the girls did the chores with the animals and Lori pretty much has to sit still with the baby on the way. Then there were a LOT of chores to do!!! Nothing piles up here. The dishes get done right after meals and then we do the laundry and then there's cooking to start for lunch and the list goes on. Debbie showed me her sewing and the dress I'm wearing she made for me. It's a navy blue dress with long sleeves and it goes down to about my ankles and looks really old fashioned. It's kind of nice too that someone made it for me. It does look funny the old school dress with my sneakers! The girls and Debbie and Lori wear boots outside and slippers inside because it is really muddy in some places and then Debbie says the first time I step in a big cow pie I'll want boots too.
We just finished up from lunch a little while ago so I have time to write for right now and maybe get to some email if I have any. I have Lori's little boy with me all day as my full-time job so she can work and right now he's taking his afternoon nap. Debbie is doing the homeschool with the girls so that leaves me free until we start dinner.
So last night I got to hear a little more about things and what I was told is that the family belongs to a Christian home church that started out of a commune from Oregon in the 1960's. It was a free love orgy thing where everyone was having sex and no one was taking responsibility for anything. Then when the commune thing died off there were a lot of single mothers and very few men willing to take care of them. Do the math. So the men took in the women they could handle and made committments to them. Then in the 1980's they had a Christian revival thing and part of the group moved to northern California to live a more traditional lifestyle. They have home churches and once a month there are five families including ours that get together for a church service at someones house. They rotate it among the five families to draw less attention from neighbors. Debbie went over some of the beliefs and they're pretty normal Christian things except they are more traditional on men and women. The men can have more than one wife but they have to be able to support all of them and the children and this rule goes back to the commune thing. The men don't have mustaches or beards and the women wear dresses and are discouraged from having short hair. They do drink wine but hard liquor and beer are not allowed. Everyone is encouraged to do some sort of farming or ranching and we have two acres in veggies and then there's cattle on the property that we will be selling or trading with the other families when the time comes. Andy and Debbie were two of the children from this commune and their families moved to California to do their thing but in a more Christian way and a lot more traditional than the commune people who stayed in Oregon. I asked if they had an arranged marriage and they said no they were just the two oldest kids in the church group and they had always liked each other and then they dated for a few years and then they got married.
It is really different from what I'm used to.
It's also weird that there was this whole other world going on all around me and I never knew it. When I was checking out the poly thing I discovered pagan poly people, poly people who were into weird sex things, poly people who were just on their own, and then a lot of people just calling what they did poly when it was just sleeping around.
I did get told that we don't say poly or polygamy in the house. We're just a family is what Andy says. I kind of like that because it feels more normal. When you say you're poly it makes it like it's different or wrong. I know I'm not even here for a full day yet but this is so much nicer than how I had been living. I'm not on the smelly bus with stinky people going to school every day, I don't have to have a job with a boss telling me what to do all the time, and I can go back if I want but so far this is like being on vacation. And I love my mom but she's always so stressed and bitchy about my dad that it's nice to be away from that. At the apartment there was no peace. People always had loud music going, people were yelling, there was always the sound of cars on the I5, it was never quiet. Here you just go outside and it is so quiet and peaceful. It's even quiet in the house. I had a quiet moment when I was in Aruba last year when I got out early on the beach and this is even better. It's funny that you never value quiet until you get to experience it.
Debbie and I had a nice talk when we were getting lunch together and she told me it was really a surprise to her that I was interested in this. I ended up telling her my whole horror story and how this just seems like something wonderful. She asked me to be sure I was running to something and not running away from something and that I was doing this for the right reasons. She was a little cautious when Lori invited me to visit and said she was not very happy when the subject of a visitor was brought up. But then she said she met me and saw that I liked everything and wasn't being judgmental about it and seeing past the two wives thing to see that they have something special here. I asked her about Andy and how he felt about me and she said he was really excited when I said yes to their invitation but that he's just playing things low key with me so I can just have time to fit in before anything else happens. Which is really nice.
With my age being pretty close to the girls I'm getting along with them really well but I have noticed they don't know much about the world like what music is popular, movie stars, and all that. Andy and Debbie have been pretty careful to not allow them to have TV or radio time except from 7pm to bedtime and then a lot of the time they will watch a movie together or the music will be on CD and not from the radio. One of the things I've been told to do is not let the girls have access to my computer. Lori has her computer in her office in the basement and the girls leave it alone because it's her work. They'll be staying away from my computer because of all the weird stuff on the internet like porn.
Lori said one thing that was an adjustment for her was how the girls were very aware of her having a baby with their dad. The first time she slept with Andy the next morning the older girl asked if she was going to have a baby with Andy and Lori said that was pretty shocking but then Andy and Debbie explained that they were pretty open with the girls about sexuality and that they didn't want it to be a nasty mystery that no one talked about but just an accepted part of life that is meant for a husband and wife. I don't know what I'd say in the same situation as Lori had but I guess that will happen someday maybe.
Well, Eric is waking up and will be running around real soon so I have to keep up with him and play with him so I have to go for now.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Mr. says he'll invite my parents to come visit when I get settled in so they can see things are really pretty normal.
I have to come up with some names to call everyone. I can't post real names here for obvious reasons.
I might update this later.
Okay so I got my stuff packed up. Most of it was packed anyway because when my mom and dad separated we moved into an apartment and I just put my boxes in the closet.
I also decided to put some names on people because the Mr & Mrs thing is lame.
So there's Andy who is married to Debbie and both of them are in their 40's. Then there's their second wife Lori who is 28. Andy and Debbie have three girls and Andy and Lori have a little boy with another baby on the way in the next couple weeks. My big job in the house will be to babysit the babies so Lori can do her job. Lori works from home and Andy owns a business and the two of them support everyone.
Their story is Andy and Debbie married in 1987 and had their first baby in 1993. They had two more daughters and Debbie was pregnant in the last couple years but lost the baby. I don't have the whole story on that and I won't be asking. So anyway Andy wanted more kids and so did Debbie and they looked at foster kids and adopting and that was a big hassle so they dropped it. Then they looked at surrogate moms and that was expensive and there were legal problems so they dropped that too. Debbie told me that it was her idea to let Andy look for a second and that they had to talk a long time to work out things between them on that topic. Debbie didn't want Andy to just pick someone up she wanted someone to be part of the family and the two of them came to an agreement on the rules for this.
They didn't meet a lot of people and Andy said that some of the women were just looking for a home for themselves and their kids they already had and he wasn't into that. Then he was on a business trip in Phoenix in 2006 and he met Lori at a hotel and he said he just sat down at the bar with her and they talked and found out they lived real close to each other. Lori was single and says she had some bad relationships before she met Andy and said that Andy was the first guy that just wanted to get to know her and she decided to risk being friends even though he was married. So when they got back to northern California they stayed in touch and then Debbie invited Lori over to have dinner and then they got to be friends.
Debbie said the biggest thing she ever risked was telling Lori that she and Andy were interested in being more than friends. Debbie wasn't sure if Lori would laugh or scream or stop being friends with them. Lori said when Debbie and Andy asked her to join their family it was pretty easy to go from really liking them to loving them. They got a lawyer to do some legal things so they could combine their homes into a partnership and then they sold their homes and put the money together to buy a ranch house that's away from everyone with close to ten acres of land around it.
In November 2006 they had a pastor friend do a marriage ceremony for Andy and Lori and the marriage isn't legal but to them they say they are married in the eyes of God. Lori did the whole wedding dress and everything and her parents and some friends came to it. Lori's family lives in Idaho and I'm supposed to see them sometime in the summer.
They recently added some more acreage by buying a foreclosed property and now they have this weird shape property. The house they bought is really big but not fancy if that makes sense. It was supposed to be a fancy house but something happened when it was under construction and the people who were building it sold it. Andy had it finished without all the fancy stuff and it looks really nice on the outside and kind of plain on the inside. It has six bedrooms and they way they do this is Debbie and Lori share a room, the oldest girl has a room, the two young girls share a room, the baby boy sleeps in Debbie and Lori's room for now, and then Andy has the master bedroom. It makes sense this way. One of Debbie or Lori is always with Andy so they share one room and use it when they're not with Andy. Once in a while they all three sleep together but when they do that nothing sexual goes on. Both Debbie and Lori say they love each other but not that way!
Tonight I will be sleeping in my own room there and writing this is wacking me out! I can't believe I'm really doing this.
Okay then my story is that I like older guys and my last boyfriend from two years ago was a lot older than me. I was 15 at the time and met him at the place I worked and we hit it off and he was SO different from the guys my age. He was really polite, didn't grab at me, he was a total gentelman to me when we met. We were supposed to be just friends but I started crushing on him and after I was 16 one day I kissed him and we started being boyfriend and girlfriend. The age thing made us have to keep it on the down low and I know all the BS about it being wrong and all but I didn't care. We did a lot of making out and I started hanging out after school at his apartment before going home and he helped me a lot with my homework and we also made out a lot. None of which I regret.
Then one time my parents went to Las Vegas and I was supposed to be by myself for two days and my boyfriend came over on the Friday night when my parents left and I let things go too far with the making out and we got into bed naked and I really, really thought we would just cuddle and I was just playing a stupid game in my head thinking I could be that way with a guy and not have anything happen. When he got on me I should have stopped it but it felt so wonderful to have him with me like that I just kissed him and the next thing I know he's having sex with me and it was too late to stop. I added to the stupidity by not having any birth control and when I later panicked about being pregnant it pretty much ended the relationship and then when I wasn't pregnant I was both relieved and disappointed. My family is not very warm or loving and the couple weeks I worried about having a baby were also a couple weeks when I decided I wanted a baby and I wanted to give that baby all the love I could.
So I like older guys and then I wanted a baby. I won't go into all the stupid fantasies I had but there were a lot of them.
And I haven't had a boyfriend since all that happened. I guess I don't trust myself anymore.
Then last summer the thing with the Mormon people in Texas happened and I saw they were polygamists. That made me go learn as much as I could about it and I decided I liked the idea of having girlfriends and a husband. Everyone else said how bad those people were and I'm like so what? If they were all gay no one would say anything. Then I got my computer for Christmas and started learning about poly and I signed up on a poly site and Lori invited me to come visit the family. They were open to having another girl in the house and at first I didn't realize Lori was being more than just friendly to me.
When I visited them it was like a love bomb went off on me. I haven't had so many people so happy to see me ever and I felt like a celebrity coming to visit. After being in the family I grew up in this was like nothing I had ever seen. When they asked me to come back to babysit so Andy, Debbie, and Lori could go out to dinner for Valentine's I said yes. They paid me but I would have done it for free just to be there again. Andy picked me up on the 14th and met my mom and then we went out to breakfast and talked a lot and then we drove the long way to their place. I got to talk to Lori and Debbie before they went out and when they got back I talked to Debbie for a few hours and didn't go to bed until 3am. I stayed the night with them I should say. The next day we had a nice time at breakfast and wen it was getting time for me to go home the three of them sat me down and invited me to come live with them. I cried and said yes.
As some of my friends point out to me I am really wanting something I don't have at home and maybe I'm rushing into this and making a really big mistake. Maybe I am.
Andy knows I'm not totally into him and has said the invitation to live there is no strings attached. I don't have to do anything I don't want to and I believe him on this. I told him I like him right now but am not in love with him and he said real love takes time and we have a lot of time for it to happen or not. It's funny that him not putting any pressure on me makes me like him and trust him. I can't explain that.
The Family (which is what I will call them now) is pretty normal except they have some rules which I can live with. Except when we ride the horses all the girls wear dresses. It's farm dresses in the winter and sundresses in the summer but no pants or shorts. I have to keep my hair at least to my shoulders. I can have wine but there won't be any getting drunk and there is no hard liquor or beer allowed in the house. I can be on the computer and write whatever I want on this blog but I can't be on any sites that might have porn of any kind because they don't want that around the kids. No work is done on Sundays. Sometimes we will go to church on Sundays but the day is reserved for being a family all day. I really like that rule.
So tonight I will be at my new home and sleeping in my new bed and tomorrow I will wake up and help make breakfast and then take care of the baby so Lori can do her work.
I'm also getting nervous wondering about the phone call I will get from my mom later tonight when she finds out I moved out early.
Okay so that's it for right now.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
So I was encouraged to write this as my online diary about my life which is apparently interesting to some people.
Just to get things started, as I write this I'm still living at home and am not in a poly relationship. But on Saturday, February 21, 2009 I'll be moving in with a poly family and will be seeing what this life is like from the inside. As this goes along I promise to write all the meaningful things that happen along the way.
I'm 18 and currently living at home, going to a community college, and I found myself missing something in life. I wanted the loving family I didn't have at home, I have an aching deisre to have children, and I just don't like guys my age and a regular marriage just seems empty to me. So about a month ago I posted on a site that I was open to poly and a family contacted me and I visted them and we had scads of emails and lots of phone calls and then I accepted when they asked me to move in with them.
I'm not so sure about putting their real names on here so I'll just describe them for now. The legally married couple are both 44, the second wife is 28, the couple's daughters are 15, 12, and 10 and the second wife has a 1 year old boy and is expecting a baby real soon. Part of why I'm moving in is to help with the babies.
Mr. 'Smith' is really very nice and wonderful and is totally no pressure. I'm moving in and he's saying that anything that happens will happen in it's own time or not and that it's all up to me. I believe him on this and will just roll with it.
I may come back and add more to this but this is all for now. I've been writing a LOT tonight.